Hey everyone, I'm six weeks into my reboot and after six weeks without porn or ejaculation I'm really starting to feel the lure back toward pornographic materials. I've resisted it but I can feel it, like an itch in the back of my mind, especially when something sets off an anxiety response in me. My work is a big trigger for that. At first, I think perhaps between the 2nd and 4th weeks, I felt great. Full of more energy than usual, optimistic about the way things might go, and resisting the urges to watch porn without too much difficulty. Now it's like I'm constantly low level irritable and moody because my brain isn't getting the fix it wants. I live with my long term partner and I find myself getting irritated around her too, like some part of me is resentful that I'm around a real person and not jacking it to some airhead porn model. It's maddening, really. I've been a long term user of porn to the extent that I know it's impacted my ability to have real sexual relationships with...well...real women, and that it's impacted the way I see females too. I want to be better. I want to not have this constant internal conflict. But I also want to not feel moody and irritable all the time because I'm denying myself the dopamine hit my brain wants. I'm determined to overcome this but the journey to that point is starting to feel difficult.
Thanks for listening...well, reading, I guess.
Thanks for listening...well, reading, I guess.