Day 61, no po, no mo (monk mode).
It’s been a long busy week, my first week in college this year, that’s why I haven’t been journaling a lot lately, I would just write how many days I’m at and call it a day. A lot happened this week, I faced so many temptations, and anyone who went through college knows what I'm talking about.
Girls everywhere, some of the most beautiful girls you will ever see will be college girls lol. I must admit that sticking to monk mode was very challenging, i even slipped sometimes and peeked at their body parts, but i looked away immediately telling myself:
What the hell are you doing man, she is not yours she’s for someone else, what’s the point of looking at a girl and fantasizing about her if you will never have her, she’s just passing by, so mind your own business, you will just torture yourself and your mind will use her against you to torture you even more, and at the end of it back to square one and back to pornland… get over it partner you are better than this…
Yeah, tough time for an addict to go through, but so far I'm handling it quite well. Probably my most challenging test was this past Thursday. After I finished my two-morning classes, I went to the college library to study a little. I sat down at a table in the corner of the library. At first, it was just a girl and me at the table, I had already seen her in a class, she was dressing modestly and minding her own biz, but after a while, i saw a girl coming in through the door, a gorgeous girl and in top of it all she showed some skin, again i looked away and i was like: no way she’s coming to this table, very likely she’s looking for her boyfriend or friends. And soon after she sat down at the same table facing me, and I was like: WTH, girl give me a freaking break, from the whole library empty seats you didn’t find but this chair.
i’m not going to lie, i peeked for a second at her arms, and the automatic behavior was on, lucky me i got it under control and i shut it down, 30 min later i spotted an old friend and went to talk to him, and left that girl at the table, and that was it.
yeah, it was tough, if you ever reached this stage of getting turned on by a girl’s arms know that you are thirsty af, like a lost man in a desert and he hasn’t seen water for 2 months ( after two months you will surely be dead, but you know what i mean lol).
Speaking of two months porn free, I had a wet dream this morning. What are the odds? It's like my body celebrated in its own way these 2 months on monk mode, so I’m glad for it.
I would like also to thank all the members that supported me:
@Blondie you just made my day with that last post of yours, I’m honored my man, bless your efforts to the community, all hail the king.
@Beautiful1973 thank you for your support, I’m glad that men aren’t fighting alone in this battle and there are women out there who want the best for men, bless you sis.
@Skittelz thank you partner, 100+ days of being porn-free, man you are killing it, i will just shut up and let the numbers do the talking, god bless…
@FreedomFromTheStruggle_11 thanks brother, you have always been there for me man, i appreciate you so much, i’m glad you are back and conquering your inner demons, you got this brother, you always have, one day you will set yourself free, you got heart man.
Until next time.
Peace.
Ezel.