Finally, I'm doing this…

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day17, no po, no mo.

I had a sexual dream two days ago, not a wet dream cuz even though i dreamed of sexual things, i didn’t ejaculate.

Man, it was so disturbing. i dreamed of me holding my phone watching a gang rape video.

Never in my life have I watched these types of videos, I swear to god.

I didn’t even watch the threesome videos, I'm usually very repulsed by them.

I only watched boy/girl scenes the last time I relapsed, that’s it.

But dreaming of a gang rape video, man it was too much.

In the dream when i was holding the phone and watching the video,at first i didn’t know it was a gang rape, but as soon as it was the second guy’s turn, i woke up immediately, i was shoked.

I woke up paranoid in my room, and started looking all over my room and seeing what was happening, finally I came back to my senses.

It was just a freaking dream, thank god.

I checked if I ejaculated but nothing was there.

Man i didn’t have time to ejaculate, the moment i saw that shit in the dream i woke up like thunder struck me.

Man that shit was too much to handle for me, I could not imagine watching it in real life, nor do I intend to watch it ever.

That’s a no no to me, even in the lowest points i reached in watching porn, i never went to that side.

But the million dollar question is :

Why was this happening??!

I couldn’t figure it out, but there is one thing that I know for sure.

I’m on the right path, my reboot is doing what it is supposed to do.

But how do I know??

No pain no gain, that’s your answer, if this was easy everybody will do it.

That’s why there is a porn addiction in the first place, cuz the majority of people watching porn are addicts.

Or else they would watch porn without having any downsides in their life, and they would go on with their lives without any problems.

But that’s not the case at all, porn is destroying lives.

There is no other path than pain and suffering, if you thought that this would be easy, you will relapse sooner than you think.

It’s tough, and it will get tougher. So man the fuck up, or else you won’t make it to the end.

Later that day, I went to the gym to work my ass off, Just to distract my mind of what i dreamed of.

I trained for an hour and a half, and in the 15 minutes left before I finish my workouts and go home, guess who comes into the gym??

It’s the gym hot girl, and the only girl in the entire gym, can you believe it.

When I first got the gym membership I knew that there were no women in the gym. That's why I chose this gym in the first place, there are no women around to endanger my reboot.

This hot girl won’t make it easy for me after I had that dream.

Just 15 min left before I leave. I just have to be patient for 15 minutes, that's all.

I can see all the guys in the gym checking her out working out with her boyfriend or whoever he is to her.

They made it so hard for me. to see all the men check her out and you keep focusing on your workouts, that’s tough man, i’m telling you.

But after a while. I’m not going to lie, I did check her out, I don't know if it was intentional or not.

I managed to look away immediately after, and resume my workouts.

As I was minding my own business I could see her checking me out through the mirror. I was training harder when I saw her checking me out lol….

Man if it wasn’t for her boyfriend or whoever he is, i would go and talk to her.

But I don't know if meeting a girl at this point will do my reboot any good.

Or it will be the start of a relapse, who knows….!!

After that last set I left the gym and I was relieved that she’s not in front of me to check her out anymore.

I shouldn’t check her out. I messed up, I have to work more on controlling my impulses. You never know what checking women out will lead you into, but in my case, 99% will lead me back to porn.

Thank god it didn’t turn out that way and I'm still standing up.

Okay, see you tomorrow. Peace.

Ezel.
 

Burnside627

Member
At the end of the day we are human right? Naturally we want to look at women. I have always acknowledged and moved on and never gave fantasized. If you are feeling like checking out girls is going to make you relapse then at least you have identified it and should avoid to stay away from it. Now I’m not saying do it because dipping your toes in that water is gonna make you want to just jump in. It’s what your actions are afterwards is gonna determine if you relapse or not. Let’s face it at the gym there is always gonna be some sort of hot girl. She might not even be the most attractive thing considering you are surrounded by sweaty dudes and it’s a complete change of scenery. In the construction field we call that “construction hot”.

Now your sex dream to me is definitely uncommon. That shit shakes you to your core. It is common for addicts to have dreams where you are using and it feels real. When quitting alcohol I would have drunk dreams. Every sense would be alert. I would wake up freaking out thinking I broke my sobriety. I’m talking these happened even after I was sober for a year. My advice to you is take it as it is. It’s your brain and body wanting you to experience those things. It didn’t happen. It’s a bad nightmare. You can move past them.
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day18, no po, no mo.

@Burnside627 you’re absolutely right on what you said about the men’s weakness towards looking at women, we just can’t help it.

But for me, if i just learned one thing from my last relapses, it’s that checking women out is the key to open the urges floodgates to my brain, it’s a trigger for me that will lead me to keep fantasizing about what i saw, and eventually relapse. Then back to square one.

I’ve been there every time i relapse, and i would ask myself if i just relapse every time, what’s the point of all this abstaining from porn thing, better to just keep watching porn.

It sucks man. But thank god, every time that dialogue happens inside my brain I could snap out of it, and start another reboot.

All this was caused by checking a woman on the street, or a sexy actress on tv, or a hot babe on youtube, or an insta model, many men would not consider it that big of a deal, but for me it will come eventually to bite me in the butt.

My brain will use anything just to get me back to the screen, I just can’t let that happen anymore, so I have to block those triggers from my brain.

