Ezel
Respected Member
Day17, no po, no mo.
I had a sexual dream two days ago, not a wet dream cuz even though i dreamed of sexual things, i didn’t ejaculate.
Man, it was so disturbing. i dreamed of me holding my phone watching a gang rape video.
Never in my life have I watched these types of videos, I swear to god.
I didn’t even watch the threesome videos, I'm usually very repulsed by them.
I only watched boy/girl scenes the last time I relapsed, that’s it.
But dreaming of a gang rape video, man it was too much.
In the dream when i was holding the phone and watching the video,at first i didn’t know it was a gang rape, but as soon as it was the second guy’s turn, i woke up immediately, i was shoked.
I woke up paranoid in my room, and started looking all over my room and seeing what was happening, finally I came back to my senses.
It was just a freaking dream, thank god.
I checked if I ejaculated but nothing was there.
Man i didn’t have time to ejaculate, the moment i saw that shit in the dream i woke up like thunder struck me.
Man that shit was too much to handle for me, I could not imagine watching it in real life, nor do I intend to watch it ever.
That’s a no no to me, even in the lowest points i reached in watching porn, i never went to that side.
But the million dollar question is :
Why was this happening??!
I couldn’t figure it out, but there is one thing that I know for sure.
I’m on the right path, my reboot is doing what it is supposed to do.
But how do I know??
No pain no gain, that’s your answer, if this was easy everybody will do it.
That’s why there is a porn addiction in the first place, cuz the majority of people watching porn are addicts.
Or else they would watch porn without having any downsides in their life, and they would go on with their lives without any problems.
But that’s not the case at all, porn is destroying lives.
There is no other path than pain and suffering, if you thought that this would be easy, you will relapse sooner than you think.
It’s tough, and it will get tougher. So man the fuck up, or else you won’t make it to the end.
Later that day, I went to the gym to work my ass off, Just to distract my mind of what i dreamed of.
I trained for an hour and a half, and in the 15 minutes left before I finish my workouts and go home, guess who comes into the gym??
It’s the gym hot girl, and the only girl in the entire gym, can you believe it.
When I first got the gym membership I knew that there were no women in the gym. That's why I chose this gym in the first place, there are no women around to endanger my reboot.
This hot girl won’t make it easy for me after I had that dream.
Just 15 min left before I leave. I just have to be patient for 15 minutes, that's all.
I can see all the guys in the gym checking her out working out with her boyfriend or whoever he is to her.
They made it so hard for me. to see all the men check her out and you keep focusing on your workouts, that’s tough man, i’m telling you.
But after a while. I’m not going to lie, I did check her out, I don't know if it was intentional or not.
I managed to look away immediately after, and resume my workouts.
As I was minding my own business I could see her checking me out through the mirror. I was training harder when I saw her checking me out lol….
Man if it wasn’t for her boyfriend or whoever he is, i would go and talk to her.
But I don't know if meeting a girl at this point will do my reboot any good.
Or it will be the start of a relapse, who knows….!!
After that last set I left the gym and I was relieved that she’s not in front of me to check her out anymore.
I shouldn’t check her out. I messed up, I have to work more on controlling my impulses. You never know what checking women out will lead you into, but in my case, 99% will lead me back to porn.
Thank god it didn’t turn out that way and I'm still standing up.
Okay, see you tomorrow. Peace.
Ezel.
I had a sexual dream two days ago, not a wet dream cuz even though i dreamed of sexual things, i didn’t ejaculate.
Man, it was so disturbing. i dreamed of me holding my phone watching a gang rape video.
Never in my life have I watched these types of videos, I swear to god.
I didn’t even watch the threesome videos, I'm usually very repulsed by them.
I only watched boy/girl scenes the last time I relapsed, that’s it.
But dreaming of a gang rape video, man it was too much.
In the dream when i was holding the phone and watching the video,at first i didn’t know it was a gang rape, but as soon as it was the second guy’s turn, i woke up immediately, i was shoked.
I woke up paranoid in my room, and started looking all over my room and seeing what was happening, finally I came back to my senses.
It was just a freaking dream, thank god.
I checked if I ejaculated but nothing was there.
Man i didn’t have time to ejaculate, the moment i saw that shit in the dream i woke up like thunder struck me.
Man that shit was too much to handle for me, I could not imagine watching it in real life, nor do I intend to watch it ever.
That’s a no no to me, even in the lowest points i reached in watching porn, i never went to that side.
But the million dollar question is :
Why was this happening??!
I couldn’t figure it out, but there is one thing that I know for sure.
I’m on the right path, my reboot is doing what it is supposed to do.
But how do I know??
No pain no gain, that’s your answer, if this was easy everybody will do it.
That’s why there is a porn addiction in the first place, cuz the majority of people watching porn are addicts.
Or else they would watch porn without having any downsides in their life, and they would go on with their lives without any problems.
But that’s not the case at all, porn is destroying lives.
There is no other path than pain and suffering, if you thought that this would be easy, you will relapse sooner than you think.
It’s tough, and it will get tougher. So man the fuck up, or else you won’t make it to the end.
Later that day, I went to the gym to work my ass off, Just to distract my mind of what i dreamed of.
I trained for an hour and a half, and in the 15 minutes left before I finish my workouts and go home, guess who comes into the gym??
It’s the gym hot girl, and the only girl in the entire gym, can you believe it.
When I first got the gym membership I knew that there were no women in the gym. That's why I chose this gym in the first place, there are no women around to endanger my reboot.
This hot girl won’t make it easy for me after I had that dream.
Just 15 min left before I leave. I just have to be patient for 15 minutes, that's all.
I can see all the guys in the gym checking her out working out with her boyfriend or whoever he is to her.
They made it so hard for me. to see all the men check her out and you keep focusing on your workouts, that’s tough man, i’m telling you.
But after a while. I’m not going to lie, I did check her out, I don't know if it was intentional or not.
I managed to look away immediately after, and resume my workouts.
As I was minding my own business I could see her checking me out through the mirror. I was training harder when I saw her checking me out lol….
Man if it wasn’t for her boyfriend or whoever he is, i would go and talk to her.
But I don't know if meeting a girl at this point will do my reboot any good.
Or it will be the start of a relapse, who knows….!!
After that last set I left the gym and I was relieved that she’s not in front of me to check her out anymore.
I shouldn’t check her out. I messed up, I have to work more on controlling my impulses. You never know what checking women out will lead you into, but in my case, 99% will lead me back to porn.
Thank god it didn’t turn out that way and I'm still standing up.
Okay, see you tomorrow. Peace.
Ezel.