Pondering on the lack of women here

forestwater

Member
I've noticed that I'm pretty much the only woman posting here on a regular basis. That seems strange to me, given how high the statistics are for porn use in women. Why is this forum mostly men?

My hypotheses:
  • Women aren't expected by society to use porn, so women who have this problem are too ashamed to admit it
  • Women aren't expected by society to use porn, so women who have this problem are considered feminist and sex-positive for having "sexual agency" and thus don't even realize it's a problem
  • This forum is so geared towards men (talk of erectile dysfunction, etc.) that women with this problem feel like this isn't a good space for them
  • Women experiencing PISD (porn-induced sexual dysfunction) are told that it's because female sexuality is just "so complicated" and that they just need to try harder*, thus obscuring the real issue at hand
I'm lucky to have stumbled across this place, and I hope that by spreading more awareness, more women will find this forum and be helped by it. Men aren't the only ones who struggle with porn use, and they shouldn't be the only ones getting help for it, either.

*Can confirm this is a thing that happens. Before I realized my problem was PISD, all the advice I found for how to orgasm with a partner was condescending tripe like "just relax" and "love your body" as if that's gonna work on any but the mildest of cases
 

k-fff

Well-Known Member
I've noticed that I'm pretty much the only woman posting here on a regular basis. That seems strange to me, given how high the statistics are for porn use in women. Why is this forum mostly men?

My hypotheses:
  • Women aren't expected by society to use porn, so women who have this problem are too ashamed to admit it
  • Women aren't expected by society to use porn, so women who have this problem are considered feminist and sex-positive for having "sexual agency" and thus don't even realize it's a problem
  • This forum is so geared towards men (talk of erectile dysfunction, etc.) that women with this problem feel like this isn't a good space for them
  • Women experiencing PISD (porn-induced sexual dysfunction) are told that it's because female sexuality is just "so complicated" and that they just need to try harder*, thus obscuring the real issue at hand
I'm lucky to have stumbled across this place, and I hope that by spreading more awareness, more women will find this forum and be helped by it. Men aren't the only ones who struggle with porn use, and they shouldn't be the only ones getting help for it, either.

*Can confirm this is a thing that happens. Before I realized my problem was PISD, all the advice I found for how to orgasm with a partner was condescending tripe like "just relax" and "love your body" as if that's gonna work on any but the mildest of cases
The forum is geared towards men because it is the main body of people coming forward saying that they have a problem. It is also likely something like PIED makes it obvious that something isn’t working right. You’re right though the amount of info out there for women is really not much and given that amount of women that enjoy things like erotica it’s likely that a lot women have PISD. It’s depressing we live in such a pro-p society that basically shoves this stuff into everything. It’s destroying relationships and people’s ability to enjoy healthy sexual activity.
 
I've noticed that I'm pretty much the only woman posting here on a regular basis. That seems strange to me, given how high the statistics are for porn use in women. Why is this forum mostly men?

My hypotheses:
  • Women aren't expected by society to use porn, so women who have this problem are too ashamed to admit it
  • Women aren't expected by society to use porn, so women who have this problem are considered feminist and sex-positive for having "sexual agency" and thus don't even realize it's a problem
  • This forum is so geared towards men (talk of erectile dysfunction, etc.) that women with this problem feel like this isn't a good space for them
  • Women experiencing PISD (porn-induced sexual dysfunction) are told that it's because female sexuality is just "so complicated" and that they just need to try harder*, thus obscuring the real issue at hand
I'm lucky to have stumbled across this place, and I hope that by spreading more awareness, more women will find this forum and be helped by it. Men aren't the only ones who struggle with porn use, and they shouldn't be the only ones getting help for it, either.

*Can confirm this is a thing that happens. Before I realized my problem was PISD, all the advice I found for how to orgasm with a partner was condescending tripe like "just relax" and "love your body" as if that's gonna work on any but the mildest of cases
I’m a guy but I think you nailed it. Womens sexuality is dismissed as too complicated to solve and its much easier to disguise sexual dysfunction when you’re not the one who needs to be erect to have penetrative sex, even if it requires a lot of lube and ends up being painful as a result. These days it’s more in fashion for women to champion the idea of making an onlyfans and become an amateur porn star than it would be to recognize porn can be damaging
 

Chuckles

Active Member
I'm curious if there's a fear of "woman on the internet surrounded by dudes"
How many guys would become that guy if they, a porn addict, encountered a woman who was also an admitted porn addict?
Just my 2 cents
 
I'm curious if there's a fear of "woman on the internet surrounded by dudes"
How many guys would become that guy if they, a porn addict, encountered a woman who was also an admitted porn addict?
Just my 2 cents
Yeah I agree. I think a lot would take it as an opportunity to meet a women who’s as hypersexualized they are, since they’re probably wanting that in general. When I was younger I was always infatuated with girls who were just as into porn as me and I took it as a sign we were compatible when in actuality we probably were just both addicted. Entire relationships build around sex and fantasy with no deeper connection.
 