At least now I know what my triggers are, not like before when I used to check women out on the street, lying to myself. It's better to do that than going back to porn, just soon after to relapse and binge watch porn.

Releasing what’s causing my urges was a major mindset shift, now every time I spot a trigger I look away, and I get to practice my free will over my junkie brain.

Checking women out feels good. I know. your brain gets flooded with dopamine. But getting control over your brain feels great also.

About the sexual dream i had, i can rest assure that i’m over it by now.

I no longer remember it that much, I think because I'm not into that kind of thing in the first place, it’s not my cup of tea.

But the question is : why did I dream of it, if I'm repulsed by it??

Is it because my brain is facing withdrawal symptoms and he did that to try to suck me back into porn by showing me that escalated content, which is good. I mean that the reboot is doing what it is supposed to do. Or is there something else to that??

The first option is unwiring my neural pathways from high dopamine levels caused by porn, towards more normal dopamine levels caused by going out and living the life I want and practicing useful habits.

I’m not a scientist, but at least I can now understand what’s going on inside my brain.

There are so many resources to get educated on this addiction, and doing that will give you an advantage for sure.

Resources like : your brain on porn by gary wilson, dr. trish leigh youtube channel, wack addicted to internet porn by noah church….

okay thanks @Burnside627 for your support. peace.

Ezel.
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day19, no po, no mo.

I can feel it already.

I mean advantages of going through this reboot for 19 days in a row without relapsing.

I’m more energetic than before.

I wake up early every day, around 6:30am, pray for 30 minutes then do my workouts for an hour to start the day and shake the sleep off my head.

By 8am I have finished my routines and start my day earlier than anybody else in the house.

When i was struggling with porn i wouldn’t wake up till 10am when the sun is already in the sky, anything i had to do will be scheduled for another day cuz my day is already gone by waking up late, and i’m not in the mood cuz masterbating last night to sleep sucked the energy of me.

But that was the old me. I’m a different person now.

Also i’m in total control of my sexual impulses, like yesterday when i went to the gym…

After 30minutes of workouts the only hot girl in the gym walked in, i saw her through the mirror, and i kept my head down immediately.

I acted like she wasn’t there in the first place, I just kept training and minding my own business.

Even though I had urges to look at her, I didn't respond to them. I can ignore them easier than before, either those urges are getting weaker or I'm the one who got stronger. Either way is good for me.

In one moment she was in front of me, and i was behind looking at myself in the mirror, as i’m standing i hold a barbell over my head then lower it to the back of my neck to train my shoulders.

As I was doing so she turned to face me, I could sense that she’s watching me, but I didn't look at her for once I just kept looking in the mirror as i’m doing my reps.

She was in front of me for 30 minutes, before going to another machine. If i wanted i could check her out and get that dopamine hit immediately, but i knew what was happening, and i couldn’t let what was in my brain take over me.

Another thing is i did a week’s work on my website in just 2 days, i was so driven and motivated to put in some work on it.

I postponed starting my online business for 2 freaking years, cuz all the time and energy i had was taken by porn videos and masterbating to them, so i had nothing left to just do my workouts let alone starting my online business…

I was like a porn seeking zombie, just waiting for my family to leave the house then get my dose of dopamine.

But not anymore, all the things i said shows that anybody can leave this porn behind, i’m not saying i’m cured and i can now ride off into the sunset. The important thing is you just have to start, take a step at a time, work on yourself and believe that you can achieve it, then it shall come true.

The advantages i noticed are just the tip of the iceberg and there are more hidden that i didn’t notice, and many still to come. witnessing these are what keeps me going, i read a lot of stories about guys not witnessing any changes, they just have to be patient and stay on the course no matter what.

We are all heading towards the same goal (leaving porn behind), but our journeys are different, that’s why i’m seeing results already, and another guy doesn’t.

It all depends on how deep your brain is in the rabbit hole of porn, and i’m telling you if i’m seeing results you can too you just have to keep going on and pushing.

Nouf said. See you tomorrow and stay strong.

Peace.

ezel.
 

Burnside627

Member
Day19, no po, no mo.

I can feel it already.

I mean advantages of going through this reboot for 19 days in a row without relapsing.

I’m more energetic than before.

I wake up early every day, around 6:30am, pray for 30 minutes then do my workouts for an hour to start the day and shake the sleep off my head.

By 8am I have finished my routines and start my day earlier than anybody else in the house.

When i was struggling with porn i wouldn’t wake up till 10am when the sun is already in the sky, anything i had to do will be scheduled for another day cuz my day is already gone by waking up late, and i’m not in the mood cuz masterbating last night to sleep sucked the energy of me.

But that was the old me. I’m a different person now.

Also i’m in total control of my sexual impulses, like yesterday when i went to the gym…

After 30minutes of workouts the only hot girl in the gym walked in, i saw her through the mirror, and i kept my head down immediately.

I acted like she wasn’t there in the first place, I just kept training and minding my own business.

Even though I had urges to look at her, I didn't respond to them. I can ignore them easier than before, either those urges are getting weaker or I'm the one who got stronger. Either way is good for me.

In one moment she was in front of me, and i was behind looking at myself in the mirror, as i’m standing i hold a barbell over my head then lower it to the back of my neck to train my shoulders.

As I was doing so she turned to face me, I could sense that she’s watching me, but I didn't look at her for once I just kept looking in the mirror as i’m doing my reps.

