Super severe PIED case

Hi everyone, I'm John.
I'm very convinced that I got one of the worst PIED cases here. I (19m) have been a heavy user of pornography since I was 11, went from usual vanilla porn to very hardcore extreme fetishes and it got to a point that I started to doubt my sexuality. I discovered NoFap back in 2017 but I didn't take it very seriously until 2019 and I've been battling this addiction since then. My PIED is so severe that even while watching my favorite fetishes and scenes my erection is about 50%, I swear to god I don't even remember the last time I got hard with a girl. Morning wood? What's that? I might have been 12 the last time I had a morning wood. There were times that I edged to porn for +12 hours nonstop, my sessions usually lasted about 3 hours daily, now imagine this going on for years and years. I literally destroyed my brain.

The reason I joined this forum today is because I started dating a wonderful, beautiful girl, really guys it's the girl of my dreams and I am 100% sure we are going to have sex sooner or later and I'm sure I won't be able to get hard. I've been thinking about what I'm going to say to her, at first I thought I could tell the truth but I think it's easier to say that I started taking some medication like SSRI and that I need some time to get my libido back and dick hard again.

This is the start of a journey, I'm 100% determined that I'm not going to watch porn ever again. This not going to be quick nor easy considering the severity of my addiction. I'm probably going to come back here in a few months to give you guys an update. My biggest fear is losing this girl because we can't have sex.
 
so a few things come to mind here. Yes absolutely binging porn the way you described could be causing problems. But if I asked you the following how would you respond?

1. are you constantly focused on whether you’re getting an erection when you masturbate?
2. When you wake up in the morning is one of the first things you think about checking for signs of morning wood?
3. Are you generally thinking about and worrying about having a failed attempt at sex with your partner in the future?

i ask these questions because while porn can certainly affect your libido and what you are stimulated by, anxiety around the performative aspects of sex is also a huge libido killer and will stop any erection in its tracks.

also - don’t lie to this woman. That’s never the answer. If she’s the right one for you she’ll be understanding and want to help you through it and that alone may help take some pressure off and allow you to relax, which will be key to any success. Lying will only build and add to the pressure you’re already putting on yourself.
 
so a few things come to mind here. Yes absolutely binging porn the way you described could be causing problems. But if I asked you the following how would you respond?

1. are you constantly focused on whether you’re getting an erection when you masturbate?
2. When you wake up in the morning is one of the first things you think about checking for signs of morning wood?
3. Are you generally thinking about and worrying about having a failed attempt at sex with your partner in the future?

i ask these questions because while porn can certainly affect your libido and what you are stimulated by, anxiety around the performative aspects of sex is also a huge libido killer and will stop any erection in its tracks.
1. Not really, I usually focus on what I'm watching.
2. No.
3. Yes, I am. I'm afraid of how she is going to react.
 
1. Not really, I usually focus on what I'm watching.
2. No.
3. Yes, I am. I'm afraid of how she is going to react.
It’s good that you’re not totally in your head about it yet. But the fear about her reaction needs to be addressed and the best way is to be honest with her about what you’re struggling with. I know what it’s like at your age and there’s a lot of fear about opening up and being vulnerable with someone else, but trust me when I say it’s the right thing to do and will lead to a better outcome in the long run. I had relationships that I ended to avoid doing that and regretted it for a very long time. Secrets break relationships either way, so choose the honest path
 

forestwater

Member
Hi John, glad you made it here! Honestly, I think most reboot beginners are convinced they have the worst case out of anyone else. But regardless of whether that's true, the brain is an incredibly malleable thing, and even the most intense of cases can recover given enough time.

In terms of whether to tell the girl you're dating, my advice would be to be honest without going into specifics. Something like, "Hey, I think you're beautiful and I'm really attracted to you. But one thing you should probably know about me is that I have a condition that leads to me having difficulty getting erections. It's treatable and I should be seeing some improvement soon, but in the meantime I would love to make you feel good in other ways (cunnilingus, fingering, sex toys, etc.)." If she asks what the condition is, you can tell her if you want, but you could also say "I'd rather not go into that right now."

An important thing to remember is that there are many ways to have wonderful sex that don't involve an erect penis. And given the abysmal rate of orgasms among straight women, I think it's safe to say that making sex less dick-centric would lead to an improvement in many women's satisfaction. At any rate, I think the girl you're seeing may have less complaints about your PIED than you might think.

