Finally, I'm doing this…

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Sorry for that, Ezel! Don't focus on it too much, except to learn whatever lessons you can from it. List off (for yourself) the reasons for the lapse, then modify your plan in a way that will help you going forward.

You've got heart, man- and your signature proves it! 'Go all in' as you say, but don't 'white-knuckle' it, learn how to relax into your abstinence. Have you ever heard the term 'dry-drunk'? That's what white-knuckling is.

You got this, brother, we're standing with you.
 

Blondie

Well-Known Member
I'm sorry to hear that brother. But you have to know deep down inside that it doesn't stop any progress you've made. You just accomplished an amazing feat,100 days without porn is a fantastic beginning. All you can do is pick yourself back up and get moving again. I know it sucks, I really do, but learn what made you relapse and go on from there. Analyze it, and grow from it.

Were you horney? Did you see something that triggered you? Were you tired? Whatever it is, ask yourself these questions and grow from them.

At the end of the day, there's only two things you can do, sit on the ground and throw yourself a pity party, or get back up and get moving again. I know it might look like my streak currently is amazing, blah blah blah, however, I'm just getting things figured out, but if you could only see all the fuck ups I've had before starting here at RN, you would understand my journey fully, with all its ups and its many many downs.

You got this man, you really do. Pat yourself on the back and get back up.

Best

Blondie
 

Ezel

Active Member
How you doing Ezel?
you just saved my life man. you know what, after the relapse, I said to myself to take a break from the reboot for a week and binge-watch porn instead.

and here you are, writing this to check on me.

if it weren't for you probably I will go on with what my dopamine demon said, because I was so shocked that this happened, I couldn't believe it, I thought it was just a bad dream...

alright look, what happened did happen, it's now from the past, all I have now is this present moment, there is no benefit in weeping over what happened, and the right thing to do is learn from it and move on...

thanks @Blondie, you're a good man...
 

Ezel

Active Member
Sorry for that, Ezel! Don't focus on it too much, except to learn whatever lessons you can from it. List off (for yourself) the reasons for the lapse, then modify your plan in a way that will help you going forward.

You've got heart, man- and your signature proves it! 'Go all in' as you say, but don't 'white-knuckle' it, learn how to relax into your abstinence. Have you ever heard the term 'dry-drunk'? That's what white-knuckling is.

You got this, brother, we're standing with you.
@Phineas 808 you are right man, i was so hardcore committed that it backfired on me, I need to relax and breathe, and take a step back to see the full picture of why did this happen...
 

Ezel

Active Member
I'm sorry to hear that brother. But you have to know deep down inside that it doesn't stop any progress you've made. You just accomplished an amazing feat,100 days without porn is a fantastic beginning. All you can do is pick yourself back up and get moving again. I know it sucks, I really do, but learn what made you relapse and go on from there. Analyze it, and grow from it.

Were you horney? Did you see something that triggered you? Were you tired? Whatever it is, ask yourself these questions and grow from them.

At the end of the day, there's only two things you can do, sit on the ground and throw yourself a pity party, or get back up and get moving again. I know it might look like my streak currently is amazing, blah blah blah, however, I'm just getting things figured out, but if you could only see all the fuck ups I've had before starting here at RN, you would understand my journey fully, with all its ups and its many many downs.

You got this man, you really do. Pat yourself on the back and get back up.

Best

Blondie
well said partner, and i was in all of the states at the same time that you wrote(horny, triggered, tired).

now that I'm looking into it, the twerking videos that I saw 3 days ago are what came back to bite me in the a...

man, you never know what your brain can use against you, just when things started looking up and then this happened. but i have to stay positive and don't let it get into my head and focus on what can i do to never let it happen again...
 

Blondie

Well-Known Member
It's my pleasure man. You always post about the same time everyday, so I knew something was up :). I also knew, because I've been there more times than I would like to admit. If you think you're feeling bad now, just imagine watching it for a whole week then trying to stop again, you would feel much worse.

Glad to see you're back in the game. Remember, even if you are porn-free 3 sets of 90 days each for the next three quarters, you still would have only watched porn 4 days over the course of a year!! That would a be gigantic improvement of where you were last year. Yes long steaks are great, and yes, every time we start, we should be aiming to never do it again. However, if we fail, we should remember to see the big picture, we are still making progress.

Glad to see you back Ezel

Blondie
 
after the relapse, I said to myself to take a break from the reboot for a week and binge-watch porn instead.
Don't do it, man! Been there, done that. The twisted idea is that you might as well, and I'll give this up later. Get back on the right track, monk mode, whatever it takes. Like Blondie says, you're making progress.
 
Sorry to hear about the relapse brother - but your progress has been inspiring to read and as others have said - one slip definitely does not undo it
This is a good and supportive community - everyone is wishing for your success
Stay strong! 💪
 

Ezel

Active Member
Day 1, no po, no mo (monk mode). Here I go again…

First of all, I want to thank you guys for your support @Blondie @Phineas 808 @TryingHarder @particularly_respecting. Without you guys and without this awesome community I don't know where I will end up. actually, i know where, back to porn’s arm.

