Finally, I'm doing this…

Ezel

Active Member
i relapsed yesterday night, the urges were so overwhelming I couldn't stop.

it seems like I'm cursed with porn or I'm just too weak minded...

god I hate this.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Sorry to hear this Ezel.

I know it can feel like you're not going anywhere, but that would be a lie. You're killing it. In the last 5 months you've messed up only twice! That is quite the accomplishment compared to whatever you were doing before all of this.

I know it sucks to mess up a streak, but this is just a bump in the road of your recovery.

Keep charging ahead man, you're an inspiration to us all!

Best

Blondie
 

Ezel

Active Member
Thanks Blondie, I'm going to take a break from the community, i will not be very active in the coming days like I used to.

It's not like I will be binge watching porn on this Period, I'm going to abstain from porn but I'm not going to journal about it, i just need time to reflect and figure out where I'm headed and what i can do about it.

I wish the best for all of you guys, keep pushing the limits and stay away from the poison.

Peace.

Ezel.
 

SimonM

Active Member
i relapsed yesterday night, the urges were so overwhelming I couldn't stop.

it seems like I'm cursed with porn or I'm just too weak minded...

god I hate this.
Man. After the story you told here about how much of a grip P had on you, I would say having a 60 day streak is ANYTHING BUT something a weak minded person can do. Relapses happen. We have to learn from them but never give up. You've grown a ton, gained much knowledge. You're a better man today. Counting days doesn't matter that much other than as a motivator. What counts is that you are transforming your life. So you failed one day out of 60. That's 59 clean days. Sure - the goal is to never do this again - but it may take time. As long as you genuinly do all you can then you're doing great! Take care!
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
I can so relate to this, Ezel. But you are anything but 'weak minded'. It's an addiction, and it wasn't formed overnight. I so admire that you did back to back lengthy streaks! You're a 'heavy hitter' here on RN, and I'm inspired by your efforts.

Lapses are a part of recovery, and none of what happened undid any of your progress.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Good job, Ezel, back to your 'new normal'. This is you now, a man that doesn't use P, or MO. Never give up and always get up! Keep swinging at this thing, and the shadows will eventually dissipate.

Good luck, and God bless your efforts, brother!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Right on Ezel!

It's great to see you back on track. I have two things for you.

1. Remember, although you're starting a new streak, this is no beginning, it's just a continuation of what you started five or six months ago. You've had a streak of 100 something days and then a streak of 60 something days, thus you've been clean a total of at least 160 days! Yes, you've had a few bumps in the road, but that's life and you're only human. But you must remember and know deep within yourself that you're NOT the man you were six months ago. So please get this drilled into your head. This is an amazing feat.

2. Also, right before you relapsed you and I talked about not thinking in black and white. I was saying if you're about to relapse, remember that to MO is much better than to PMO etc., and that doing MO does not mean you have to follow with PMO. I think when I said this, you were alreadly in the heat of the moment, thus, it was hard to see clearly, which is understandable (I've been there at least a thousand times!).

So my advice to you is this: while you're not in the heat of the moment and can think clearly, really figure out before hand your contingency plans before things go to shit. For example, is it okay to MO to try to get the beast out of your system before you go all the way with PMO? Does God really think MO is just as bad as PMO? Is my black and white thinking clouding my judgement here? I can't answer these questions for you, because they're all personal and they don't have black and white answers, only you can. However, it's great to know beforehand while you can still think clearly so as to know what to do when that moment inevitably comes.

Best brother.
 

Ezel

Active Member
day 5, no po, no mo (monk mode).

thanks blondie, will do my friend. your perspective on white and black thinking is on point, I think it's the reason why I didn't set a foot beyond the 100 days mark of no pmo, but again my relapses didn't eliminate the work I had done and like you said 160 days with just two relapses is a good record. hopefully this time I will make it, and leave this shyt behind once and for all.

thanks again partner.

peace.

Ezel.
 
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