Finally, I'm doing this…

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day 7, no po, no mo (monk mode).

I forgot to mention yesterday that i had a wet dream the night before, which i found a bit weird, i mean the timing of it. Usually, I would get one till the last half of the first month of my streak, but to get one in your first week wasn’t expected…

I don’t even recall the dream i had or if i even had one in the first place. And after I got up from bed I found out what had happened. And regarding the urges and the cravings, they are still asleep, rarely when one of them shows its ugly head, and when they do, i just ignore them and move on…

That’s it for me, I'm out. Stay safe guys and keep pushing forward.

Peace.

Ezel.
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day 8, no po, no mo (monk mode).

another wet dream this morning, just one day after I had my first one on this streak. it's better this way than beating my meat in front of a screen, at least the wet dream is a natural way to do it when the tank is full and your body needs to release. so yeah I'm grateful for it, gotta let nature take its course...

onwards people, and keep pushing, god bless...

peace.

Ezel.
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day 12, no po, no mo (monk mode).

feeling good like I should today, not many urges nor do I want to look at porn even if they pay me a million dollars for it. I'm not selling my soul to the devil, because I know the moment I do it, I will try to get my soul back realizing the big mistake I had made. been there than that.

it isn't worth it guys.

peace.

Ezel.
 
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Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day 15, no po, no mo (monk mode).

yesterday afternoon I was home alone, with that my junkie brain went to action immediately, it tried some tricks on me, and I wasn't falling for it, not even a bit.

and once again when I went to bed, urges crept inside my head, I couldn't sleep till 2 am, they weren't that strong, they were weak...

or maybe they were strong, it's just I became stronger than them, who knows…

But i know that those same urges if they faced the old me, he would fall for them immediately.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, or like my man 50 when he put it beautifully in his great song, and my all-time favorite “many men”:

Sunny days wouldn't be special, if it wasn't for rain
Joy wouldn't feel so good, if it wasn't for pain
Death gotta be easy 'cause life is hard
It'll leave you physically, mentally, and emotionally scarred

Peace.

Ezel.
 

Wolfmother

Member
Sunny days wouldn't be special, if it wasn't for rain
Joy wouldn't feel so good, if it wasn't for pain
Death gotta be easy 'cause life is hard
It'll leave you physically, mentally, and emotionally scarred

That was dope, keep going strong!
 
Day 7, no p, no mo.

I started the second attempt after the first relapse.

Pushing through the third month and surpassing it was the goal in mind.

I won’t bore you with the details of my reboot, it was like the first attempt to reboot, with the same upsides and downsides.

The only difference was, the second attempt was 4 month of no p, no mo. one more month than the first reboot.

And guess what happened after that fourth month…

Yes, you’re right I relapsed for the second time.

It happened the same way as the first one, with no goal in mind to focus on, I put my guard down….

I was so devastated, as if I hadn't learned anything from the first relapse.

I was overthinking and analyzing too much, what if this is my destiny for life, to keep watching porn and mustarbate and eventually kiss the person i want to become goodbye.

I snapped out of it, I went to a dark place for a second, but I got myself back.

It was my junkie brain doing his tricks again, to make me overthink shit and be so stressed out to get his dopamine hit through porn.

But that ain’t happening, I'm sick of this shit, I'm done, I don't want to keep relapsing and all the work I put through go down the toilet, like nothing happened.

At that time i came to this forum, and started reading rebooters stories, to get control over myself again.

And in one of the threads i read, one of the rebooters (i don’t recall his name, but if you’re reading this man, god bless you) mentioned dr trish leigh youtube channel.

And I watched her videos, and every one of them was eye opening, full of insights and analysis of what’s going on inside a porn addict’s brain.

Every time I face urges to relapse, either I come to this forum or go watch dr trigh leigh’s videos just to switch the thoughts going on inside my head.

I even check on her channel every day when I wake up, to stay updated on her new content. And I'm a subscriber to her porn brain rewire podcast as well.

She’s a life saver, and to anyone reading this I encourage you to check her youtube channel. There is no better way to beat this addiction than to get educated about your addiction, and what’s going on inside your brain.

After that discovery of dr trish’s channel, and armed with the knowledge and insights in her videos, i’m now starting the third attempt to quit porn, and i pray to god this will be the last and be porn free for life and never look back.

I hope with the knowledge I learned for her channel and learning from the mistakes I made, I can leave this addiction behind.

So this day is the seventh day in my reboot.

And being aware of my triggers like checking women on the streets, which resulted in urges that cause the first and second relapse, now i no longer check them out on the streets.

If I spot an attractive woman from far away, as she approaches me I no longer look at her, even if I slip up I only look at her face, not at her body parts.

Cuz if i did look at her body parts, my brain will be triggered and will want more of it, to get his dopamine hit that i took from it by abstaining from porn for the seventh day.

And if I escalate in checking women out, eventually i will relapse, cuz i will be overwhelmed with urges to watch porn and mustarbate.

Knowing about your triggers is an important key in battling this addiction. You have to stay away from your triggers, whatever they might be.

Be it insta models, hooties on youtube, actresses on tv, women on the streets…..

These triggers are what are going to open up the floodgates of urges to your brain, and if you’re not strong enough to cope with them, eventually your brain will get you.

Know what triggers you and stay away from it and keep yourself busy. If you can’t keep your brain busy with hobbies and habits that will rewire it towards healthy dopamine levels, it will keep you busy with porn.

Guys we can do this, stay strong no matter what, this is your life that we’re talking about you only live it once, by leaving this filth you will be the best you can be and achieve more than you are capable of, you just have to believe and work on yourself.

See ya, stay hard.

Ezel.
Ezel, I know you've posted it some time ago, but I'm new in here and am just reading it now.

I liked very much reading your story and can relate to a lot of the things you said. I also enjoyed your recommendations of nofap content and will check them out. This kind of thing has been one of the best benefits I had joining this forum só far, and it's been of great help.
I also liked very much your description of your conversation with your own brain hahahah, it was awesome, even though it turned out bad, your description was creative.

Man, I just want to say that every bad situation in life has a way to hapiness. Forget about the past, keep focusing on the good side and working towards a better future, have faith, and things will be good.

You are strong. We are together on this, bro.

Stay clean.
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Thanks Bruno, i appreciate it man. I'm glad you learned a thing or two from that, i read them too sometimes to see how long I have come, and to learn where I messed up.

I myself read your thread and I can see that even though you are new here, you have wisdom and knowledge about what we all are dealing with. I'm no psychic but I can feel that you will get over this addiction, it's just a matter of time for you man.

Keep fighting man, God bless...
 
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