Finally, I'm doing this…

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day 39, no po, no mo (monk mode).

Good news and bad news…

Let’s start with the bad news, i relap (just kidding, just kidding). Well, I quit my job, my second job this year, tbh I don't feel bad about it, after all, it was just a shitty job I got to get by and to make ends meet. It turns out this wasn’t what I intended my life to look like, working a job with minimum wage and a lot of labor, and in a stressful environment.

This is when I had to stop and see where my life is headed, and you know what they say when you are not satisfied with your current job, it’s time to go back to college. And that is the good news about all of this..

After 3 years of dropping out of college, here I am going back to it. No wonder i always work shitty jobs cuz I didn’t go through college to get my degree, and instead i ended up working them cuz i only have my high school diploma. This is when the lightbulb moment happened for me, and i decided to go back to school, even though I’m 24 yo now, and i will try not to think that i’m old when i go back to college, even though in the first semester, i will have a lot of classmates ages of 18 and 19 years old.

But i really don’t care that much, cuz what i have is experience, that they don’t have, cuz i been there and done that, i will avoid all the mistakes i had done when i was a freshman in my first year of college 6 years ago, there was a lot of mistakes i made back then, and i think the root of them all, was my porn addiction.

At that time, I was a heavy porn user, and you know that the semesters go by in the blink of an eye, so a lot of stress is involved (exams and studying…), and my only stress reliever was porn of course…

This explains why I had problems studying and maintaining my focus, and eventually didn’t pass my exams. I even recall when I had exams the next day, so I'm supposed to study like everybody else, right?? Well, I didn't, and instead, I was watching porn right before the night I had an exam.

Crazy, in it?? Just to give you an idea of what this addiction can do to you, my brain back then was looking for instant gratification and was not going to wait till i pass my exams and get my dopamine hit from the success i had by passing those exams(delayed gratification), i was very compulsive and my brain wanted his dopamine hit immediately, it was really fucked up..

And after 3 years of college, i left with no degree at all to show for it, i convinced myself in a way that i was dumb, but what was really going on through those 3 years is i was consuming porn like hotcakes. This wasn’t the case before porn. In my early teens I was a smart kid, always one of the top 5 of my class, and after porn I hardly knew the person I was looking into in the mirror…

But that's from the past, there is nothing we can do about it except learning and not repeating those same mistakes. With this another chapter begins in my life, I hope this step will lead me to a great and brighter future, and eventually achieving what I want to in my life…

Sorry for the long post, this is the only place where I can pour my thoughts and emotions without the fear of being judged, so thank you all.

That’s it for me, stay safe and keep pushing guys, may god bless you all.

Peace.

Ezel.
 

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
I think you’re doing a great thing for yourself going back to school. I don’t care if anyone’s working a minimum wage job, but if you’re unhappy it’s time to make a change. Don’t think you’re too old, at 24 you’ve got most of your life ahead of you still. It wouldn’t be strange even for a guy 10 years older than you to go back to school.

Well done on 40 days!!
 

SimonM

Active Member
I went back to school with younger classmates too at one point. It was actually very nice. I saw that I had gained perspective in the "real" world that really helped me. I was able to focus more on the fun of learning rather than worrying about my test scores - realizing that they matter less than I thought when I was 19 :) Maybe for you it will be something else but I can guarantee that you can bring something valuable to your college adventure, being a bit older. Nothing at all to be feeling insecure about! Best of luck with it all @Ezel !
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Ezel, I'm so happy for you! This is great news. :)

I think you're going to kill it, because when you're off of porn, you have so much more time to get shit done. This will be an amazing experience for you. I definitely wouldn't worry about "being too old" to go back, I'm almost forty and no one cares, so age doesn't really matter. @SimonM is correct, since you've been in the "real world" for a while, you'll bring a lot of that experience into your studies, which your fellow classmates will not have. Also, you probably know what you want to do more than they will, so that's going to help you as well.

Best brother!
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Day 42, no po, no mo (monk mode).

Although I’m fasting today, i woke up this morning with a full morning wood and a desire to fap like no other, as i was laying down on my bed i had these flashbacks of softporn, the one you see on platforms like tik tok and yt, and soon after porn flashbacks started coming in.

I wasn’t willing to fap or watch porn, nor do I ever intend to give in to those cravings and urges. It’s not like as I'm fasting I would give in to them, cuz doing it will break my fasting, i am not only fasting from food but from sex also, but where is sex in all of this, well there isn’t any, but any kind of sexual energy release, be it through sex or through masturbation and porn will break the fasting, so there you go…

Except that, everything is going well, that’s it for me today, have a good one guys.

Peace.

Ezel.
 
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