Finally, I'm doing this…

Ezel

Active Member
Day 94, no po, no mo(hardmode).

Like dr.dre said, Still the beats bang, still doing my thang.

And I’m not planning on giving up anytime soon, although yesterday was a bit different, I pulled it off.

Yesterday night I went to bed at 12 am, but I couldn't sleep till 4:30 am, my brain was all over the place.

I had fantasies of all different sizes and shapes, I thought about relapsing millions of times.

I had my phone in my hand as I scrolled youtube’s feed, my brain was dying to see some triggering content to get me off the edge, thank god it didn’t happen.

Another reason why I didn't give in is that I’m fasting, although Ramadan now is over I can fast another 6 days after Ramadan, there are a lot of occasions to fast besides Ramadan.

Fasting helps me a lot to control my urges cuz they get weakened because of it, they can be easily ignored and overlooked.

Onwards.

Stay safe fellas, and keep fighting.

Peace.

Ezel.
 

Blondie

Well-Known Member
You're right about fasting. I've done that as well in the past, and it does show you that if you can do that (neglect the most basic survival need) you can mentally do anything!

Nice work Ezel
 

Ezel

Active Member
Day 98, no po, no mo(hardmode).

So far so good. I still get urges and fantasies from time to time but choose not to act on them.

It’s my sixth day fasting after Ramadan and my last day. I'm going to take a break for 2 days and fast again on Thursday. I will try to get fasting into my routine and hopefully make it a habit to fast 2 days/week.

2 days ago I did something I'm not really proud of…

In a moment of weakness as I was scrolling youtube at night while I was in my bed, I got overwhelmed by urges and watched a bunch of twerking videos for about 30 minutes straight…

At the end of that 30 min session I snapped out of it, thank god it didn’t escalate to porn, actually I got out of that current of thoughts just before the moment i thought about watching porn and let it rip…

What’s so weird about that 30 minutes session is my penis wasn’t really that hard, it was like 50% hard. Which means that the content i watched didn’t affect me 100% only 50%, in other words my brain is rewiring or at least it’s on its way to rewire…

This doesn’t mean it was okay to watch those videos, it’s not. If i had not gotten out of that state i was in while i watched, god forbid i would probably binge watch porn and make up for all that time i stayed away from this filth…

I’m glad I didn't go that way. See that’s why i liked monk mode so much, although it was so freaking hard but at least i didn’t seek to watch triggering content whenever it popped up on youtube or check women out when i’m out. It’s not like while I'm on hard mode right now that I see whatever I like and check whoever I want. I still resist but it’s not enough and the proof was what happened 2 days ago, thank god it didn’t get ugly…

I have to get back to monk mode asap, because for me personally that’s the way out of this rabbit hole…

But talk is cheap, only work and time will tell how that will turn out…

Stay safe and away from porn fellas…

Peace.

Ezel.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Good job, Ezel, on stopping that before it regressed to P...

When the days abstaining start adding up, and even going into tripple-digit territory, it's easy to start getting complacent. Monk mode is a good idea, but rethink your approach to Youtube so it doesn't trip you up.

You're doing awesome, brother!
 
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Blondie

Well-Known Member
Nice job staying strong Ezel and not running towards porn after indulging in porn substitutes. Porn subs are a sign you should run, and run like you've never run before! Good job turning that nonsense off.

As you said, monk mode might be the answer at the moment.
 

Ezel

Active Member
@Blondie @Phineas 808 thank you guys for your kind words and for your support.
Porn is really a pain in the butt, a lot of guys think that after 90 days of no pmo you can then ride off into the sunset and kiss porn goodbye.
But soon after that 90 days they relapse and face the hard truth that leaving porn is not that simple.I was one of those guys. Actually I did it two times and it always ended the same way by going Back into porn's arms.
Don't get me wrong, like I said leaving porn behind isn't easy, but it isn't impossible either. Just look at the guys that made it happen (@Gabe Deem , Noah church and many more..).
It doesn't get easier guys, we just get stronger and get through it...
That's the way out...
 
Stay safe and away from porn fellas…

Also, stay away from the substitutes! If you're watching twerking videos and other stuff you think is "not so bad" that's walking on thin ice. Turn off your phone in the evening and keep it off until the next morning. Monk mode!
 

Ezel

Active Member
Day 99, no po, no mo(monk-mode).

@TryingHarder you are absolutely right. I never thought of it that way.

Nowadays Porn substitutes are everywhere you look, which makes it even harder to abstain and keep your distance from porn. But it doesn’t justify looking at them.

It’s our choice to look or not to look. I can’t control all the triggering content that’s out there but at least I can make a clear decision whether I want to look at it or not…

It really depends on how strong your willpower is …

That’s why I have to give monk mode a shot, and it starts today…

Peace.

ezel.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
@Blondie @Phineas 808 thank you guys for your kind words and for your support.
Porn is really a pain in the butt, a lot of guys think that after 90 days of no pmo you can then ride off into the sunset and kiss porn goodbye.
But soon after that 90 days they relapse and face the hard truth that leaving porn is not that simple.I was one of those guys. Actually I did it two times and it always ended the same way by going Back into porn's arms.
Don't get me wrong, like I said leaving porn behind isn't easy, but it isn't impossible either. Just look at the guys that made it happen (@Gabe Deem , Noah church and many more..).
It doesn't get easier guys, we just get stronger and get through it...
That's the way out...
That's absolutely right, man. It never gets easier. The withdrawal is as hard every time, especially after binges. This is a "Relapse-Withdrawal-Relapse" closed cycle. The withdrawal involves urges and whatever else. It's difficult. But the only way to break the cycle is to stay in the withdrawal phase all day way to the end. 100 days is amazing progress, keep it up.
 

Ezel

Active Member
Day 100, no po, no mo(monk-mode).

It’s my second day into monk mode and man, the first day was tough…

But i didn’t screw it up, whenever i saw some triggers i looked away, it seems like the whole universe was conspiring against me yesterday, lol.

While i was on my phone watching youtube, triggering content showed up from nowhere even though i didn’t look it up, but i looked away and didn’t watch it, then another one, then another more…

I became frustrated and closed the app and put my phone down to watch some tv. thinking to myself it's way safer than my phone, but who am i kidding…

Triggers all over the place. It’s like Liam “triggers” Neeson from taken was chasing me and telling me “ what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career, skills that make me a nightmare for people like you(rebooters). If you watch those triggers now and do as I say, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you. I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will make you relapse”.

And I was like “good luck with that homie”...

But that was not the end of it…

Just moments ago before writing this journal, I was out and noticed this busty girl from a distance walking towards me, I immediately looked away and went on with my business…

If I'm really serious about quitting and getting clean from this addiction, this is gonna be the proper way to do it…

This isn’t my first go at monk mode it’s my second one, i tried it first when i started the reboot and i was doing very good, but with time i got sloppy and put my guard down then i switched to hard mode (no sex, no po, no mo) so i can check women out and watch triggers.

Doing that is like playing with fire, soon you will get burned.

And I got burned many times, thank god it didn’t escalate to porn.

Monk mode is lit. It's a hardmode of hardmode basically. And the best (and maybe quickest) way to reboot.

As I understand it it's basically avoiding anything artificial. So no social media(check), youtube(i have to work on this one), netflix(check), tv(no check, but that’s an easy one to pull off), no fantasizing(i have to work on it) etc. Don't look at a girls 'features' when you're out(i’m working on it). (Adopt a NoArousal approach) This one is huge.

If you're up for it it provides great results.

But talk is cheap.

Alright, nouf said, stay safe guys…

Peace.

Ezel.
 
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