Mindfully accept that the urges will be there, non-judgmentally. Breathe deeply and slowly until the urges pass…
you got this, k-fff!
you got this, k-fff!
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Had some urges in the morning. Just focused on doing this as much as possible. I don’t think I’m very good at it, but I didn’t relapse. We will see how the rest of the day goes.
It takes practice. Maybe look up 'urge surfing' and you'll get a picture of what this looks like. There's an acroynm that helps:
A - Acceptance. Be accepting, even welcoming of the urges to P, PMO or MO
W - Watchful. Watch as an outside observer without judgment, with compassion and understanding.
A - Act. Take action on these urges by breathing deep, and staying calm in the moment. Without responding to the urges, for or against, neither feed nor fight the urges, just breathe through them until they pass!
R - Repeat. Repeat steps 1-3, until the urges pass. Hence the term 'urge surfing' as urges often come in waves.
E - Expect. Know that these urges, and whatever cues or 'triggers' them for you will come, but have an expectancy that you will handle them successfully.
In my own experience I've put this into practice several times successfully. On one day in particular, the urges were literally coming in waves, and I just repeated what I wrote above. Or, if I get 'triggered' by something I see, I'll put it in practice.
Ok, will do. I made it through the day yesterday with no further risky behaviors.
You can do it! Someone recently compared their addiction to a cat and themselves to a mouse. I understood their point, but I also suggested that at some point there will be a role reversal: the cat = themselves and the mouse = their addiction or former habits.
When we accept full responsibility (which by the way is the quickest way to rebound from a lapse), that whether we succeed or fail, abstain or lapse- or even relapse, that it's all from within ourselves, when this happens we take away the power that we've given to porn, to our own habits or addictions, to circumstances or triggers, and place it back in ourselves.
You know how they say a forest fire creates its own weather? That's kind of how our addictions can be defined: a series of decisions that became habits, that then (taking on its own weather) became addictions. But, how we entered this thing is how we exit, by walking backwards with each and every decision, eventually creating space between ourselves and our [former] behaviors.
Take back power from this thing, place it back in your own lap, change the habits that surround 'the habit' and do so repeatedly, consistently. Repetition created our chains, and repetition is what breaks them.
You got this, brother!
Mostly hopeless, I just want normalcy, but that seems impossible. I’m back to not having extreme urges. I also have no hope for the relationship I’m in. It didn’t really have a solid beginning and it seems like most of my relationships have been like that just on quicksand not because of p surprisingly enough other things. I need to decide if I’m really ending it or not and commit.
Had pmo relapse awhile ago don’t really know when. I’m not counting days. I don’t want to track something like this my whole life. I haven’t gone back to using. I had euphoric recall today which I think is one of the biggest reasons I relapse. I’m feeling ok just tired.
Lately, I have been having some really bad euphoric recall. I always have a lot of it when I’m very tired and I am trying to sleep. I’m not sure how to fully stop it because it will happen when I’m half awake. When I’m conscious of it, it is easier to cut off. My covenant eyes subscription is coming up soon. I think I’m going to not renew it. I made a step in the right direction dealing with urges on my own a few weeks back; I need to do that again but with covenant eyes when I get past the initial freak out and the sudden feeling of “availability” urges die very quickly, but it’s definitely that first reaction that needs to be overcome to make more progress. I need to accept I am going to have urges and be okay with that.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Yes, I have the same feeling sometimes that it's me who needs to figure out a way how to stay away from porn. I have this parental control activated but I can always figure out a way to watch porn if I really want. It's all about whether or not I cross the line. Urges don't lead to porn per se, what leads to porn is when I make the decision I'm going to watch. After this it's just a matter of time, I find a way to work around everything that's in my way and porn. I think everything starts in the mind first.
My blockers have only helped in the sense they have created a line I can’t cross in my head. Otherwise they essentially become useless because you activate the porn seeking part of your brain when trying to get around them and eventually there is a way, but having that mental block has given me some breathing room which I’m thankful so now it’s all about building on that by handling urges on my own more.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Yes, it's good it helps you. It doesn't help me because my head is not sorted out. If I make the decision to watch porn, it's on.
Yep, so far I’m okay, but I’m yet to have crazy urges.