tydurden

Member
Thank you for sharing and maybe making this space better for women, there definitely should be more women here! I loved your last hypothesis female sexuality is just "so complicated". :ROFLMAO: Spot on! I have had female partners who had skewed their sexual preferanses heavily towards pornographic material but who did not see it as a problem themselves.
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Yeah I agree. I think a lot would take it as an opportunity to meet a women who’s as hypersexualized they are, since they’re probably wanting that in general. When I was younger I was always infatuated with girls who were just as into porn as me and I took it as a sign we were compatible when in actuality we probably were just both addicted. Entire relationships build around sex and fantasy with no deeper connection.
And perhaps vice versa addiction is addiction
 

lucy_18

New Member
These two are my own main reasons. The first one is the fact that I never realized I had a problem and the second one is when I started to realize it I was hesitant to make an account. I have been looking at the forum for a couple of months every now and then, but since there are so few women I felt like you don't get a lot of input. And the forum is 99,9% geared to the problem of men. While I do think there probably is a lot of overlap, there are some important issues that are just very different for us women. Not sure what to expect from this forum really, but I thought it might be worth a shot;)
Couldn't agree more, I was just reading other pages and ended up here, and after reading a good amount of posts about ED, I realised there's also a (too inactive) section for women, so I thought I'd give it a try and participate as well.

I've always suspected my "complicated libido" was really just messed up from starting p at 11, but the other 3 OP's hypotheses definitely apply to me. God, at times I even convinced myself that women are just too complicated and I just had to find someone who I felt completely comfortable with. Now that I've been in a happy and committed relationship for a few months, the issue has become undeniable.

So, just a little motivation, every woman taking the time to share her experience matters. It is inspiring me to start.
 

Jinx2109

Active Member
I've noticed that I'm pretty much the only woman posting here on a regular basis. That seems strange to me, given how high the statistics are for porn use in women. Why is this forum mostly men?

My hypotheses:
  • Women aren't expected by society to use porn, so women who have this problem are too ashamed to admit it
  • Women aren't expected by society to use porn, so women who have this problem are considered feminist and sex-positive for having "sexual agency" and thus don't even realize it's a problem
  • This forum is so geared towards men (talk of erectile dysfunction, etc.) that women with this problem feel like this isn't a good space for them
  • Women experiencing PISD (porn-induced sexual dysfunction) are told that it's because female sexuality is just "so complicated" and that they just need to try harder*, thus obscuring the real issue at hand
I'm lucky to have stumbled across this place, and I hope that by spreading more awareness, more women will find this forum and be helped by it. Men aren't the only ones who struggle with porn use, and they shouldn't be the only ones getting help for it, either.

*Can confirm this is a thing that happens. Before I realized my problem was PISD, all the advice I found for how to orgasm with a partner was condescending tripe like "just relax" and "love your body" as if that's gonna work on any but the mildest of cases
This is why i started my journal in the age group that applied to me and not the gender group...but now im wondering if i should have posted in the women's category? 🤔
I think you really summarized the issues perfectly though. It is really nice seeing women here(if only few) being open and honest about the issue and that it is an issue.
 

Jinx2109

Active Member
Yknow i was thinking about this and realizing maybe there would be more women here if it were an equal space for women? Not to sound feminist lol but the "mens section" is the entire site basically with separated age groups, but the women just have 1 thread/forum? I don't know if its cause or effect but if there are people who feel safer having the sexes seperated then i feel like it would feel more inviting if women had equal space. Could be a great improvement for the site?
 

Jinx2109

Active Member
Hey Gracie! I think if there was a mens and womens on the main page and then when you click those each were broken into age groups would probably make it feel like women had equal space on here.
 

Chuckles

Active Member
I think the issue is that with the men, there are enough of us that we can separate by age and still have enough in our "bracket" that we feel part of a collective. With the lack of women, they would be spread too thin. I may be wrong on that.

I also think that if a woman wanted to make a thread in the corresponding men's age group she would be welcome. Or they can put their age bracket in the title of their thread if they want.
 

Jinx2109

Active Member
Im glad youre welcoming women to post in the age threads, thats where i put mine! I understand some women may not be comfortable with that, im still curious if we had the same space for women if more women would feel welcome and join the site or if its purely that women may be less likely to seek a forum and help like this for this issue. Could be both!
 

GBS

Respected Member
Not me, but I am guessing it might for some. I am approaching 200 days sober. I am trying to remember what I was like when in the first month and I think I would have been more interested in your story then some other man’s. Sorry for the unhelpful brutal honesty.

That said, I would just do it anyway. Not illegal. If people need to avoid the trigger they just remember your thread name and don’t read, surely? 🤷
 

Gracie

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
@LilDarkOne As a woman who is a partner of a recovered porn addict , you should know there were no places for women on either side when I started as a partner. So I was on Your brain rebalanced, went to appropriate age group and asked my questions. In return, I answered theirs. Occasionally pretty rough. But it prepared me for some here. So hop in and ask. I had a different struggle as a partner, but found help. You may be able as well. Give it a shot. Be respectful and see what happens. I am a moderator I will check in and make sure it stays respectful. Any big problems, let Gabe or I know.
 
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