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k-fff

Well-Known Member
Got urges did not urge surf ashamed of the edging relapse. I didn’t finish which is probably worse. Maybe 3 hours total idk. Depressing to say the least. If I made it over this huge urge today, they would have died a lot. I had it for my phone blockers and I got over it. Sigh depressed now
 

k-fff

Well-Known Member
I’m gonna focus on practicing urge surfing and not freak out about my failures. I need to start doing this more. I need to accept I will continue to have urges for p for a long time.
 

k-fff

Well-Known Member
Made it through the rest of the day felt miserable still feeling quite horrible today. I know I can urge surf I’ve done it just need to keep doing it.
 

k-fff

Well-Known Member
I put on blockers again. I did relapse for like two weeks then about a few days ago relapsed from an old phone. Everything is back in place. I know if I manage urges once on my own it makes it much easier. Like for example when I had stopped myself from using another device to download I rarely have urges to do that. That mentality of I can't do that just needs to be applied to my computer and my phone. My recent relapse has caused really bad mood swings and some really bad stress headaches.
 

k-fff

Well-Known Member
nothing good to report. maybe i go a month then relapse. tired. extremely depressed because some personal problems. porn doesn't even really help just gives me a stress headache
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
nothing good to report. maybe i go a month then relapse. tired. extremely depressed because some personal problems. porn doesn't even really help just gives me a stress headache

Hi k-fff!

Going a month is worth reporting as good news, as it could be worse (as you know). Are you exactly where you were before you started 'trying' to quit?

Sorry for your depression, as I know the holidays can contribute to (or cause) that.

Never give up, and rise to the challenge- 'a new year, a new you'. You got what it takes inside of you, brother!
 

k-fff

Well-Known Member
Hi k-fff!

Going a month is worth reporting as good news, as it could be worse (as you know). Are you exactly where you were before you started 'trying' to quit?

Sorry for your depression, as I know the holidays can contribute to (or cause) that.

Never give up, and rise to the challenge- 'a new year, a new you'. You got what it takes inside of you, brother!
Thanks, Phineas, I just was feeling worse because of the cyclical nature of this and my dependency on blockers to make any headway.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
It is cyclical, but we can treat it as an upward spiral. The next time the urges come around, maybe we'll be in a better place to dismiss them...

Doing the same things but expecting different results, we know what that amounts to...

Why not try it different this time, without the blockers? Aren't they always an issue, working with them or working around them... What if you showed yourself that you can ignore and dismiss urges without a big old fight (which usually only feeds the urges), and without blockers...?

You can do this, brother!
 

k-fff

Well-Known Member
It is cyclical, but we can treat it as an upward spiral. The next time the urges come around, maybe we'll be in a better place to dismiss them...

Doing the same things but expecting different results, we know what that amounts to...

Why not try it different this time, without the blockers? Aren't they always an issue, working with them or working around them... What if you showed yourself that you can ignore and dismiss urges without a big old fight (which usually only feeds the urges), and without blockers...?

You can do this, brother!
I'm honestly a bit terrified to remove anything. At the moment, I don't think about p, but when I get urges now, it's like my head is about to explode and I get a really bad stress headache. Today, I had really bad urges and it felt like that. It took me over an hour to calm down. I have no confidence to handle the urges without the blockers at the moment I'm sorry to say.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
I have no confidence to handle the urges without the blockers at the moment I'm sorry to say.

There's nothing to be sorry about, brother. Each of our stories are different, and how we each approach our healing will vary. I only mentioned blockers because that's what you reported feeling worse about, due to a dependency on blockers.

I would suggest of thinking of ways that build confidence and self-respect by keeping little promises to yourself. Because haven't we trained ourselves through this addiction that we "...can't be trusted"? So, even if it's a promise to clean your office, or make your bed every morning, start there to keep promises to yourself. Avoid procrastination like kyrptonite. When a need to do something comes to mind, as far as is practical, just do it right away- or start it- and you will build self-confidence that way as well.

Eventually you'll come to a place where you can 'trust yourself' enough to remove, even if slowly, a dependency on external blocks. Eventually, you yourself will be the P-blocker.
 

k-fff

Well-Known Member
There's nothing to be sorry about, brother. Each of our stories are different, and how we each approach our healing will vary. I only mentioned blockers because that's what you reported feeling worse about, due to a dependency on blockers.

I would suggest of thinking of ways that build confidence and self-respect by keeping little promises to yourself. Because haven't we trained ourselves through this addiction that we "...can't be trusted"? So, even if it's a promise to clean your office, or make your bed every morning, start there to keep promises to yourself. Avoid procrastination like kyrptonite. When a need to do something comes to mind, as far as is practical, just do it right away- or start it- and you will build self-confidence that way as well.

Eventually you'll come to a place where you can 'trust yourself' enough to remove, even if slowly, a dependency on external blocks. Eventually, you yourself will be the P-blocker.
Thanks for the recommendation. I will start putting these things into practice. I really do appreciate all the advice and guidance.
 
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