She was in front of me for 30 minutes, before going to another machine. If i wanted i could check her out and get that dopamine hit immediately, but i knew what was happening, and i couldn’t let what was in my brain take over me.

Another thing is i did a week’s work on my website in just 2 days, i was so driven and motivated to put in some work on it.

I postponed starting my online business for 2 freaking years, cuz all the time and energy i had was taken by porn videos and masterbating to them, so i had nothing left to just do my workouts let alone starting my online business…

I was like a porn seeking zombie, just waiting for my family to leave the house then get my dose of dopamine.

But not anymore, all the things i said shows that anybody can leave this porn behind, i’m not saying i’m cured and i can now ride off into the sunset. The important thing is you just have to start, take a step at a time, work on yourself and believe that you can achieve it, then it shall come true.

The advantages i noticed are just the tip of the iceberg and there are more hidden that i didn’t notice, and many still to come. witnessing these are what keeps me going, i read a lot of stories about guys not witnessing any changes, they just have to be patient and stay on the course no matter what.

We are all heading towards the same goal (leaving porn behind), but our journeys are different, that’s why i’m seeing results already, and another guy doesn’t.

It all depends on how deep your brain is in the rabbit hole of porn, and i’m telling you if i’m seeing results you can too you just have to keep going on and pushing.

Nouf said. See you tomorrow and stay strong.

Peace.

ezel.
Good on you man getting past the female at the gym. You are going and focusing on yourself. Awesome that your level of motivation has increased too. Make sure you are finding that balance. That you are not dumping your addiction and time from PMO into something else. To me it seems like you are having a healthy balance and that is awesome man. Keep it at!
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day20, no po, no mo.

Thanks @Burnside627 for your support, I appreciate it very much.

I owe myself to do my best, and I hope eventually one day I will leave this thing behind and never look back.

Yesterday when I finished writing my journal, I hit the gym. no one was there, cuz it’s saturday, i was the only one there.

And apparently the hot girl won’t come so i was like whew…..lol.

Later that day, in the afternoon I started working on my laptop for 3 hours straight, just to keep myself busy and to switch the thoughts from my junkie brain that would take over if I just did nothing.

So after those 3 hours of work, i can feel myself burned down….

So instead of switching to another useful task like reading a book, or training my French, I decided to go watch the ridiculousness show on tv. I deserved it or so I thought….

But after waiting for a while, the show didn’t air. I don't know why, it usually starts at the same time every saturday….

So I was like why not watch it on my laptop instead of wasting time waiting… and I wish I didn't…

The thing is the show on tv is edited, i can feel it when i watched it many times, so many clips were removed i didn’t understand why, but the tv channel i watch it on is kind of a family channel, so there you go….

I didn’t know that at that time, the show is so much fun, I couldn't care less if they removed clips…

So when I started watching it on my laptop, the episodes were 20+ minutes, usually on tv they were like 15-18 minutes long…

And the show is not edited at all, they censored adult language like cursing and stuff when the host talked to the guests that’s it, but the clips were like let it rip…

The first episodes I watched showed videos of girls twerking, nudity, lap dancing and stuff like that, I was like what the hell is this…

I could pull myself out of it, I looked away and focused on what the host said instead of watching those videos. Just to keep those triggers away from my brain, I did get a glimpse of it here and there. I'm not going to lie…

After that first episode, i watched two more, they all had their share of triggers, the show is not all about triggers, You can have a good laugh watching it. But after the third episode I had to stop cuz this is starting to get out of control , that’s when my brain jumped in again to do his act…

Now I understand why they edited the episodes when I watched the show on TV. A lot of those episodes couldn’t be watched with your family sitting close to you…

So urges started pouring in after seeing those glimpses of triggers, but I managed to control my thinking process and soon after they were gone…

Something you have to understand, there is no amount of urges that could make you relapse, huh…what are you talking about, you say…

Cuz you give the power to those urges to take over by deciding to act on them, you will always have urges day in and day out, that doesn’t mean that you will always be cursed with porn. But the important thing is you get to decide to act on them or not, it’s your freaking decision man…. So choose wisely what you get yourself into.

A human being is the only creature who has something called
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Wait for it…
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the “will power”.... Umm hello… does that ring any bells…lol

Yes my man, I have it, you have it, he has it, we all have it, so start training and stretching that muscle….

And there is no better way for us rebooters to grow that muscle than saying no to urges and to triggers that want to take over….

I know, I know, it sounds too good to be true, or i may sound woo woo to you, but you don't have to take my word for it, just look at gabe deem or noah church and many others….that’s all the proof you need….

We can do this guys, you don’t have to stay a slave to porn for your whole life, just remember, you get to decide what your future looks like from this present moment, don’t wait for someone to come to save you, sorry to break it you this way, but no one will come….

Save yourself and choose wisely what you let inside your brain from now on…

Okay. nouf said, see you tomorrow and stay strong.

Peace.

Ezel.
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day21, no po, no mo.

So like i do every day, i come to this forum to write my journal.

For 21 days straight of no pmo, i never skipped a day of writing my journal.

This is one of the habits i want to stick to for the rest of my life, to write something, not only about my reboot to recover from porn addiction. But anything that comes to my mind, the important thing is just to write and pour my thoughts and feelings into a document.

