Coming_Out_Strong
Member
Where should I begin haha. Like many of you on this site porn has been a hindrance in my life for a very long time and I have suffered the negative effects of what comes along with it. The brain fog, the social anxiety, the this, the that, and the most fearful and dreaded of all...PIED. The latter has caused much self doubt, anxiety, lack of self confidence at times and missed opportunities throughout the years. I have tried many times over the years to kick this addiction but always end up falling back into porn. This journey will be the end of that.
A quick run down about me. I'm 36 years old and started on porn roughly around 13 or 14. That was back during the dial up days and when still photos were pretty much all that you could find. I also indulged in VHS tapes throughout my high school years and PMO'd pretty much every day. Porn was already changing my brain at this time and I didn't even know it. The first time I had sex (15) I went 20 mins and didn't even ejaculate due to us being interrupted. I thought I was the man for going so long but in reality I was already starting to be desensitized as that first time should've lasted all of 30 seconds haha. Looking back on it that was nothing more than DE due to PMO'ing so much. There were other successful conquests up until I was 17. That's when everything changed. I was at a friend's house, met a girl and when we went into the bathroom to do the nasty the limp noodle reared it's ugly head for the first of what would be many times. This was a complete shocker and blow to my confidence. A few weeks later, I was with a girl that everyone in the school wanted. Once again getting ready to do the nasty and I felt nothing down there. Another fail with no explanation. I was very into her but couldn't understand what was happening. From there rumors started and my confidence took a hit. This caused me to be very hesitant about approaching females and trying to proceed further as most of my friends were. Mind you I was a very well known individual, good looking by most females standards and had a lot of potential.
My college years were pretty much the same and I was on a campus surrounded by a bunch of beautiful women. Almost an all girls school when looking at the ratio of women to men. Knowing that PIED would more than likely rear its head I spent my college years avoiding approaching women with a fear if it got to that point I would only do nothing but embarrass myself. During this same time period I always seemed to be successful with one night stands or hook ups that had no emotional connection. I guess this was due to the novelty of it and not feeling the pressure to perform. Through my 20s and 30s this always seemed to be the case. Throughout the years I have also been in relationships but the sex was up and down because I battled with porn and PIED which caused a lot of inconsistencies and looking back on it probably caused a lot of other problems.
But one thing I do know is that refraining from porn and PMO will cause the man downstairs to work well. Back during my college years every summer I was always staying in a place where there was no computer or porn to PMO too. This was before smart phones (I don't even think the phone screens had color haha) and porn could not be accessed without a computer or VHS/DVD. Every summer when I was in a situation when sex arose I never had to think twice about him getting rock hard and having a successful encounter. And this was plenty of times. Even multiple sessions in the same night was not a problem. Of course there was no correlation between porn and PIED back then (early 2000s) but hindsight 20/20 I rarely PMO'd or MO'd during those summers and he always was ready to go no matter the situation. So for the ones on this site who are struggling with this addiction and PIED there is light at the end of the tunnel if you stick the course. And that is what I'm here to do.
I am going 120 days hard mode during this rebooting process. I am limiting my phone/internet use, will be exercising at least 4 times a week, will be utilizing box breathing techniques in the am, plan on getting good sleep and eating healthy. I will not be drinking alcohol or smoking during these 120 days. The plan is to do a complete dopamine reset. Even though I'm here due to PIED and kicking this addiction the overall goal is to be living a better life when it's all said and done.
I'm sure this post has bounced around and most of it is jumbled together but throughout this reboot feel free to comment and ask questions. I will be journaling everyday when I can as I feel this will be therapeutic in it's own sense and look forward to kicking this addiction and PIED's ass. I will also be commenting and giving encouragement on other's post.
TO A BETTER FUTURE W/O PORN
A quick run down about me. I'm 36 years old and started on porn roughly around 13 or 14. That was back during the dial up days and when still photos were pretty much all that you could find. I also indulged in VHS tapes throughout my high school years and PMO'd pretty much every day. Porn was already changing my brain at this time and I didn't even know it. The first time I had sex (15) I went 20 mins and didn't even ejaculate due to us being interrupted. I thought I was the man for going so long but in reality I was already starting to be desensitized as that first time should've lasted all of 30 seconds haha. Looking back on it that was nothing more than DE due to PMO'ing so much. There were other successful conquests up until I was 17. That's when everything changed. I was at a friend's house, met a girl and when we went into the bathroom to do the nasty the limp noodle reared it's ugly head for the first of what would be many times. This was a complete shocker and blow to my confidence. A few weeks later, I was with a girl that everyone in the school wanted. Once again getting ready to do the nasty and I felt nothing down there. Another fail with no explanation. I was very into her but couldn't understand what was happening. From there rumors started and my confidence took a hit. This caused me to be very hesitant about approaching females and trying to proceed further as most of my friends were. Mind you I was a very well known individual, good looking by most females standards and had a lot of potential.
My college years were pretty much the same and I was on a campus surrounded by a bunch of beautiful women. Almost an all girls school when looking at the ratio of women to men. Knowing that PIED would more than likely rear its head I spent my college years avoiding approaching women with a fear if it got to that point I would only do nothing but embarrass myself. During this same time period I always seemed to be successful with one night stands or hook ups that had no emotional connection. I guess this was due to the novelty of it and not feeling the pressure to perform. Through my 20s and 30s this always seemed to be the case. Throughout the years I have also been in relationships but the sex was up and down because I battled with porn and PIED which caused a lot of inconsistencies and looking back on it probably caused a lot of other problems.
But one thing I do know is that refraining from porn and PMO will cause the man downstairs to work well. Back during my college years every summer I was always staying in a place where there was no computer or porn to PMO too. This was before smart phones (I don't even think the phone screens had color haha) and porn could not be accessed without a computer or VHS/DVD. Every summer when I was in a situation when sex arose I never had to think twice about him getting rock hard and having a successful encounter. And this was plenty of times. Even multiple sessions in the same night was not a problem. Of course there was no correlation between porn and PIED back then (early 2000s) but hindsight 20/20 I rarely PMO'd or MO'd during those summers and he always was ready to go no matter the situation. So for the ones on this site who are struggling with this addiction and PIED there is light at the end of the tunnel if you stick the course. And that is what I'm here to do.
I am going 120 days hard mode during this rebooting process. I am limiting my phone/internet use, will be exercising at least 4 times a week, will be utilizing box breathing techniques in the am, plan on getting good sleep and eating healthy. I will not be drinking alcohol or smoking during these 120 days. The plan is to do a complete dopamine reset. Even though I'm here due to PIED and kicking this addiction the overall goal is to be living a better life when it's all said and done.
I'm sure this post has bounced around and most of it is jumbled together but throughout this reboot feel free to comment and ask questions. I will be journaling everyday when I can as I feel this will be therapeutic in it's own sense and look forward to kicking this addiction and PIED's ass. I will also be commenting and giving encouragement on other's post.
TO A BETTER FUTURE W/O PORN