Finally, I'm doing this…

Ezel

Respected Member
Day 32, monk mode.

After over a month of rebooting, I finally got my first wet dream just this morning. Usually, when I'm having them they would wake me up in the middle of the night, that’s how intense they can get.

This one I had this morning was not like that at all, maybe I was sleeping deeply, I don't know.

Before this, I started to get worried cuz normally just 2 weeks into the reboot I would get wet dreams frequently, but this time it took a whole month to experience my first one.

Now I can rest assured that all is working down there. I never had a problem with my genitals, my problem was always with my brain, if i can get it right up there then everything else will fall into place.

Once again I thank all the guys that always support me. You're such a bliss. God bless you all.
 

GBS

Respected Member
Hi @Ezel . I cannot comment on wet dreams because I don’t think I have ever had one. I am not concerned about that because it’s not as if my junk isn’t working. So I would counsel you to say that I don’t think you should assume there’s a problem if it takes longer for you. I know you’re way younger than I am. But I would still say chill, man. Into your second month and I haven’t forgotten that you’re roughly 140 days monk mode with one blip. Legend.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Glad to hear this @Ezel.

Yes, the body can be strange when getting back to normal after a relapse. It's hard to say what exactly is going on sometimes and why it does what it does. Is it the porn or just the body doing its own thing? I still overthink this stuff once in a while, which never helps, but it's hard not to in the moment.

Have a great porn-free weekend brother.
 

Ezel

Respected Member
Day 36, monk mode.

Yesterday i came back from college really tired and sick (caught a Cold), i took a Cold shower, had lunch and then slept like a baby, i couldn't resist it. while I was sleeping i had another wet dream just 4 days after i had the first one. I felt this one, it woke me up for a second, my body muscles got all tensed up during ejaculation. After that i went back to sleep like nothing happened.
I guess this is the end for my flatline, we all know what's coming next, God have mercy.
Let the gates of hell open wide.
 

Alexey

Member
I'm glad you are going well, Ezel.

I believe going for a long time without seed leakage is good. First, some folks state this is a loss of minerals and vitamins. Second -- and I affirm this -- you become more passive and less resistant to the addiction for about a couple of days.

Also, it seems, that the frequency and even the fact of occurrence of a wet dream differs from person to person.
 

Ezel

Respected Member
Day 53, monk mode (no po, no mo).

Thanks @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11 for reaching out, I'm doing okay brother. You keep doing what you do best champ.

Yeah I know, long time no see. Finally, I have some time now to write since I'm done with this semester's exams. From 6 modules I validated 5 modules, and only one came back, but I passed the catch-up exam just two days ago and I did great in it. Not bad I guess. Hard work pays off sooner or later, you just gotta keep pushing and don’t hold back.

These past 3 weeks were satisfying in a sense, i don’t know how to describe it cuz even though i would spend the entire week monday to Saturday from 9 to 5 studying with a friend of mine in the college library till our backs and necks started to hurt, and after we are done for the day, i would go back home and feel this happiness and satisfaction and put my head on a pillow and tell myself you did great today man, well done.

It’s so beautiful knowing that you gave it your best shot and gained this well-deserved normal level of dopamine because of the meaningful work that you have done, instead of pressing the porn easy button several times and you can still feel this emptiness that eats you inside and feels like shit.

The addiction is still there, I can feel its presence, still lurking in the shadows and showing his ugly filthy head from time to time. I’m not done yet as far as I’m concerned, to put it in other words since college is closed now for over a week, i’m going to spend it at home. You know the drill it’s going to be tough.

Just 2 days ago urges started creeping in, porn flashbacks, insta models, search terms you name it. I didn’t give in to them that easily. I know better now.

They were tough honestly, thank god he didn’t let me down and give up on me. Every time I felt I was about to let go, I would put my hands up and pray to Allah.

The Preserver, The Protector, The One who protects whatever and whoever He willed to protect. The Maintainer, The Guardian, The Feeder, The One who has the Power. The Reckoner, The One who gives satisfaction. The Sublime One, The Beneficent, The One who is attributed with greatness of Power and Glory of status save me from my evil self…

I know I'm in a tough spot because of my religious beliefs, isn't like I'm a good practitioner, because I'm not, if I were I wouldn't go this porn path and end up where I am. But that’s okay, sometimes you gotta fall down before you get back up…

On 1 February this year, i completed a full year since i joined the forum it was a hell of a journey with downs and many ups. Thank god i kept track of the fortify app throughout this whole year, when i checked it 3 days ago, i was shocked tbh.