Long story short, yesterday I paid a visit to the porn land, and I wish I didn't, but it did happen, there is no way around it, so I’m starting the reboot again after I broke the streak of 100 days no po, no mo.

Turns out the relapse was because of some trigger videos i saw on youtube 4 days ago, it came back to haunt me like a mad dog.

First, it started by checking those videos one more time. I was so triggered and horny and tired, one thing led to another, and then (boom bam bop para pap boom pow) I relapsed.


I was so angry, devastated, broken, sad, depressed, stressed, all the negative feelings that a human being might go through, i had them all at the same time, i just couldn’t believe it, then i realized i had to update my journal like i do every day, but now instead of adding another day of no po, no mo, i have to start from square one all over again.

That’s when my junkie-brain creeps in telling me…

Haha, what a loser, you are no longer a big shot, what are you going to tell them, ha. you always pound your chest that you are this and that, turns out you are full of shit, look at you, you will never leave porn behind, you are doomed, you are cursed by porn, you are in it for life.
You should delete that account, that’s the way that no one will ever know that you relapsed, and no one will laugh at you and you can keep your head up.
Meanwhile, how about we check more of the porn stars that you like and see if they have uploaded new content, long time no see, welcome back home buddy…

Just to give you an idea of that inner voice that speaks to me, sometimes it gets worse than this…

After that monologue, out of curiosity, I checked the forum just to see how everybody was doing, and then I saw the man, the only @Blondie who wrote in my journal to see how I am doing, and then I updated my journal and wrote that I relapsed…

And here I am starting another reboot. Honestly, this reboot wouldn’t be possible without all the encouragement and support I got from all of you guys, so thank you very much…

I’m going to go monk mode on this one. I know it’s going to be freaking hard, but hard mode isn’t working for me, you just saw what happened.

Wish me luck guys, and keep going no matter what. After the relapse, I felt like shit like never before, porn isn’t worth it.

Peace.

Ezel.
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
Get right back on that horse. You haven't undone all of your good work from your streak. But every time you relapse you're making it harder to distance yourself from the old habits, there's a lot more damage that you will do in a binge than in a single relapse.

You can do it mate!

Also, cut out those porn substitutes completely. It might feel like they're not as bad because they're not "proper porn" but they activate the same neural pathways that the reboot is trying to starve.

Wishing you the best and nothing but support
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Phineas 808 you are right man, i was so hardcore committed that it backfired on me, I need to relax and breathe, and take a step back to see the full picture of why did this happen...

Commitment is good, needed, but it's not that you're so tightly wound up trying NOT to do something- instead (if I can suggest), think of it this way: your default is that you're a man who does not use porn. That's who you are- doesn't matter about yesterday, or even a moment of weakness, you're a man who does not use porn.

Just relax into who you are, live your life, and don't think about it. Sure- "monk mode"- don't put yourself in situations that will cause you to stumble, but reverse the mentality. You're NOT a porn user trying not to be one, rather you're a person who is clean, who doesn't use that stuff, and being careful to not put yourself in compromising situations. That's it.

Enjoy your freedom.
 

Ezel

Active Member
Commitment is good, needed, but it's not that you're so tightly wound up trying NOT to do something- instead (if I can suggest), think of it this way: your default is that you're a man who does not use porn. That's who you are- doesn't matter about yesterday, or even a moment of weakness, you're a man who does not use porn.

Just relax into who you are, live your life, and don't think about it. Sure- "monk mode"- don't put yourself in situations that will cause you to stumble, but reverse the mentality. You're NOT a porn user trying not to be one, rather you're a person who is clean, who doesn't use that stuff, and being careful to not put yourself in compromising situations. That's it.

Enjoy your freedom.
Well said, I like your perspective on this one, thanks Phineas.
 

Ezel

Active Member
Day 2, no po, no mo (monk mode).

in my last attempts to quit. Usually, I would binge-watch porn for at least a week before getting back into reboot again.

I would justify it to myself that it’s okay to watch to kind of make up for the time that I abstained from porn, but after that binge-watching for a week it only got worse.

But this time it’s different, after my last relapse, and thanks to the awesome supportive men in this awesome community, I got back into reboot just after the next day I relapsed.

i still regret what i did, and i feel shameful because of it, cuz it wasn’t worth it at all, cuz after that 1 hour of watching porn all was left was disgust and sorrow…

I just hope these feelings won’t take over my head, because just last night while I was in my bed they tried to take over by making me question what’s the point of all this and why I'm taking the reboot too seriously. But I didn't give in to that bullshyt. If I really want to take control of my life, leaving porn is going to be the first step I'm going to take.

There isn’t another way, I just can’t find a scenario where porn and my best version go together hand in hand, i just can’t find it. It’s like oil and water they could never mix.

But talk is cheap…

Stay safe guys.

Peace.

Ezel.
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
Great that you're back at it Ezel. And I agree with Phineas, it can be powerful to redefine your identity and porn just doesn't fit with who you are anymore.

I keep saying to myself when I get an urge "that's not who I am anymore", "I don't do that anymore".

Great stuff mate!
 
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