Whats the point anymore?

Sadlette

New Member
My partner says he has a porn addiction, we have been together for almost a year and a half and he has never been able to come during sex. Sex doesn't even seem to be actually enjoyable at all to him, he tends to say his arms hurt or his back after only 10 minutes or so and then he lays back and masterbates with his eyes closed for sometimes up to 50mins or more. Before sex there is no foreplay, he just lays there and expects me to get him hard after telling me he is randy (and that's getting rarer and rarer). I feel unwanted, unloved, used, ugly and betrayed. Last night I asked him about his porn use and he actually smiled about the fact he is still looking at pictures, he doesn't see an issue as its not videos anymore....
I don't need other people to get me off....
I'm wondering what the point is anymore, I've never felt this unattractive and repulsive before.
I just don't understand why he can't empathise at all. Its like its a joke to him and it makes me want to curl in a ball and die.
He is supposed to be moving in soon but if I can't satisfy him, I'm never going to be able to... Will he find satisfaction elsewhere, like he is now but just in real life? I already feel mentally cheated on, it would kill me if he did physically.
 

canguro

Active Member
Hey Sadlette,
I am very sorry you have to go through this, I can hear the pain speaking through your words.
I am a recovering porn addict myself and my honest opinion is, that he has to admit and realize that he has a big problem and if he doesn't see it, he is pretty good at lying to himself. What you describe sounds horrific to me, he lying beside you and having to masturbate to finish, I'd die of shame.

So first thing he has to see there is a poblem and HE has to change and understand how he makes you feel, if he can't see that, you should get the hell out of this relationship as fast as possible imho.

If he admits he has a problem, you should both read the book Your Brain On Porn and/or watch Gary Wilsons Ted-Talk on YT to understand the mechanics of porn addiction.
Also he has to understand, how he makes you feel. What helped me a lot to understand the partners view was reading the partners section on this forum to realize, what my behaviour did to others in the past.

I wish you the best, take care of you!
 
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