How do you make sure that relapse is impossible? how are you proactive?

Mike123

Member
What has helped me so far is to have a block on my phone (I use blocksite app) and get someone to password protect it so you can't unlock blocked categories or sites or uninstall it and just try to keep yourself occupied as much as you can
 

Fappy

Respected Member
Disclaimer: you WILL relapse.
Anyone attempting a reboot for the first time will relapse, its part of the process. I dont mean that you should go out and seek a relapse, but its learning process and relapses help to identify the things that trigger you to PMO and strengthen your resolve.
But i think the best way to, as you said, win the battle before you fight is to stop the urge before it even manifests. That is, to identify the triggers that usually cause you to get the urge to PMO. By stopping them in their tracks you can avoid slipping up.
 
There is no magical trick to doing it. If there was everyone would avoid relapse.

I’ve relapsed many times and while I’m by no means far along on my journey at 26 days it’s the best I’ve done. The difference was the same strategy I used to be clean off drugs for more than a year now:

1. Take it one day at a time. It’s not about “going 90 days” without it. It’s about going today without it, knowing you will give yourself the same challenge tomorrow. When you stare down a really high and far off goal it’s easy to put it off. after all, relapsing today only sets you one day back from that. But you do that over and over again and before you know it months, even years have gone by without any change.

2. Remind yourself anytime you are tempted, frustrated or otherwise vulnerable that no matter how you may feel, watching porn is NOT the answer.

these two simple rules can really improve your odds. When I quit drugs I found that after about 50 days I started caring more about breaking my streak than I did the cravings for the drug, and that made it infinitely easier to keep going. I’m hoping I reach a similar point with porn.
 

AlexFightsAlex

New Member
I find this quite similar to a war in a sense. This means, when your enemy does something bad to you, you need to think about a counterattack, especially with the triggers. Made up example:

- I relapsed using my phone in my room, so I put in place a routine of not using my phone in my room, only in a different place
- I relapsed with my phone in another place, so I put a filter
- I relapsed using the computer, so I put another filter in the computer

Little by little you are cornering your enemy. But this is a process that you will be learning as it goes. The mindset here is to continue moving forward and to find creative ways of blocking as many temptations as possible. To me internet filters are a must and a very good beginning. Many times we try to deceive ourselves rationalizing and saying that it is not that important, that I can make it on my own, etc. But the reality is that I'm not that powerful, and that filters are a really good help. At least to me.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
that is, how do you make sure you win the battle before you fight?
By keeping the porn dopamine to the minimum. How does your relapse start? In my case, it starts by engaging with the porn in my head (the fantasies and flashbacks). I keep my porn dopamine to the minimum by avoiding to engage with the porn in my head as soon as possible. If I start "playing porn in my head", the dopamine gets wild, the more it lasts the more I'm pushed toward "more", and more means watching. Now, can you identify how your relapse starts? Avoiding to engage with that is a start.
 

vegasguy

Member
Same here, it's the fantasies, and excitement created in my mind that leads me to acting out. For myself. It starts out slowly, then intensifies as a couple of days go by.
I've failed many times, but I find that staying in the moment definitely helps. I mean by being active in this group, posting and replying to others- make it a priority.
I'm here today. Because the Dopamine in my head is raging, and I'm not going to engage today.
Sharing and engaging keeps the crap out of your head. It's amazing what your mind will tell itself to get it's drug. Porn is our most addictive substance, more addictive than Herion.
Good luck!
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Same here, it's the fantasies, and excitement created in my mind that leads me to acting out. For myself. It starts out slowly, then intensifies as a couple of days go by.
I've failed many times, but I find that staying in the moment definitely helps. I mean by being active in this group, posting and replying to others- make it a priority.
I'm here today. Because the Dopamine in my head is raging, and I'm not going to engage today.
Sharing and engaging keeps the crap out of your head. It's amazing what your mind will tell itself to get it's drug. Porn is our most addictive substance, more addictive than Herion.
Good luck!
Yes, that's right. Avoiding to engage with the fantasies and the excitement is a start. The key here is to stop the dopamine as early as possible, at the first thing that happens by avoiding to engage with it, to give it attention. I know it's not always easy but we have the right to try. I've made an effort since the beginning of the year to avoid engaging with the porn flashbacks and fantasies that use to lead me to watching porn and it worked really well.
 
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