There's nothing to be sorry about, brother. Each of our stories are different, and how we each approach our healing will vary. I only mentioned blockers because that's what you reported feeling worse about, due to a dependency on blockers.
I would suggest of thinking of ways that build confidence and self-respect by keeping little promises to yourself. Because haven't we trained ourselves through this addiction that we "...can't be trusted"? So, even if it's a promise to clean your office, or make your bed every morning, start there to keep promises to yourself. Avoid procrastination like kyrptonite. When a need to do something comes to mind, as far as is practical, just do it right away- or start it- and you will build self-confidence that way as well.
Eventually you'll come to a place where you can 'trust yourself' enough to remove, even if slowly, a dependency on external blocks. Eventually, you yourself will be the P-blocker.