Scared to Lose Myself, I need help

[Remembrance]

I really don't know how to start this. In any case, I'm sorry for the long text and any grammar errors, this isn't my native language.

So, I think I started watching porn around 11 - 12 years (Right now I'm 19 years old), didn't do it a lot back then but once I knew what masturbation was it's been downhill from there. I've never had that much confidence to be honest, but I had friends, also I have never had a relationship and nowadays, I think it's because of my addiction I can't properly talk with girls without getting nervous and coy about it.

Anyway when I started noticing the addiction was when I lost contact with a dear friend of mine trying to start a relationship, in fact it was the only month when I didn't watch any porn at all, thing is, after that I started changing, and I didn't know why. I started getting attracted to males which was weird because I'm a straight guy, then it went on to trans women it got to a point where I would start crying in class because I didn't recognize myself and felt wrong about everything in me. The addiction started to grow stronger with all this negative thoughts trying to escape reality. This is the first time I talk about my addiction because I feel totally ashamed by it.

So the addiction went from vanilla to femdom, then I found sissy porn and that's where something broke inside me because it wasn't just that it was the forced fem hypnosis as well. It's gotten to a point where my brain wants to be blank and focused on entirely pleasure, a point in which I see myself as a girl and can't know for certain if that truly is me or something that came out of the suggestions. I'm really scared because If I keep going like this it will only get me deeper into the rabbit hole and I don't want that to happen.

If anyone reads this at all thank you so much for your time, I really wanted to get this out of me, talk to someone anyone, and I would gladly accept suggestions and advices, I really need them, I've tried doing it by sheer will, but it isn't enough i mostly relapse by the fifth day. Anyway thank you guys.

 

[Carl_Smith]

Thanks for your story. You write very well, luckily you don't have severe brain fog. Sorry you've been caught in all the fetish stuff. That has gotten way worse in the last 20 years.

You're exactly right that porn addiction makes it hard to look women in the eyes and think of them as people. It's awful. But you can recover.

Can I suggest reading https://flying-eagle-method.org/ , it only takes about an hour. I am the author and 5 months free with that method, which does not use willpower. Good luck, I believe your rational brain can wake up!

 

[Chuckles]

My advice...
You can't do this by sheer will. It would be easier to lift a school bus; no one has that much strength.
Figure out what your goals are. Make them concrete. Not "I'm going to try to watch less porn". But really think about what yours goals are and write them down.
Make a plan for those goals. How will you get from where you are to where you want to be?
Figure out what makes it easy to PMO. Figure out what your automatic habits have become. Break those habits, don't make it easy. If you automatically sit down at the computer every morning, get rid of the chair, or move the computer to a new location, or unplug the computer every night... anything to break that physical/mental habit. If you use your phone in bed at night, plug it in across the room. If you can't do it on auto pilot, you'll be more aware and more able to take a breath and walk away from it.
Have something healthy to take the time and focus you normally give to PMO. It could be art, jogging, meditation, volunteering, going to the library. Anything that won't just become another unhealthy addiction, and that you can't easily switch to porn from (for example, if you say you're going to write a book with the same computer you use for PMO, don't do it, the temptation will be too easy)
Talk to a mental health/addiction specialist if you can. You say you're in classes? If it's at college you may have access to free counselors through your school's health center. Or you may be able to see a psychologist if you have health insurance.

Most important: Don't wallow in shame. Believe you can do this. Don't beat yourself up too bad if you slip up, but don't be too forgiving either. Future you is counting on present you. And don't give up and go back to PMO if you slip up. Reset, and find your determination again.

HTH

 

[MonadoBoy]

I really don't know how to start this. In any case, I'm sorry for the long text and any grammar errors, this isn't my native language.

So, I think I started watching porn around 11 - 12 years (Right now I'm 19 years old), didn't do it a lot back then but once I knew what masturbation was it's been downhill from there. I've never had that much confidence to be honest, but I had friends, also I have never had a relationship and nowadays, I think it's because of my addiction I can't properly talk with girls without getting nervous and coy about it.

Anyway when I started noticing the addiction was when I lost contact with a dear friend of mine trying to start a relationship, in fact it was the only month when I didn't watch any porn at all, thing is, after that I started changing, and I didn't know why. I started getting attracted to males which was weird because I'm a straight guy, then it went on to trans women it got to a point where I would start crying in class because I didn't recognize myself and felt wrong about everything in me. The addiction started to grow stronger with all this negative thoughts trying to escape reality. This is the first time I talk about my addiction because I feel totally ashamed by it.

So the addiction went from vanilla to femdom, then I found sissy porn and that's where something broke inside me because it wasn't just that it was the forced fem hypnosis as well. It's gotten to a point where my brain wants to be blank and focused on entirely pleasure, a point in which I see myself as a girl and can't know for certain if that truly is me or something that came out of the suggestions. I'm really scared because If I keep going like this it will only get me deeper into the rabbit hole and I don't want that to happen.

If anyone reads this at all thank you so much for your time, I really wanted to get this out of me, talk to someone anyone, and I would gladly accept suggestions and advices, I really need them, I've tried doing it by sheer will, but it isn't enough i mostly relapse by the fifth day. Anyway thank you guys.

I think you will escape this addiction. The fact that you recognize that the porn you have been watching is weirder and worse is a good thing. Personally that moment for me was when I was looking at goblin rape hentai. Fucked up, but there are many like us who have been turned into degenerates because of porn addiction. The fact that we realize means we are one step closer to cutting off the addiction. I wish you the best of luck. We’re gonna make it

 

[TakeActionNow]

The P industry is the most fucked up industry.
The best thing for yourself is to be in touch with yourself again.

Refuse
Replace
Restore
Resurrect
Return

Go spend some quiet time.
Be interested only in yourself and not on others.
Get good at something and keep improving it.
Your true sense will return