My heart yearned for something.
I started digging,
to find the gems of the dunya.
All my effort and focus for the treasure beneath me.
Nothing stopped me from getting it.
I went deeper,
for what I got was not enough.
Ignorant of the light fading away,
while sinking into the depth of desires.
I could’ve stopped,
but I didn’t care.
Time took it’s toll,
I had no more strength to move forward.
I made enough, still wanted more.
I looked up, to spend it all.
Only to realize,
that I shoveled too deep to climb up,
digging my own grave.
I fathomed my mistake.
I forgot to look up to the heavens,
as I was busy looking down to the earth.
My hands plenty with all that I desired.
Yet, a heart hollowed.
I traversed the path I had traveled,
regreting the choices I made.
Only if I had not digged that day,
And spent my time and health more wisely.
I was fading away in the darkness,
darkness of guilt and regret.
Despairing of life.
Nothing lies ahead of me,
except death, total darkness.
Soon, I saw a speck of light.
I leaned forward, wondering.
Then I saw a rope, the rope of Allah.
I held tight to the rope of Allah,
For, Allah will never leave his side.
It’s me who had abandoned my side,
and fell into darkness of dunya.
That’s the rope which,
took me out from the pit of darkness,
to the brightest of light.
Nourishing the life in me,
from near death to life.
Filling the hollowness in my heart,
a heart filled with light and hope.
I said, Alhamdulillah.
What did I do to deserve this honor?
Indeed, the mercy of Allah!
Now I have the light.
The light which guides my path.
A light of hope and mercy,
and a rope to the heavens.
It's only as tough or demanding as we make it in our minds. What changes 'out there'? Women get more sexier? Or, we get weaker? None of those things are true, right?
I used to set up fake limitations, like, I always seem to lapse after x-amount of days, but that was all in my head. If I can live free for 3 days, I can live free for 300. If I didn't cave when the family members were out for the day, and all I did was focus on my work and have a good time, I can do that in the future. Or, if the last chaotic and emotional time just had me face it and deal with it, without acting out to porn, then the next crisis can be met with just as much resolve.
I still have these false limitations come up, like I convinced myself that the month of March is when I typically act out. But does it need to be this way? There are cyclic patterns, but even these are things we've bought into in our mind.