And it's one of the habits that demands a thought process to pull off, to put it simply you have to forget about the world to write. And that’s what is so powerful about it, I can put my brain into something useful instead of fantasizing about porn.

So like i was saying, just moments before starting to write this thread, i opened the forum, and of all the threads posted on the forum’s homepage, one of them in particular caught my eye…

It was listed in the (so and so )category….

I'm not going to say the category’s name, just so that no one reading this will go to check it out, and eventually relapse and ruin your reboot…

“What type of content in it may cause me to relapse” you say…

Well, when I first saw it, the image caught my eye, it was a sexy girl’s image…

Then I got curious and read the title…

This person was posting escorting services in a god damn porn reboot forum…what the hell..

So I read the thread to see what this is all about, just to make sure if the thought I had in mind about this is true…

And it was. They offered these sexy girls to have sex with them and do suff, and then he offered many types of escorting and bla bla bla…

You know the drill…

Then he even posted the link to the escorting website. at first i was hesitant to click the link, i don’t want to relapse because of a thread like this, but eventually i clicked it, i told myself this won’t affect me…

For a moment I thought to myself, who’s talking? Is it me or my junkie brain trying to get me to relapse…

By then it was already over, I clicked the website and it opened on another tab….

After 3 seconds of seeing the website I closed it immediately…

It looked like a typical escort website, showing women’s bodies with their faces blurred so you can’t see them…

To put it in another way, it was prostitution disguised as an escorting service..

What the hell you have to blurr women’s faces for , just think about that…

Clearly these women have either been forced to do it, or it’s their choice to do it, which is worse…

I don’t know these women’s circumstances, but the path they have taken is the wrong path for sure. There are many other ways to make a living with your dignity intact. I prefer to do the most laborious work than go that route…

After what i saw, all i had to do was to report the post to the admins, and hopefully it will be taken out…

The person who posted this either chose the wrong place(which i highly doubt) to post it in, or he knows what he’s doing..(which is very likely)

This act is so diabolical, it’s like seeing a crack addict struggling and fighting to leave his addiction and out of the blue you come to him and offer him more crack. that’s what it sounds like to me…

For me I didn't get triggered by it, thank god. back in the days of watching porn, this kind of content wasn’t my thing..

Even though i was scared of relapsing when i clicked the link, i just did it to know what to say when i wrote the report to the admins, that’s all…

Just to see this kind of stuff in this forum in particular, shows that you can’t afford to let your guard down.

for us rebooters this forum is one of the safest places to talk about our journey in battling porn addiction, and to see this thing is not going to help us do that, it will make matters worse, and eventually cause relapses to anybody seeing it if they don’t have a strong will power to fight back.

Okay stay safe, and be strong.

Peace.

Ezel.
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day 22, no po, no mo.

Yesterday was one of the toughest days in my reboot till now.

I had stronger urges than ever before.

The reason is very likely cuz i stayed at home all day long cuz i was sick.

With no shit to do. Just watching tv and scrolling through youtube shorts.

So urges started pouring in.

I used to work with a chubby girl in my last job, she’s hot even though she’s a little overweight, and she’s 6 years older than me.

Back when i was watching porn, i used to watch the bbw category, that girl i worked with was the perfect presentation of that category.

So the urges i had yesterday were all about her, out of the blue i started fantasizing about her.

I don’t know why exactly, cuz when i used to work with her there was nothing but respect and work between us, although we had a good chemistry.

Back then I could feel all the male colleagues and customers were checking her out, even though she’s a little fat and when the guys were having boys talk about the women, they always addressed her as the fatty and she’s not their type.

Even Though when she walked past them, they were clearly checking her out, lol… boys will be boys…

With Large breasts and big butt, who could resist looking at her…

So that’s the one I was fantasizing about yesterday…

And I think watching youtube shorts triggered those urges to fantasize about that girl…

Even though whenever i see some trigger content i report it to youtube that i’m not interested in it, so that the next time i open the app it will not be showing to me…

I do this all the time when i’m using my phone, it’s a way to let the app's algorithms know what you like and what you don’t like…

So they double on the content you like (useful and informative content), and block and minimize the amount of triggering content…

So I was determined not to give in to those urges about the chubby girl even though they were too much to handle…

I think the reason why is that oversized women are one of my types…lol

I know, i know, it’s crazy. that’s why i think i used to watch bbw category a lot when i consumed porn…

A study published in the journal, The Royal Society Publishing, found that women with larger breasts and smaller waists were more fertile and thus, had a high reproductive potential—thanks to the higher levels of the female reproductive hormone, estradiol, in them.

That’s Another reason why. It's biological. Men in general like bigger breasts even if the woman is oversized or not…

In the end i didn’t give in to those urges even though they were overwhelming…

If I wasn't sick and did what I was supposed to do yesterday, those urges would not have occurred to me in the first place…

That’s why I always say that you have to be on purpose, find a goal, a task, and stick with it.

Don’t allow your whole day to be a free time, do something.

Go to the gym, go out with your friends, work on your business or a project, anything that will get you on purpose.. It’s your job to figure it out..

Afterall the reason why we are on this earth is to find our purpose and work on it…

And after you do you won’t have time to battle porn and fight against it, cuz now you don’t need that dopamine kick from porn and you will be satisfied with the normal dopamine levels you get from pursuing your purpose..