From the whole year, I only relapsed 11 times, so that leaves me with a solid 354 days of no pmo, and a large portion of it was on monk mode. Not bad I guess lol.

And to my surprise on that same morning I had a wet dream, my third this time. My wet dreams timing are on a whole other level, just when I start to get worried if they were late or there is a major rebooting event or I'm about to say to hell with it, they would show up and restore hope in me.

But this isn’t over, you have to keep your guard up. Especially because I think that my flatline is over, with the whole urges that are showing up inside my head, and the frequent fully erected morning woods I’m having, and the 50+ days of no masturbations or any stimulations…

Man, it’s hard, i envy a lot of you guys tbh, a lot of the guys in here who passed the 90 days mark and beyond have outlets to release that sexual energy whenever they see fit, i don’t know if i’m the only guy in here who’s trying to pull this impossible task of leaving porn and masturbation without including a woman in this process, i may need to adjust my approach along the road and come up with a solution to this, but so far i’m good.

I heard this saying that sexual energy is like a fire, you need to keep it in check, if you keep meeting its overwhelming demands it will burn you to the ground, on the other hand, if you neglect it completely it will go away and you will freeze to death. So the only option is to find that sweet spot and keep it burning so you can stay warm.

That’s it for me today, as always thanks to all the members. Your encouragement and support mean the world to me honestly.

Peace.

Ezel.
 

swimmer97

Active Member
Day 53, monk mode (no po, no mo).

Thanks @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11 for reaching out, I'm doing okay brother. You keep doing what you do best champ.

Yeah I know, long time no see. Finally, I have some time now to write since I'm done with this semester's exams. From 6 modules I validated 5 modules, and only one came back, but I passed the catch-up exam just two days ago and I did great in it. Not bad I guess. Hard work pays off sooner or later, you just gotta keep pushing and don’t hold back.

These past 3 weeks were satisfying in a sense, i don’t know how to describe it cuz even though i would spend the entire week monday to Saturday from 9 to 5 studying with a friend of mine in the college library till our backs and necks started to hurt, and after we are done for the day, i would go back home and feel this happiness and satisfaction and put my head on a pillow and tell myself you did great today man, well done.

It’s so beautiful knowing that you gave it your best shot and gained this well-deserved normal level of dopamine because of the meaningful work that you have done, instead of pressing the porn easy button several times and you can still feel this emptiness that eats you inside and feels like shit.

The addiction is still there, I can feel its presence, still lurking in the shadows and showing his ugly filthy head from time to time. I’m not done yet as far as I’m concerned, to put it in other words since college is closed now for over a week, i’m going to spend it at home. You know the drill it’s going to be tough.

Just 2 days ago urges started creeping in, porn flashbacks, insta models, search terms you name it. I didn’t give in to them that easily. I know better now.

They were tough honestly, thank god he didn’t let me down and give up on me. Every time I felt I was about to let go, I would put my hands up and pray to Allah.

The Preserver, The Protector, The One who protects whatever and whoever He willed to protect. The Maintainer, The Guardian, The Feeder, The One who has the Power. The Reckoner, The One who gives satisfaction. The Sublime One, The Beneficent, The One who is attributed with greatness of Power and Glory of status save me from my evil self…

I know I'm in a tough spot because of my religious beliefs, isn't like I'm a good practitioner, because I'm not, if I were I wouldn't go this porn path and end up where I am. But that’s okay, sometimes you gotta fall down before you get back up…

On 1 February this year, i completed a full year since i joined the forum it was a hell of a journey with downs and many ups. Thank god i kept track of the fortify app throughout this whole year, when i checked it 3 days ago, i was shocked tbh.

From the whole year, I only relapsed 11 times, so that leaves me with a solid 354 days of no pmo, and a large portion of it was on monk mode. Not bad I guess lol.

And to my surprise on that same morning I had a wet dream, my third this time. My wet dreams timing are on a whole other level, just when I start to get worried if they were late or there is a major rebooting event or I'm about to say to hell with it, they would show up and restore hope in me.