Good luck!
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
so a few things come to mind here. Yes absolutely binging porn the way you described could be causing problems. But if I asked you the following how would you respond?

1. are you constantly focused on whether you’re getting an erection when you masturbate?
2. When you wake up in the morning is one of the first things you think about checking for signs of morning wood?
3. Are you generally thinking about and worrying about having a failed attempt at sex with your partner in the future?

i ask these questions because while porn can certainly affect your libido and what you are stimulated by, anxiety around the performative aspects of sex is also a huge libido killer and will stop any erection in its tracks.

also - don’t lie to this woman. That’s never the answer. If she’s the right one for you she’ll be understanding and want to help you through it and that alone may help take some pressure off and allow you to relax, which will be key to any success. Lying will only build and add to the pressure you’re already putting on yourself.
This. This right here. Every single word of it. Especially the part about being honest with your girl. Dude I know it’s going to be a hard conversation. Noah church and gabe deem I believe will have some good videos about whats Happening with you and how to explain to your partner. You could even watch some with her. If you and her get on the same page and tackle this thing together it will be so much easier, faster, less stressful, and even fun. Plus you won’t have the weight of maintaining a lie on your shoulders.

at any rate you’re making the right choice quitting. Good job man
 
Thanks everyone for reaching out.
It’s good that you’re not totally in your head about it yet. But the fear about her reaction needs to be addressed and the best way is to be honest with her about what you’re struggling with. I know what it’s like at your age and there’s a lot of fear about opening up and being vulnerable with someone else, but trust me when I say it’s the right thing to do and will lead to a better outcome in the long run. I had relationships that I ended to avoid doing that and regretted it for a very long time. Secrets break relationships either way, so choose the honest path
That's exactly what I'm afraid of, being vulnerable with someone I just met.
Hi John, glad you made it here! Honestly, I think most reboot beginners are convinced they have the worst case out of anyone else. But regardless of whether that's true, the brain is an incredibly malleable thing, and even the most intense of cases can recover given enough time.

In terms of whether to tell the girl you're dating, my advice would be to be honest without going into specifics. Something like, "Hey, I think you're beautiful and I'm really attracted to you. But one thing you should probably know about me is that I have a condition that leads to me having difficulty getting erections. It's treatable and I should be seeing some improvement soon, but in the meantime I would love to make you feel good in other ways (cunnilingus, fingering, sex toys, etc.)." If she asks what the condition is, you can tell her if you want, but you could also say "I'd rather not go into that right now."

An important thing to remember is that there are many ways to have wonderful sex that don't involve an erect penis. And given the abysmal rate of orgasms among straight women, I think it's safe to say that making sex less dick-centric would lead to an improvement in many women's satisfaction. At any rate, I think the girl you're seeing may have less complaints about your PIED than you might think.

Good luck!
Thanks a lot for the reply. I'm still working out what I'm going to say to her because I'm afraid of showing myself as vulnerable. I will try my best to master my tongue and finger game. I'm buying some viagra or cialis too just in case, I know PIED is all in our head but I want to give it a try.
This. This right here. Every single word of it. Especially the part about being honest with your girl. Dude I know it’s going to be a hard conversation. Noah church and gabe deem I believe will have some good videos about whats Happening with you and how to explain to your partner. You could even watch some with her. If you and her get on the same page and tackle this thing together it will be so much easier, faster, less stressful, and even fun. Plus you won’t have the weight of maintaining a lie on your shoulders.

at any rate you’re making the right choice quitting. Good job man
I get where you are coming from but I don't feel very comfortable telling a girl I just met all my problems and my addiction. Some girls just want to have some fun.

But anyway I'm coming back to update you guys when I have something relevant. Don't even worry because I'm not going to relapse.
 
Thanks everyone for reaching out.

That's exactly what I'm afraid of, being vulnerable with someone I just met.

Thanks a lot for the reply. I'm still working out what I'm going to say to her because I'm afraid of showing myself as vulnerable. I will try my best to master my tongue and finger game. I'm buying some viagra or cialis too just in case, I know PIED is all in our head but I want to give it a try.

