Finally, I'm doing this…

Ezel

Active Member
Have a good day bro. You got this.
I hope you are doing well @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11, this should be your second day, keep it up...
Great that you're back at it Ezel. And I agree with Phineas, it can be powerful to redefine your identity and porn just doesn't fit with who you are anymore.

I keep saying to myself when I get an urge "that's not who I am anymore", "I don't do that anymore".

Great stuff mate!
Thanks cookie monster, I appreciate you.
 
You went 100 days no PMO, and that is a significant achievement. With a long addiction, relapses happen, but they will become more infrequent.

Just to give you an idea of that inner voice that speaks to me

Ah yes, the inner voice! :LOL: I have a great inner voice, maybe similar to yours.

Hey, I should get some junk food, I had a bad day at work...
No dice, fatso. Potato chips won't solve your problems, dumb ass!
Mmmm, I think I want to look at porn...
Forget it, you zero. Those girls ain't your friends, and you're just a doofus jerking off in front of his computer.

Of course, other people's inner voices may be more gentle. But mine works for me. ;)
 

Recovery Will Come

Active Member
Keep it up man… The way you bounce back from a relapse is key!! Been there before it’s the worst… Took me 5 years to bounce back to a reboot but keep trucking you got this!!!! I’m in week 2 myself.. We gonna beat this addiction together.. Stay motivated, self disciplined, and focused is my best advice
 
Day 6, no p, no mo (third attempt to quit porn)

I made it to the third month in my first attempt to leave porn behind.

The second month was the most difficult one of those months.

But I made it through the third month without relapsing. I knew I had to have patience to complete the 90 days challenge with only one month left.

And with that the mission was successful.

But man, I was wrong.

This is where it all went down for me.

I had put my guard down.

I forget the enemy I was fighting, which is my junkie brain.

I don’t know why I thought that I cured myself after that 90 days challenge, but my brain convinced me with that one.

As soon as I achieved the goal, I had no more goal in mind to focus on.

And my brain used that against me.

It went like this:

  • HIM: You are a champ, good for you man.
  • ME: I know i made it, isn’t that great.
  • HIM: Those 90 days were tough on both of us.
  • ME: yes you're right but it was worth it.
  • HIM: So now what??!
  • ME: I don't know, dear brain…
  • HIM: It was a hell of a ride for you, I never thought you would make it, you’re a badass, we should celebrate …
  • ME: What do you have in mind??
  • HIM: before we celebrate, first we have to see if you heald yourself from pe
  • ME: hmmm
  • HIM: Wait, listen to me, this 90 days won’t be worth it if you hadn’t healed that pe that you had, if you can’t hold the semens for more than one minute before you ejaculate, then this 3 month period would go in vain.
  • ME: What are you suggesting??! (that day was my day off work, it was sunday, home alone with no shit to do)
  • HIM: I know that you don’t watch porn any more, I know this, but it’s Sunday, with no one at home, and you don’t have a shit to do, you know what I mean….
  • ME: ohhh hell nooo, i know what you’re trying to do here buddy, no way no way….
  • HIM: Listen man, you completed the 90 days challenge without relapsing, most rebooters don’t complete their first week, you’re good now, porn doesn’t affect you no more….
  • ME: you think so…??
  • HIM: yes my man, yes. You are porn-proof, but I don't know if your penis is healed by now…
  • ME: oooookay
  • HIM: there is only one way to find out…since you don’t have a girlfriend to have sex with, you know what i mean..
  • (as that conversation was going on inside my mind, urges starts to creep in and flashbacks of porn scenes started to pop up into my brain)
  • ME: man i’m not sure about this, i don’t want to go back to that rabbit hole…
  • HIM: it’s just to test if your penis is working, that’s the only way to find out, come on now, you own that to yourself. After that 3 months of no p no mo, who could blame you, even those guys in that forum you go into relapse, think of it like an experiment that’s all, just one video if you can finish it without ejaculating too soon you’re good, just one that’s it, i promise….
  • ME: man it was though, i don’t know, maybe you’re right, let’s give it a shot (my brain started thinking of all the names i could type into my search. With that, dopamine started to kick in in those reward centers inside my brain as I typed into the search bar…. And the rest is history…..)

Man, i was so stupid, i thought i heald myself for good.

As soon as I mustarbated, all that was left was feelings of disgust, shame, and depression like never before, I looked myself in the mirror and started talking..

What have you done, you fool, you dumb, didn’t you see that coming, what were you thinking, you just won one battle, that doesn’t mean you won the war, now it’s 1-1…

But after that first interaction with p after 3 months of reboot, my brain was hijacked like if i saw porn for the first time in my life.

It went like this for a whole week, binge watching videos and mustarbating.
Ohh about that pe thing, it is still there, i thought i was cured but silly me.

That’s why I relapsed in the first place, that was a good one dear brain.

A month passed after the first relapse, then I was so disgusted with myself of what happened. That’s when I decided to start the second attempt to quit porn. I learned my lesson from the first relapse. Now it’s time to move on.

More about the second attempt tomorrow.

Stay hard. Peace

Ezel.
I've been reading your story for a while now and it's like I'm reading 80 percent of what I'm going through also. I can relate with this long time of quitting and then coming back. It was very painful for me cause I thought I will never be able to quit for so many months again. After those months of quitting, and now relapsing I was so devastated and have found it difficult to quit ever since untill now again cause I can't live with this shit anymore. Never! 😪
 
I started to deal with this shitty habit again since last week and I went without doing it for 6 days until today again. I feel horrible now cause I had a strong decision when I started last week and it looks like I failed now 😑
 

Ezel

Active Member
I'm sorry to hear about your relapse, it happens to the best of us. What happened is now from the past, it's gone.

Don't make the same mistake as I did and go binge watch porn, telling yourself that I will start tomorrow or next week, the best time to start is now cuz it's all what you have.

Don't overthink it my man, dust yourself off, get up, and start moving again.

Porn is never worth it, one day your future self will thank you for leaving this filth behind.

But that's if you start today, it's the big question man, to be or not to be...

And no one will answer that except you..

Sending love, you got this man.
 
I'm sorry to hear about your relapse, it happens to the best of us. What happened is now from the past, it's gone.

Don't make the same mistake as I did and go binge watch porn, telling yourself that I will start tomorrow or next week, the best time to start is now cuz it's all what you have.

Don't overthink it my man, dust yourself off, get up, and start moving again.

Porn is never worth it, one day your future self will thank you for leaving this filth behind.

But that's if you start today, it's the big question man, to be or not to be...

And no one will answer that except you..

Sending love, you got this man.
Thanks man I'm always concerned about becoming a better me in the future and looking back to say I'm proud of myself. I'm starting again. No more room for this shit!
 
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