Finally, I'm doing this…
- Thread starter Ezel
- Start date
Ezel
Respected Member
Day 84, no po, no mo(hardmode).
I played with fire yesterday like never before.
I don’t know why this is happening but I can hardly find any motivation to do anything.
Actually, I don't do anything with my day that’s worth mentioning.
Is it some withdrawal symptom or am I just lazy?
My brain can’t find joy in anything meaningful I like to do or plan to do.
Just after minutes of doing something, I would feel a terrible headache and stress rushing through my head and close the laptop or leave the task and go watch youtube or go do something that’s not useful.
Which brings me to yesterday when I let my guard down.
Yesterday night I was on my phone with no one around, watching some soft white underbelly interviews, featuring some drug addicts and how drugs messed up their lives.
And all of a sudden urges started occupying my head with past porn scenes and twerking and dancing videos. I was so weak I couldn't resist, actually I tried and fought but in the end, I gave in.
I’m not going to lie, I watched twerking videos one after another, that’s how it started.
My heart was beating so fast, my penis was rock hard, the typical signs that come before a relapse.
I wanted to relapse so bad that I searched one of my favorite porn stars on youtube, but nothing sexual came up, just some interviews with her.
Then I thought about this journal and the fact that I’m going to break the streak of 80+ days and start all over again.
It’s the only thing that kept me from relapsing yesterday, if it wasn’t for this journal I would be binge-watching porn right now like a 13-year-old boy.
After all the fighting that was going on inside my head, I finally came back to my senses, and closed youtube and watched an anime instead, I didn’t finish the episode I was so tired and frustrated I just put my phone down and slept like a baby.
What started this in the first place is the fact that I don’t do anything with my day that could benefit me and learn from.
This last month I became so lazy, is it a withdrawal symptom? I don’t know, I just want it to hurry up and do what it's got to do and leave my brain. Is it because of Ramadan? I highly doubt it, because Fasting during Ramadan can have positive effects on one's physical and mental wellbeing. This can include weight loss, improvements to metabolic markers, potential improvements to hepatic health, and reductions in feelings of stress and anxiety.
Ramadan was one of the things (with journaling) that kept me from relapsing yesterday, even though I finished yesterday’s fasting at sunset, that doesn’t mean that Ramadan is over, it’s a month-long religious practice.
I’m glad it happened because it showed me how counterfeit I am, it’s not okay to watch porn in Ramadan but it’s okay to watch women twerk. This thought is what helped me yesterday in putting the phone down before it’s too late.
Man, I have to do better than this.
With 6 days left to complete the 90 days of no PMO challenge, I have to be strong and push through it.
It doesn’t mean after I complete the 3 months challenge that I'm cured for good, in fact this is where I have to be cautious the most.
Because if I learned anything from my ex-attempts to quit porn is I always relapse after 4 months or 3 months of the reboot.
So the real challenge for me is not going to the top it’s staying at the top, which means I can abstain from porn but how much can I keep it up and leave it once and for all?
That’s the real question? And the only person that can answer it is me of course, with time I will tell…
We got this fellas, and be strong.
Peace.
Ezel.
I played with fire yesterday like never before.
I don’t know why this is happening but I can hardly find any motivation to do anything.
Actually, I don't do anything with my day that’s worth mentioning.
Is it some withdrawal symptom or am I just lazy?
My brain can’t find joy in anything meaningful I like to do or plan to do.
Just after minutes of doing something, I would feel a terrible headache and stress rushing through my head and close the laptop or leave the task and go watch youtube or go do something that’s not useful.
Which brings me to yesterday when I let my guard down.
Yesterday night I was on my phone with no one around, watching some soft white underbelly interviews, featuring some drug addicts and how drugs messed up their lives.
And all of a sudden urges started occupying my head with past porn scenes and twerking and dancing videos. I was so weak I couldn't resist, actually I tried and fought but in the end, I gave in.
I’m not going to lie, I watched twerking videos one after another, that’s how it started.
My heart was beating so fast, my penis was rock hard, the typical signs that come before a relapse.
I wanted to relapse so bad that I searched one of my favorite porn stars on youtube, but nothing sexual came up, just some interviews with her.
Then I thought about this journal and the fact that I’m going to break the streak of 80+ days and start all over again.
It’s the only thing that kept me from relapsing yesterday, if it wasn’t for this journal I would be binge-watching porn right now like a 13-year-old boy.
After all the fighting that was going on inside my head, I finally came back to my senses, and closed youtube and watched an anime instead, I didn’t finish the episode I was so tired and frustrated I just put my phone down and slept like a baby.
What started this in the first place is the fact that I don’t do anything with my day that could benefit me and learn from.
This last month I became so lazy, is it a withdrawal symptom? I don’t know, I just want it to hurry up and do what it's got to do and leave my brain. Is it because of Ramadan? I highly doubt it, because Fasting during Ramadan can have positive effects on one's physical and mental wellbeing. This can include weight loss, improvements to metabolic markers, potential improvements to hepatic health, and reductions in feelings of stress and anxiety.
Ramadan was one of the things (with journaling) that kept me from relapsing yesterday, even though I finished yesterday’s fasting at sunset, that doesn’t mean that Ramadan is over, it’s a month-long religious practice.
I’m glad it happened because it showed me how counterfeit I am, it’s not okay to watch porn in Ramadan but it’s okay to watch women twerk. This thought is what helped me yesterday in putting the phone down before it’s too late.
Man, I have to do better than this.
With 6 days left to complete the 90 days of no PMO challenge, I have to be strong and push through it.
It doesn’t mean after I complete the 3 months challenge that I'm cured for good, in fact this is where I have to be cautious the most.