I get where you are coming from but I don't feel very comfortable telling a girl I just met all my problems and my addiction. Some girls just want to have some fun.

But anyway I'm coming back to update you guys when I have something relevant. Don't even worry because I'm not going to relapse.
Nobody is saying you two can’t have fun while you’re working through this problem! That’s a mindset you should work to re-frame. In my experience with women they can get incredibly aroused and orgasm without any penetration. Oral sex, toys, fingering are all great tools you can employ and that will also build your confidence to a point where you can feel comfortable opening up with her. You’ll get there in time.
 
D

Deleted member 26201

Guest
Hi everyone, I'm John.
I'm very convinced that I got one of the worst PIED cases here. I (19m) have been a heavy user of pornography since I was 11, went from usual vanilla porn to very hardcore extreme fetishes and it got to a point that I started to doubt my sexuality. I discovered NoFap back in 2017 but I didn't take it very seriously until 2019 and I've been battling this addiction since then. My PIED is so severe that even while watching my favorite fetishes and scenes my erection is about 50%, I swear to god I don't even remember the last time I got hard with a girl. Morning wood? What's that? I might have been 12 the last time I had a morning wood. There were times that I edged to porn for +12 hours nonstop, my sessions usually lasted about 3 hours daily, now imagine this going on for years and years. I literally destroyed my brain.

The reason I joined this forum today is because I started dating a wonderful, beautiful girl, really guys it's the girl of my dreams and I am 100% sure we are going to have sex sooner or later and I'm sure I won't be able to get hard. I've been thinking about what I'm going to say to her, at first I thought I could tell the truth but I think it's easier to say that I started taking some medication like SSRI and that I need some time to get my libido back and dick hard again.

This is the start of a journey, I'm 100% determined that I'm not going to watch porn ever again. This not going to be quick nor easy considering the severity of my addiction. I'm probably going to come back here in a few months to give you guys an update. My biggest fear is losing this girl because we can't have sex.
i understand that many of you have ed issues with porn and masturbation that has lead to moderate/severe ed. but sometimes oral medications, injections and nofap/ noporn just fails. HOWEVER THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE PLEASE FINISH READING. there are some dudes on reboot nation who are 4/5 years abstaining from porn and masturbation and haven’t seen any improvement. when i had (still have) ed, seeing these scare stories terrified me. about a month ago i seriously considered and began planning for suicide. i am 19. the thought that there was a possibility that i would never be able to engage in a loving relationship and have kids terrified me. i couldn’t look forward to a life with possibly endless loneliness and pain. i have been suffering with pied for two years and lost a relationship with someone i loved because of this. i only discovered nofap in november, and haven’t seen significant improvements but i know i will need time (if this works). however, what stopped me from considering suicide was an article on the bbc about inflatable penile implants. i am in no way telling you guys to get one, or that it’s a walk in the park. but i want to spread awareness that this last resort IS ALWAYS THERE. it is a common procedure. discovering this possiblity has reassured me that no matter what happens, the possibility of having a family and falling in love is in no way tarnished my ed. because if needs be, the penile implant is there when all else fails. it has a very high satisfaction rate when done by the right surgeon. so please don’t talk about giving up on life or considering suicide in your teens/20s. i have been there. there is something for everyone. best research at least. your life is worth a 45 minute surgery. there is more than hope with ed, there is guaranteed recovery no matter what. love you all so much SO MUCH LOVE <3<3<3<3
 
I relapsed. Feeling very suicidal and anxious but I'm going to keep my head up.

I went on a third date with a girl I'm completely in love with and at the end of it we were both at the back of her car, we kissed and made out for a whole two solid hours and my dick was dead the entire time. Completely dead. I did drink a bit but there wasn't anything wrong with her, she was my type and this is all my fault. I could feel her hands trying to feel it multiple times. Fuckin sucks, I can't believe I'm going through this. I feel like crying right now.
 

Fappy

Respected Member
damn that sucks. and getting back into porn is just going to make you feel even more depressed and wretched. looks like youre going to have to avoid anything sexual with her for a while, until your cock works again at least. as difficult as that may seem, it is do-able. you can still be intimate with each other without penetrative sex, although it may drive you insane. but relapsing agian after another failed attempt will set you back even further.
 
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