New Journal

[k-fff]

Still stressed horribly. I still don’t really have urges anymore thank God. I really mean that. That built up association between porn and phone/computer use caused so many relapses in the past. That is one thing I can say the blockers really did help with. They eroded those associations a lot which helped me a great deal in staying away from it. It hasn’t even been that long since I last used which is why I am trying to remind myself constantly of the danger of relapse because like I said in a previous post. This thing can come out of nowhere again and ambush you if you’re not careful.

 

[k-fff]

I think I recently had my first urges that I’ve had in a long time. Much more toned down and happened while I was half awake trying to sleep. I had no behavior attached to it just that familiar feeling. I can confidently say though no matter how stressed or how tired I am I am glad I am not using porn.

 

[k-fff]

I think I had some urges yesterday night to use, but I’m not fully sure anymore. Yesterday, was 90 days no PMO unfortunately I had watched p on November 3rd so it’s not a full three months without p completely. I’m writing to remind myself it really hasn’t been a long time and p directly prevents me from doing the things I want to do. I hate that I let this thing control me for seven years.