New Journal

K

k-fff

Well-Known Member
Day 38

I’m just constantly exhausted at work now. The job really hasn’t changed much, but I don’t have energy for anything after. I am falling asleep at 5. I hope after this week i feel better. I haven’t had really any desire to watch p, but like I said in the past, it might just be that it is currently “unavailable” and my mind is seeing it as not an option. I hope that it stays this way when the restrictions are lifted. It isn’t like that it would bother me if I had restrictions like these for the rest of my life because it honestly wouldn’t, but unfortunately, covenant eyes is extremely pricey.
 
D

Deleted member 27008

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hello my friend. first of all congratulations for the series. i have something to ask. do you think that doing mo when you are so bored makes you fall back? Does mo make the benefits disappear?
 
K

k-fff

Well-Known Member
Resurrection said:
hello my friend. first of all congratulations for the series. i have something to ask. do you think that doing mo when you are so bored makes you fall back? Does mo make the benefits disappear?
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I haven’t really seen any decrease in benefits, but I don’t feel much different other than less mood swings and generally better erection quality with a girl. I think MO can set people back who have developed PIED because MO and PMO are so closely linked. I think if you are used to fantasizing P scenes when MO’ing you really shouldn’t do it. Another reason MO can be problematic is the chaser effect that will often cause people to relapse. I don’t think you should worry about if it slows down your progress, it is more like does it lead back to porn if it does then you should cut it out.
 
K

k-fff

Well-Known Member
Day 41

I MO'ed day 38 night. There was no fantasy this time. I got some urges just now. I can tell I am really not out of the woods considering this was a very minor trigger, but it triggered me really bad. I avoid triggers most of the time, but yea, I need to find a way to deal with it better.
 
K

k-fff

Well-Known Member
Day 42

I am so tired of this addiction. I probably will pay for covenant eyes for another year. I just want to be done with this. It has taken so much time away from me and lately, I have made a lot of progress in everything I care about and I know porn will just ruin it and it will suck away all my time. Getting hit with that big urge yesterday was a wake up call. I hate this addiction so much I’m okay paying money to stay away from it. God that’s depressing.
 
K

k-fff

Well-Known Member
MO’ed on Monday night. This job stress is really getting to me now. Obnoxious shit just keeps happening with work.
 
K

k-fff

Well-Known Member
Still staying away from p at the moment. I will have a longer post explaining what happened when I feel the need to at the moment I am just dealing with urge lash-back from this recent relapse.
 
K

k-fff

Well-Known Member
My last relapse I got really overconfident and I removed filters without taking care of my own behavior and I inevitably relapsed because like usual with p it starts from something small and escalates.
Since then, I have had some of the worst urges I have ever had and for a whole week, I felt like I didn’t want to quit p. I was *that* obsessed. What has helped during that time was giving myself a rule that I had to watch a video that disgusted me for 10 minutes before I could watch p. I never made it past 2 minutes. This gives me a way out to use so I can actually work on dealing with my urges instead of relying solely on filters. At the moment, I feel normal again and I no longer feel obsessed with p. I am disappointed about the relapse, but I feel okay because I am immediately getting back on track and that’s what matters the most.
 
particularly_respecting

particularly_respecting

Active Member
14 days is great progress - keep it up!

How did you get tendinitis in your hands sounds tough - like RSI?
Please take good care of your hands and nip it in the bud - I know some people who have struggled with it a LOT
But look on the bright side - it's another incentive not to act out!
 
K

k-fff

Well-Known Member
particularly_respecting said:
14 days is great progress - keep it up!

How did you get tendinitis in your hands sounds tough - like RSI?
Please take good care of your hands and nip it in the bud - I know some people who have struggled with it a LOT
But look on the bright side - it's another incentive not to act out!
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A combination of piano and video games. I did finger exercises a lot one day on the piano and then played a video game for far too long caused the problem. Lately it’s been worse. I thought it got better but I need a longer break
 
particularly_respecting

particularly_respecting

Active Member
Yeah that's tough man
I play guitar and also spend all day typing at a computer, so it's something I'm worried about too
Maybe take a break from piano - use it as a chance to work on theory?

Hope it gets better soon. And of course, stay porn-free friend! 💪
 
K

k-fff

Well-Known Member
particularly_respecting said:
Yeah that's tough man
I play guitar and also spend all day typing at a computer, so it's something I'm worried about too
Maybe take a break from piano - use it as a chance to work on theory?

Hope it gets better soon. And of course, stay porn-free friend! 💪
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At the moment that’s what I am doing. Unfortunately, I am using the games to deal with work stress. I need to take a break from both.
 
K

k-fff

Well-Known Member
I feel very worn out. I don’t have any impulse for p, but I feel very tired. Depressed is the best description. The future looks grim at the end of the day. I am not happy.
 
particularly_respecting

particularly_respecting

Active Member
Just sending you some support brother!
It will pass I am sure
I bet it is withdrawal - we have been dripfeeding our minds dopamine for so long that there is a lot of pain when we cut off that supply
But our minds will become resensitized and in the end the pleasure will be greater

Stay strong - you got this 💪
 
K

k-fff

Well-Known Member
particularly_respecting said:
Just sending you some support brother!
It will pass I am sure
I bet it is withdrawal - we have been dripfeeding our minds dopamine for so long that there is a lot of pain when we cut off that supply
But our minds will become resensitized and in the end the pleasure will be greater

Stay strong - you got this 💪
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Thanks for all the support man. I appreciate it.
 
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