Even though the dopamine from porn is way beyond the dopamine from real life. at least the normal dopamine is caused by a real event instead of the high dopamine which is caused by an artificial not real life stimulus which is porn.

I will choose the first option any day of the week from now on…

For the second option I will pass, cuz it’s not worth it anymore. I have already lost years of my life that I will never get back because of it..

I suggest you do the same, your time in this life is limited, appreciate it and make it useful by finding your purpose and making the world a better place than you found it.

Control your brain or it will control you.

That’s it for today, stay strong.

Peace.

Ezel.
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day23, no po, no mo.

Still going strong, I still experience urges here and there from time to time but I manage to control myself and not give in to them.

yesterday was a productive day for me, I worked on my project and I was so focused I didn't have time for urges although they come and go, I didn't act on them and I can ignore them more easily.

if I just noticed something is when I took my lunch break and as I was watching a movie on tv, I saw this hot actress with a big butt running wearing tight jeans (you can imagine how that looks like).

I felt like my heart was going to jump off my chest, but I got hold of myself and looked away.

man, that was hard. you can never get your guard down around this technology(tv, phones, social media, youtube...)

if I just kept looking at that scene, probably I would relapse, and back to the starting line...

after that lunch break I had to give my brain something to work with, if I didn't, urges about that scene will start taking over my brain...

so I got back to work on my project...

all I'm telling you right now happened while I was sick, it was just cold, nothing serious, but I had to put in some work, knowing the fact that if I didn't, 2 days will go without anything being done.

a wasted day is better than 2 days wasted.

one thing that happened today, I woke up with a booner, not a rock-hard one(about 65%)but at least that's progress, I didn't experience Bonners in a while, the last time was in my second attempt to quit porn which took 4 months.

back then I started having them in my 3hird months like every morning when I woke up, I was horny as hell, it will take my penis 10+ minutes to get back to normal position.

in my fourth month I couldn't hold it anymore, I relapsed, the reason why is I was checking women out on the street and on social media, I wasn't aware of the trick my brain played on me.

telling me that checking women's parts is better than watching porn, just soon after that to relapse and watch it in the end.

but that was a long time ago, I learned my lesson now. I hope it will never happen again, and this will be my last attempt to be porn-free for life.

back to the present moment, after the booner I had when I woke up, I'm feeling hornier than usual, I don't know what this is about tbh.

cuz like I mentioned above that I didn't get horny till my third month in my last attempt. but I'm feeling it already.

is this going to be the start of the end, and eventually I will relapse like the last time. I hope not, I will pray to God to give me the strength to keep clean. I don't wanna go back, I don't want to.

I can feel my brain has some tricks up its sleeve for me.

from the booner I experienced today, I can tell that it will be hell from now on.

I will start having them every day, and I'm going to get hornier than usual. don't get me wrong on this, experiencing these things shows that you are healing and getting back the sexual energy that you lost to porn.

it's a good thing, and it will be hard, believe me, no pain no gain.

that's just how things work, if you want something you have to earn it.

I have to watch out for triggers like what I saw on tv yesterday, it's crazy how something you saw on tv or on the phone will start going back and forth inside your brain and in the end, it will probably get you to relapse.

you just can't afford to let your guard down around these devices.

you have to keep an eye on yourself, especially on your brain and what is it thinking about.

will see how this turns out, I'm not planning to back off, I didn't go 23 days just to relapse for a scene on tv, hell no.

I'm not who I used to be when I watched porn, acting on impulses and feelings of my junkie brain, I'm a strong person now.

stay strong, you got this.

peace.

ezel.
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day 24, no po, no mo. (yesterday).

nothing to say much. like any day I experience urges but don't act on them and I just ignore them till they fade away from my brain.

I was focused on a project I worked on, although I was lazy when I took breaks to relax, so I had to force myself to get up and finish my work.

on those breaks, I watched youtube shorts, and like always I come across triggering content, so I had either to report it or just ignore it and move on.

when I finished my work, I went to the gym in the afternoon. I didn't work out for 2 days cuz I was sick so this is my first day at the gym this week.

I felt good after that gym session, the laziness I felt early that day was gone.

just 5 minutes before leaving the gym, I saw the hot girl come in.

I just kept exercising in those 5 minutes and ignored her completely, then left her there and went home.

although I had urges that day, I had no intent to check any women out, I was minding my own business.

I just hope if all days were like this, easy to go through, not many urges, feeling very productive, working out, having control over my brain...

but I don't mind having tough days as well, cuz those who make you strong, and if you get through them without relapsing, you will learn many things about yourself and how easy it is to control your brain.

as long as I'm not relapsing and I'm not seeing triggers that will cause me to relapse, I'm fine with whatever my brain throws at me.

cuz I know by doing that, I get to callus my mind through suffering and pain.

Callousing your mind means you have to intentionally expose yourself to discomfort and pain. Over time, a callus will develop on your mind, then the discomfort will lessen and the pain will fade away. Furthermore, the mind can also be trained to love pain.

David Goggins is the one who introduced this concept, I encourage everyone to read his book can't hurt me, he explains it in so much detail and how you can get control over your brain.

after all, this is what brain reboot is all about, controlling the brain.

so we can leave this porn behind and reach our highest potential.

nuf said, see you tomorrow.
stay strong, peace.

ezel.
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
day25, no po, no mo.

these past 5 days have all been the same.