But this isn’t over, you have to keep your guard up. Especially because I think that my flatline is over, with the whole urges that are showing up inside my head, and the frequent fully erected morning woods I’m having, and the 50+ days of no masturbations or any stimulations…

Man, it’s hard, i envy a lot of you guys tbh, a lot of the guys in here who passed the 90 days mark and beyond have outlets to release that sexual energy whenever they see fit, i don’t know if i’m the only guy in here who’s trying to pull this impossible task of leaving porn and masturbation without including a woman in this process, i may need to adjust my approach along the road and come up with a solution to this, but so far i’m good.

I heard this saying that sexual energy is like a fire, you need to keep it in check, if you keep meeting its overwhelming demands it will burn you to the ground, on the other hand, if you neglect it completely it will go away and you will freeze to death. So the only option is to find that sweet spot and keep it burning so you can stay warm.

That’s it for me today, as always thanks to all the members. Your encouragement and support mean the world to me honestly.

Peace.

Ezel.
Great year. And this is just the start.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
@Ezel, I'm so glad you're killing it at life, that just puts a smile on my face. :cool:

Congrats on 354 days porn free last year, that is quite the accomplishment. Yes, it wasn't perfect, but you're a completely different man than you were before, and you have to see that. Just the amount of extra time you have must feel great. I know it changed my life, and I haven't been "perfect" either. So again, congrats!
Man, it’s hard, i envy a lot of you guys tbh, a lot of the guys in here who passed the 90 days mark and beyond have outlets to release that sexual energy whenever they see fit, i don’t know if i’m the only guy in here who’s trying to pull this impossible task of leaving porn and masturbation without including a woman in this process, i may need to adjust my approach along the road and come up with a solution to this, but so far i’m good.
I agree, you're on another whole level. Your monk mode compared to mine is different to say the least, and I commend you for it.

You truly do have balls of steel!

Bless you my man, keep burning those boats.
 

Alexey

Member
Man, it’s hard, i envy a lot of you guys tbh, a lot of the guys in here who passed the 90 days mark and beyond have outlets to release that sexual energy whenever they see fit, i don’t know if i’m the only guy in here who’s trying to pull this impossible task of leaving porn and masturbation without including a woman in this process, i may need to adjust my approach along the road and come up with a solution to this, but so far i’m good.

Besides starting noPMO approximately at the same time as you did last time, I'm also doing without a woman. Although it seems I'm in love with one, I only do infrequent phone calls.

Whether this is a harder way is debatable. Developing a relationship is challenging and you have already put it well about sexual energy.

Some gurus advise not to commit to starting a relationship actively in the first 90 days if you don’t already have one. And if you have a relationship, even refrain from sex (after proper explanations).
 

jay-man

New Member
Just 2 days ago urges started creeping in, porn flashbacks, insta models, search terms you name it. I didn’t give in to them that easily. I know better now.

They were tough honestly, thank god he didn’t let me down and give up on me. Every time I felt I was about to let go, I would put my hands up and pray to Allah.

The Preserver, The Protector, The One who protects whatever and whoever He willed to protect. The Maintainer, The Guardian, The Feeder, The One who has the Power. The Reckoner, The One who gives satisfaction. The Sublime One, The Beneficent, The One who is attributed with greatness of Power and Glory of status save me from my evil self…

I know I'm in a tough spot because of my religious beliefs, isn't like I'm a good practitioner, because I'm not, if I were I wouldn't go this porn path and end up where I am. But that’s okay, sometimes you gotta fall down before you get back up…

On 1 February this year, i completed a full year since i joined the forum it was a hell of a journey with downs and many ups. Thank god i kept track of the fortify app throughout this whole year, when i checked it 3 days ago, i was shocked tbh.

From the whole year, I only relapsed 11 times, so that leaves me with a solid 354 days of no pmo, and a large portion of it was on monk mode. Not bad I guess lol.
Hey mate. Just read a chunk of your journal.

Saying 'I'm in a tough spot because of my religious beliefs' - I guess your faith make you feel extra guilty? Faith can be helpful too, because a lot of people I see who recover have a place to go where there hearts and soul can be happy. We need something to fill the void that porn leaves behind . I never thought I'd have a spiritual side, but there was no other way to leave addiction than to develop some kind of spiritual practice.