Because if I learned anything from my ex-attempts to quit porn is I always relapse after 4 months or 3 months of the reboot.
So the real challenge for me is not going to the top it’s staying at the top, which means I can abstain from porn but how much can I keep it up and leave it once and for all?
That’s the real question? And the only person that can answer it is me of course, with time I will tell…
We got this fellas, and be strong.
Peace.
Ezel.
Ezel
Respected Member
Day 85, no po, no mo(hardmode).
yesterday‘s urges were manageable, although I was overwhelmed by them.
They kept popping up inside my head like crazy(past porn scenes, fantasies…).
With only 5 days left I’m not backing off.
I hope I will not lose my enthusiasm when I complete this 90-day challenge and keep going as far as I can.
Peace.
Ezel.
yesterday‘s urges were manageable, although I was overwhelmed by them.
They kept popping up inside my head like crazy(past porn scenes, fantasies…).
With only 5 days left I’m not backing off.
I hope I will not lose my enthusiasm when I complete this 90-day challenge and keep going as far as I can.
Peace.
Ezel.
Ezel
Respected Member
Day 86, no po, no mo(hardmode).
I woke up this morning because of a wet dream.
The ejaculation was so hard it woke me up, lol…
I tried to stop it at first by pressing the muscle below the penis, but it was too late, so I just gave in and let it rip…
It’s better to ejaculate to a wet dream than to porn, after all, it’s a healthy way for the body to release.
I think it’s been more than 2 weeks since I had one, and I started to panic about why it took so long. But good things come to those who wait, and I wasn't disappointed.
I needed it tbh, this third month has been tough on me.
With urges going through my brain day in and day out. I needed this wet dream to kind of release the stress and anxiety I was having(not to forget the sperms as well).
Stay strong and keep pushing kings.
Peace.
Ezel.
I woke up this morning because of a wet dream.
The ejaculation was so hard it woke me up, lol…
I tried to stop it at first by pressing the muscle below the penis, but it was too late, so I just gave in and let it rip…
It’s better to ejaculate to a wet dream than to porn, after all, it’s a healthy way for the body to release.
I think it’s been more than 2 weeks since I had one, and I started to panic about why it took so long. But good things come to those who wait, and I wasn't disappointed.
I needed it tbh, this third month has been tough on me.
With urges going through my brain day in and day out. I needed this wet dream to kind of release the stress and anxiety I was having(not to forget the sperms as well).
Stay strong and keep pushing kings.
Peace.
Ezel.
Ezel
Respected Member
Day 89, no po, no mo(hardmode).
Man, man, man, only one day left to hit the 90 days no PMO mark.
I have to be careful though, the real challenge is going to start after these 90 days.
At this stage, for me, it’s not a big deal to cut off porn, it’s for how long can I be clean from it, and hopefully one day it will no longer be on my radar anymore.
As for the urges I still get them, they can be overwhelming sometimes. Just like yesterday in the middle of the prayer, they kept showing up in my brain. I couldn't concentrate on what I was doing or reciting, tbh it was so annoying.
All I had to do was ignore them til they fade away and not act on them. After all, I was in the middle of a mosque. It kind of helped to be there while I had those strong urges.
Stay strong kings.
No looking back.
Peace.
Ezel.
Man, man, man, only one day left to hit the 90 days no PMO mark.
I have to be careful though, the real challenge is going to start after these 90 days.
At this stage, for me, it’s not a big deal to cut off porn, it’s for how long can I be clean from it, and hopefully one day it will no longer be on my radar anymore.
As for the urges I still get them, they can be overwhelming sometimes. Just like yesterday in the middle of the prayer, they kept showing up in my brain. I couldn't concentrate on what I was doing or reciting, tbh it was so annoying.
All I had to do was ignore them til they fade away and not act on them. After all, I was in the middle of a mosque. It kind of helped to be there while I had those strong urges.
Stay strong kings.
No looking back.
Peace.
Ezel.
Ezel
Respected Member
Thanks Blondie for your support, we are in this together.
All the best for you as well brother.
Ezel
Respected Member
Day 90, no po, no mo(hardmode).
Finally, 3 months of reboot have been completed. It was a tough ride, with so many challenges, but the important thing is I'm still here with a record of 90 days of no PMO intact.
This wouldn’t be possible without the awesome RN community. and all the support I got from all the members (shout out to @Blondie), and the habit of daily journaling to keep track of my progress.
What’s so funny about this is that just this morning when I woke up I realized I had a wet dream (talk about timing). It's like my body celebrated with me these 3 months of reboot by giving me a wet dream, how cool is that? Lol…
Here’s to another 90 days of no PMO, and it starts tomorrow…
We got this guys, no turning back.
Onwards.
Peace.
Ezel.
Finally, 3 months of reboot have been completed. It was a tough ride, with so many challenges, but the important thing is I'm still here with a record of 90 days of no PMO intact.
This wouldn’t be possible without the awesome RN community. and all the support I got from all the members (shout out to @Blondie), and the habit of daily journaling to keep track of my progress.
What’s so funny about this is that just this morning when I woke up I realized I had a wet dream (talk about timing). It's like my body celebrated with me these 3 months of reboot by giving me a wet dream, how cool is that? Lol…
Here’s to another 90 days of no PMO, and it starts tomorrow…
We got this guys, no turning back.
Onwards.
Peace.
Ezel.
particularly_respecting
Active Member
Ezel
Respected Member
Thanks particulary_respecting. Good luck for you as well.
Burn the boats, go all in, no plan B.
Last edited:
Ezel
Respected Member
thanks man, i wish the best for you as well.