I'm having urges frequently, but it's easy to ignore them and control my thought process.

feeling energetic, working out, being productive, waking up early every day, writing my journal every day,

yeah, it's working baby, the reboot is kicking in.

but I must not get ahead of myself and assume that I'm out of this porn rabbit hole, otherwise I will probably do something foolish.

the journey has just begun, I have to be patient.

good things come to those who wait.

just hang in there guys, all the work you are putting in will pay off one day.

all right that's it for today.

peace.

ezel.
 
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Ezel

Well-Known Member
day27 no po, no mo. (yesterday).

I fantasized about some porn scenes I watched the last time I consumed the thing.

and like I always do I just ignored them and let them die on their own.

in the noon, as I was out of the house and walking down a street I witness this gorgeous girl wearing sunglasses walking towards me, as the distance between us gets shorter and shorter, I looked at her eyes but as she was wearing sunglasses I couldn't tell the direction she was looking at...

is she looking at me as I did at her, I don't know, the point isn't this

the point is that I didn't check her body parts as she was walking towards me, I looked into her eyes even though she was wearing some tight sexy clothes on.

or simply I didn't look at her body parts cuz she was looking at me with sunglasses on, she could see me checking her body parts, who knows...

as I would like to think about it, I was in control. I wanted to look at her body parts badly, I'm not going to lie. but I didn't.

that's the whole point of this, you have to tell your brain what to look at and what not to look at. if it's appropriate or not, what to do and what not to do, where you wanna go, and how you wanna get there.

this is who we are and what we are doing from now on, and there is no better way to tell your brain that than acting on it. when you want to check women out badly don't do it and control yourself...

so your brain starts to think, this bastard isn't backing off, he means what he's saying.

then the brain is going to start to adapt to the new situation and his new environment. this is called neuroplasticity.

Plasticity refers to the brain's malleability, which is defined as being "easily influenced, trained, or controlled." Neuro refers to neurons, the nerve cells that are the building blocks of the brain and nervous system. Thus, neuroplasticity is when nerve cells change or adjust.

when you know these facts the reboot will get easier on you.

after the first and second relapses I had, I thought that this porn addiction is like a curse, and I'm cursed for life, I will never break this spell.

but after educating myself on how this addiction works, I now have an idea of what's going on inside my brain and where this is going, and what could turn into.

other than what happened on this day everything is going well.

I'm feeling more energetic than I ever felt before, I could get more things done in my day. I workout every day first thing after I wake up. I could maintain eye contact for longer than I used to...

this is the kind of results I'm witnessing while I'm just 27 days into this reboot, as long as you keep pushing you could experience a whole range of changes happening to you, it's just getting better and better.

but you have to stay cautious and ready for any kind of urges coming your way, cuz to unwire and rewire your brain won't be easy, if it was easy everybody will do it, right??

it's not impossible either, I'm just saying to be mindful of what's going on inside your brain and to be alert, that's all.

educate yourself on this addiction, it's a powerful weapon.

create new habits in your life, consistency is the key, to ingrain a habit inside your brain you have to keep doing it every day even for just 10 minutes a day, better than doing it for 2 hours just to let go of it the next day...

consistent daily action that's how you gonna build habits inside your brain, eventually the brain is going to rewire towards those new useful habits instead of the porn habits that will die in the end as long as you keep away from porn and triggers.

stay on the path no matter what.

peace.

ezel.
 
D

Deleted member 27008

Guest
"good things come to those who wait.
just hang in there guys, all the work you are putting in will pay off one day."


I started the day badly, my friend. I always agree with your words. It's good to remember. I hope one day we will get what we deserve and our struggle in all matters.
I wish you to build a life without pmo..
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day 28, no po, no mo.

Still going strong. Yesterday, on my way back to my house. I saw this guy blocking a girl from passing. He was holding a phone in his hands.

For a moment, I thought the girl was getting robbed by that guy.

But as I kept watching. I saw the girl continue on her way when the guy let her ‌pass. She walked fast. Like she was running from something.

Turns out the phone wasn’t hers, she wasn't getting robbed.

She was getting harassed by the guy.

The guy was handing his phone to the girl, so she could type in her number.

Obviously, the girl didn’t want to. She kept trying to walk away from him.

In the end, the guy gave up and let her pass.

I was walking behind her as she walked away from the guy.

The guy walked the opposite direction.

While I was walking behind her, I understood why the guy wanted her number.

She was smoking hot… with some tight close on, describing her body perfectly.

Even the drivers on the street as they drive past her. they would blast the car horn when they saw her…

When I saw glimpses of her body, I kept walking with my head looking down…

Finally, I turned left, and she went straight down the street…

Later that day, I had some urges. Probably from what I saw earlier.

Porn scene flashbacks. I knew that was coming. But I wasn’t willing to give up.

I had to distract my brain from those thoughts. So I worked on a project to switch the thoughts I was having.

I did some keyword research for a website I was working on. Using a tool, I would type in keywords ideas related to my project. To get their search volume.