I can understand not having a partner makes this journey seem extra hard. Be mindful about that energy, transmute that energy and use it for something useful - developing yourself, and your studies - for example. There are interesting 'tantra' podcasts and audiobooks that say you can enjoy this energy without a partner (I don't want to recommend anything in particular as they may be triggering). Deep breathing, being aware of that energy, and separating it from anything sexual is a good start. (as for horny flashbacks and all that, some kind of mantra like - 'there's only misery and addiction down that road' and visualizing your rock bottom can help with that).

'Just 2 days ago urges started creeping in' - yeah, they can always creep in. A long time after reboot, you can have a bad day where everything aligns against you. You need to develop strategies and practices so in these moments they feel like a little dog on a leash pulling at you - you notice and you're mindful, but it doesn't pull too hard. As opposed to a massive dog that pulls and you have to fall in behind it.

You are doing great! Have a great day.
 

Ezel

Respected Member
Day 66, no po, no mo (monk mode).

@GBS my man, thanks for reaching out. I’m doing okay brother. sorry for the late reply, it’s just i have been busy lately with college and improving the languages i’m learning, especially my french.

Speaking of languages, I found a language exchange partner lately to help me improve the speaking part of my French. And she’s a girl btw. I don’t know if I’m playing with fire here, well I hope I'm not…

Yesterday was the third time we spoke, we did a voice call together for about an hour and a half. Man it felt like 10 min, the first time i spoke to her we spoke for about 3 hours, and when we ended the call i went to the bathroom and i saw this 50% erection in my penis, i don’t know where the hell did that come from, i hope it’s a good sign lol, maybe it is, i don’t know…

I got turned on just by speaking to her, I mean she has this gentle, soft, feminine voice. I fantasized about her, I couldn't help it but thank god i didn’t act on it, or else these two months will go in vain.

I mean at least it’s a normal stimulation not like porn which is a supernormal stimulus, however, i have to never forget why I’m here and what this journey is all about. It’s about getting rid of this porn virus that sucked enough of my life. And it ends now.

Again thank you gbs for passing by, god bless you and your family. Keep doing your thing champ.

See you around.

Peace and love.

Ezel.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
@Ezel I remember when I was much younger, to talk and hear a girl's voice on the phone was something really special, exciting and very much looked forward to.
I missed those innocent days.
There was no need to sexualize it. It already had a connection straight to the heart.

Do try to keep that special innocent feeling within and appreciate the warmth it brings you.

Most things don't need to have a sexual angle to it, even from the opposite sex.
Appreciation is what makes this world truly amazing and beautiful.

Super happy for you!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
So happy to hear about all of this @Ezel. Right on my man, looks like you're killing it at school.

That's great news about finding your language partner. This made me laugh when I read your report about it, my first thought was, Ezel is a great man!

I have few things to say. First of all, it's fantastic that your dick is working like that, and I concur with @TakeActionNow, that that is utterly natural and is the way it should be. When you don't look at porn, your life becomes less sexualized, but you become more sexual, thus, even just talking to a cute feminine girl can get you going. I've obviously have had this same experience with my Lady, and even a few occasions of talking to ladies in class, where you walk away wondering "what the hell just happened?" I wasn't thinking of anything sexual, but yet I still got turned on. This is all good, and you should be feeling good about this. Thank God for beautiful feminine women!

On the other hand, I can see your concern how this could lead you into some problems. Obviously, you need to know that this isn't porn, and definitely not porn subs either. Everything that's going on there is totally normal and healthy. Even your fantasying is normal here. However, since you don't have a sexual outlet in your life and she's only on the computer just like porn, this could be a problem considering your other goals right now.

Obviously, only you can say for sure what should be done or what you can handle or not. Maybe just feel it out and see how it goes for the next few weeks. There's a lot of positives here for sure, working with a cute girl will get you to put even more effort into your language study, I know I always study harder when there's cute girls in the class. :) However, you might need to find someone else, if you think it's going to hurt your progress and goals of never looking at porn again.

This is all a journey of discovery, a journey about figuring out for ourselves what we can handle and what we cannot. And what might be okay in six months, might not be okay at the moment. But, there's only one way to figure that out, keep going forward with the utmost value of always being honest with yourself. If you sense you're starting to cross lines and boundaries that you know you shouldn't, then you have to jolt yourself out of your delusion and change course immediately, even if only momentarily.

Love you brother.

Keep killing it!
 
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