Fear not the pain of relapse!

Blondie

Well-Known Member
I've been thinking a great deal about some comments I've read here at the forum about the shame of relapsing, and how it's almost better to not try so hard in your reboot than to feel that bitter taste of defeat. This question is pertinent to me as I once had a 530 something day streak 2 years ago and know exactly how that feels. Of course all of us here are at a different level on our journey. To some at this moment, going a week porn free might be the equivalent and accomplishment of others going a full year, and that's okay. But the question still remains, is it better to decide to do a reboot with all of your heart, body and soul, than to half ass it?

I know from my own personal experience when I relapsed two years ago after that long streak, it was absolutely devastating to me mentally for a few weeks. I can't recall ever feeling worse about myself than those terrible weeks following that infamous event. I couldn't believe I had let myself get complaisant enough to go back to the very thing I hated so much. But the truth is, from that relapse I learned a great deal about myself, and what I would need to do next time to not find myself in that situation again. But the fact remains that ever since then, I've been too scared to try that hard again, because of the fear of failure, and that is the absolute truth. Since that major relapse I had two years ago, I've had a period of 2 months clean, then 6 months clean, and ever since then, a really bad habit of every 3 to 4 months. Why do I do this? Why do we do this?

Why do we fear that bitter taste of momentary failure more than focus on the benefits of giving something, anything, our absolute best? My thoughts on this issue these last few days have been multiplying, because I'm starting to hear that nagging voice once again in my head, "Why try so hard? Don't you remember how bad you felt the last time you failed?". I hate these fucking thoughts with a passion, but I think I've had a revelation about them these last two days in thinking about it.

As a porn user, and let's face it, a porn abuser, for much of my life I've tried to run away from negative feelings and emotions. I'm a 39 year old man who still feels like a child sometimes and I often don't know what to do when I feel down, although I've improved much over the last few years. But my revelation over the last few days is this: because of my childish propensity for dodging bad emotions, these last two years I've been focusing on how bad I felt after that terrible relapse (only two weeks) instead of focusing on how good I felt that entire year and half clean! I know this must sound stupid and so simple, but for me it's not. Would an athlete do this? Would he or she be so scared of feeling the emotions of defeat if they got a silver or bronze medal that they for forfeit trying at all for the gold? Of course not, because that would be the thoughts of a loser. Why do we do this when it comes to defeating our porn use? It seems clear to me now that doing this serves no purpose but to secure our inevitable defeat.

Yes, we will make mistakes sometimes, and yes we will fail. But that's life, and not even the best of us can win a gold medal ever day, it's just simply not possible. But we must try (no not try), we must make and live each day, to the best of our abilities. That is the only way to success, success in anything for that matter. If you're not aiming for the gold medal daily, you sure as hell should never expect to even win the bronze. We all lose sometimes in life, but that doesn't mean we should accept the mindset of a loser. Thus, for now on I will give this my best shot, and even if I fail, I will then focus on those blissful porn-free days (however long they were) and aim my sights for the heavens again!

Best to all of you.
 
Last edited:

TOBAF

Member
You have to put your whole being into it, a relapse is crushing but we all owe it to ourselves and each other to put forth 100%
 

Fappy

Respected Member
for everyone doing a reboot, relapses WILL happen. they just will. and while they suck and make you feel like a steaming bag of shit, you can use them to increase your rebooting skills. identifying triggers, certain things that cause urges, or otehr factors that contributed to the relapse can make sure the same thing doesnt happen again.
 

Blondie

Well-Known Member
for everyone doing a reboot, relapses WILL happen. they just will. and while they suck and make you feel like a steaming bag of shit, you can use them to increase your rebooting skills. identifying triggers, certain things that cause urges, or otehr factors that contributed to the relapse can make sure the same thing doesnt happen again.
This is the absolute truth. Learn from your mistakes, and keep going. You're only a failure if you completely stop in your efforts. Keep your head high and move on! Life is completely better on this side of the fence.
 
Top