And then, a stupid idea struck me like thunder…

I typed porn stars names I used to follow when I watched porn in the search. to see how much monthly volume they get…

It was at least 100,000 for a month, for very specific keywords, it’s crazy. But that’s not the point of telling you this…

The point is, I was playing with fire, and I was about to get burned. But thank god I stopped…

As I typed in different names into the search. My heart was beating so fast, my brain was getting lured in by the second…

This feeling was so familiar. It was the feeling I have had every time before binge-watching porn…

But thank god i snapped out of that sensation, otherwise i would relapse…

I was this close 🤏 to fall off the edge…

It’s a daily struggle TBH, every day I have to make sure to keep clean and stay away from any triggers that will cause me to relapse…

Looking at that girl was a mistake, I shouldn’t have done it…

I can’t afford to start all over again, and throw a whole month of reboot down the toilet…

Ain’t happening, not on my watch…

I don’t want to be that person anymore. i don’t want anything to do with him, and his old habits…

I’m done. No turning back from this point…

I didn’t get through a whole month just to relapse, no way…

I owe it to myself to leave this addiction behind, and reach my highest potential…

And sooner or later i will get there, it’s just a matter of time…

I just have to keep myself away from porn, and then things will fall into place…

That’s it for today, stay hard.

Peace.

ezel.
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day 29, no PO, no mo.

Finally, a whole month passed without relapsing, thank goodness.

It’s the first month of my reboot journey, I just hope someday I will stop counting days and months, and instead consider returning to porn a big no-no for me.

One thing I noticed this last week is I’m getting hornier day by day.

Morning woods every day(60% to 70% hard erections), random erections throughout the day in the weirdest situations, like I would be walking on the street and boom an erection pops up from nowhere, which is very weird…

Fantasizing about girls I know, instead of porn stars or stranger women on the street.

Which I consider good because I already interacted and talked to those girls I fantasized about.

The concept of fantasizing is very vague for me. Some people say it’s good and others say it’s bad.

And there is some truth to every statement. If your whole day was just fantasizing about porn stars in weird situations that don’t happen in real life, then I must say that’s not healthy and you will probably relapse because of it.

If you are fantasizing about women you know and already interacted with, I might consider it to be normal and more healthy than women you don’t know or porn actresses with artificial bodies.

It all depends on the way it affects your reboot, if fantasizing could get you to relapse (be it the healthy one or the bad one), then it’s not good for you in general.

The number one priority for us rebooters that we should put between our eyes 24/7 is not to relapse.

Anything that could cause you to relapse must be put aside, cuz you’re not ready yet. Keep focusing on the main goal, basics first.

Try doing something meaningful that will distract your mind from triggering thoughts and urges.

Anytime you feel your brain is getting stressed or bored do something to relieve the stress, back when I consumed porn, it was the only thing that would get me to relax and chill…

But porn is not real life, you have to relieve the stress using healthy events from real life. go for a walk, go to the gym, work on your business or a project, hang out with friends, watch a movie with no triggering content, listen to podcasts (porn brain rewire by dr. Trish Leigh, consider before consuming, universal man…)...

You figure it out. the possibilities are endless, as long as the activity does not include triggers or porn then you’re good…

Nuf said, stay strong.

Peace.

Ezel.
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day 30, no po, no mo.

After I wrote yesterday’s journal I caught a cold.

With sneezing all the time and water dripping out from my nose like pancake butter, I couldn't do much with my day, so I just kept laying down holding my phone, and chilled.

But I wish I didn’t.

At first, everything was fine, I was listening to dr. Trish Leigh after I finished with her content, I had to listen to something useful, cuz I knew what was coming, I had to keep my brain distracted.

So I listened to David Goggins. After that, I went to youtube and the first thing I saw was a video about increasing penis length, so I clicked and watched it as any man would do.

The urologist on the video explained that the average penile length is about 4.5 inches, so I told myself I’m fine no need to worry about that.

But then she goes that the reason most men aren’t satisfied with their penises length is that they watch porn and get insecure because of it.

Watching porn actors with big penises averaging from 6 inches. No wonder many men aren’t happy with their penises.

What they didn’t know is those actors' penises are so fucked up and they could never get it up without steroids or injecting something into it.

Then at the end of the video, the urologist gave the name of a device that will stretch the penis when you put it through it automatically, and she explained how it works…

With that said I think I will pass, I’m happy with what I got, and just so you know size doesn’t matter. There are many ways to get a woman to orgasm besides penetration (penetration is good for us men to get us to orgasm, lol. but for women, it doesn’t work like that).

After that video, I could feel I got triggered by it, there weren’t any images in it that caused it, but just the thing about penis length was all my brain needed to flood my thinking with urges.

See it’s crazy how one thing could link to another, our brains are just marvelous, but it doesn’t know if it’s good or bad, as long as it’s rewired to it, it will keep doing it no matter the consequences. That’s when you come in to break that cycle and switch it to something useful to benefit you instead of using it in porn…

To get the urges to go away, I decided to close youtube and listen to a podcast instead. So I looked for a podcast that I saw one time but never listened to it. it’s about men and women and how every side sees the other in today’s world, like how dating had become difficult for both parties, and how today's men became so weak they couldn’t approach girls because they are so intimidating, with all the things that are going on with the feminist movement and shit like that…

So after I found the podcast, the first episode I saw was an interview with a veteran porn star. What the hell…

For a moment I thought that she was no longer in the industry, but when I listened it turns out the opposite is what’s true.

