Clean day, i am reading tips on how to finally stop this destructive behavior. I take notes and i learn. I am eating way too much at the moment but at least i am controlling what i am eating. I will try to adjust the quantity. So i don't have a big amount of food. I will also try to eat slower.
I want deeper connections in my life. But i can't expect other people to do the work for me. I have to open my heart to people first, tell my own truth. I have to show my flaws. I can tell it now, i don't care anymore, i am a P addict. And what i hope is that i don't watch P once again in my life.
Even if i had urges my whole life, i wouldn't want to do it. I deserve my respect. And other people too. Imagine being the woman, watched by thousands of men on earth who don't see her but nothing else than her body. Seeing her as an object. Imagine the fact that she might be here because she couldn't choose. Anyway PMO is really far far far far from what is deep social connection. When we watch P we are alone, we lie to ourselves, we seak pleasure and see others as objects, we are not focused and switch between different videos, we are driven by novelty, we watch unethical content ... Whereas a real connection is with someone, all senses are involved, we make ourselves vulnerable to the other one, we listen and are focused, we sympathize ...
I hope that one day, P is forbidden or that at least there are some preventions.