This actress is 45yo and she was so cocky. She was like “ yo man, I will fuck anybody in this room, what’s going on man…” I was like “yuck” from her attitude, but I could already feel my penis erecting of what she said…

So I had to pass on that one too and I closed the app…

Later that day, my brain was on fire. Urges were all over my head, even when it was time for bed, I usually put my head on the pillow and I will immediately sleep like a baby, but not this time…

I kept starring at the ceiling for 20 minutes, my phone was just beside me, so I had an idea to reach out to it and watch some porn to relieve the stress, it was my brian’s idea.

But I didn’t fall for it. eventually, I did fall asleep…

Later that night while I was sleeping, something happened that didn’t happen for quite a while, till I started to get worried because of it…

In the middle of the night, I had a wet dream(finally), I felt it coming, it even woke me up, and I tried to stop it, by pressing the muscle between the penis and the ahole…

But it was already ejaculating, so I just gave up and I let it rip, lol…

So This morning I woke with my boxers soaking wet, I took a shower and cleaned myself, the weird thing is I don’t feel the overwhelming urges I felt yesterday after all that happened…

So having that wet dream is what relieved the stress and calmed my brain down…

See after you tell your brain that porn is no longer an option, then it starts looking for other ways to relieve the stress, you just have to be patient and don’t give up…

I’m just glad I had a wet dream after a long time, cuz having them is proof that the reboot is working, and your brain starts to unwire from his old porn habits and musterbation…

Here’s to a new start…

See you tomorrow, and stay strong no matter what, have patience..

peace.

ezel.
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day 31, no po, no mo.

Like always, I experience urges frequently, and they are getting harder and harder to ignore.

I just acknowledge them, and let them fade away on their own, even though I get strong erections when I think about them.

With all that said, I’m not planning on giving up any time soon.

I always knew what relapsing feels like, but what I don’t know is the feeling of breaking out of this porn jail.

I hope someday I will experience it, and I wish the same for all of you out there battling this addiction.

So that’s it for today, see ya tomorrow.

Pece.

Ezel.
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day 32, no po, no mo.

Yesterday, after a whole day of battling urges inside my head, and with so many different things that happened that day, the one thing that stands out the most is when I went to the gym.

I go to the gym 5 days straight a week. A friend of mine told me to take some days off to let my muscles recover. I know how that’s so important. But he doesn’t know of my struggle with porn.

I have to make sure I go that many times. It helps a lot in distracting my brain from urges. The only time urges don’t pop inside my head is when I’m working out hard in the gym. With sweat dripping out of me and my heart is beating fast, there is no chance for urges to appear.

The thing that happened yesterday. is when I went to the gym and as I’m going through the door. Guess who was the first one I saw??

The only hot girl in the entire freaking gym. Standing in the corner with her back towards me doing some kickboxing shit, wearing shorts above her knees showing her legs completely.

Yesterday was the first time in my entire life that I saw a real woman's legs. I'm not talking here about what I saw when I watched porn, in porn you see the whole body of an actress naked. But there is a difference in seeing a woman's legs in real life compared to what I saw in porn.

As soon as my eyes came across those legs I looked away immediately, but let me tell you this, those legs are fine as hell. Maybe it’s because I never saw that view before, or because after a month of reboot I’m getting hornier like never before.

Or maybe it’s a combination of both, who knows??

Anyway, when I looked away from those legs, I was just getting into the gym and I had work to do. So I went to the bodybuilding area where the hot girl wasn’t there (thank god). Imagine if I saw that view on my way leaving the gym, I would probably spend the rest of the day fantasizing about what I saw. Thank god that didn’t happen.

After what I saw I had to work hard at lifting weights, just to forget about it. It was leg day for me, and as you know, training legs is one of the most workouts that gets you sweaty and your heart beats fast.

After that session, I went back home. I didn’t have any urges that night, I was so tired of working out, I was just waiting for dinner to go get some sleep.

But when I woke up this morning, and after doing my workout and praying routine, urges about the hot girl started creeping into my brain.

So that’s the reason I’m writing this journal, and why I said in the first lines that’s the thing that stands out the most. writing down these urges into this document is a great way to empty my mind just for a second, although I know that they might return and start overwhelming my brain.

So what’s the point of writing all this??

I’m getting my sexuality back, that porn took away. Back when I used to watch porn, seeing a pretty girl in the street will not affect me at all, at times I will just ignore her and tell myself that the pornstar I saw earlier that day is way better than her.

Even though what I saw were just pixels on my laptop screen. how pathetic that was. I was like a porn-seeking zombie instead of appreciating the real-life female beauty I see every day on my way to work.

But that was the old me, I’m not that person anymore.

I’m getting my sexuality back after all this time. My penis is hard just thinking about what I saw in the gym, I didn’t know that seeing a woman’s legs could do this for me, just imagine seeing the whole package what could do. My heart might explode lol…

But I have to be careful, I’m not where I want to reach yet. looking at women’s bodies and making it look okay might be the start of the end for my reboot. when I saw those legs, I immediately looked away, cuz I know that my junkie brain will use that against me, even though it’s real-life female beauty, way much better than pixels on a laptop screen.

It’s not appropriate at all to just focus on women’s parts when you go out or when you are at the gym. Women can feel that from you, they feel it if you are just interested in sex or you are interested in them as a whole human being.

Look deeply into her eyes, and love her like a true man. That’s the level I want to reach someday. After that, she will give you the best sex you will ever have…

Peace

Ezel.
 
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