First Post


New Member
First post here as I am tired of feeling like crap. I am 33 years old and have an addiction to pornography. I started as many pre-teens and teens do: Victoria’s Secret catalogs haha. It escalated when we got our first computer with a dial-up connection. I downloaded pics and vids from LimeWire, giving my family’s computer many digital STDs. Finally graduated to finding online sites of bikini models taking them off and reveling themselves. I was pretty active dating in my teens, but due to my religious upbringing, we never went past making out and touching each other. I discovered streaming internet porn in my first year of the military and the game was on. I was still a virgin and used it multiple times a day. I saw it as okay because I didn’t want to start a relationship when I was on the move so much. Because of my upbringing, I still viewed sex as part of a relationship and not just an act to be done casually.
Once I got stable, I met the woman who would become my wife. She was experienced as she lost her virginity at 15 and had sex with 10 people by the time we met. The first time we had sex I was rock hard the entire time, but I couldn’t orgasm. I couldn’t feel through the condom, likely because of the methods I used to masturbate had decreased the sensitivity. We ditched the condom and I was eventually able to orgasm. I blamed it on being nervous.
We continued to date and I continued to watch porn. I had the will power to abstain from porn on days I knew we were meeting up and that worked for me. I did have some issues getting hard sometimes, again I told her it was because I was nervous because I wanted to please her. I had never performed oral on anyone, and it made me nervous that it took me so long to make her climax. Once I figured it out, things were great. I still watched porn, but only a few days a week. I would again not watch on days I thought we were going to have sex (3-4 times a week at this point). We got married and this cycle occurred for the next 9 years, with the exceptions being when I deployed. The stress I carried led me to masturbate to porn multiple times a day. But other than that, I was fine. My wife did catch me once after our child was born, but my excuse was because we couldn’t have sex and I refused to ask her for sex since she had some post pregnancy health issues.
My real problems with porn started when my wife passed away. She had a rather short, but aggressive battle with cancer. Because of stress, anxiety, and need, I dove headfirst into my usual streaming sites. I did have short fling with a Tinder match and I had no problems getting hard and going all night long. After I decided that wasn’t what I wanted to be, hooking up with a random person just a few months after the mother of my child died. I dove further into porn. I was all over streaming sites, but the most detrimental place I found myself was on Reddit. The sheer volume of options had me constantly scrolling and looking to chat with other people. It was intoxicating.
Here’s where my real problem surfaced. I met a great woman who is perfect for me and my child. After about a month of dating and trying not to creep her out, I asked her if she wanted to go upstairs. When she took her clothes off I was as hard as I’d ever been. She had a beautiful, well-toned body and I was already trying to think of excuses for when I orgasmed 15 seconds in. We lay on the bed and I performed oral on her. It was a little clumsy because her anatomy was different than I had experienced before. Then as I was wrapping up, I felt myself go pathetically soft. I freaked out. That was not supposed to happen. What was she thinking of me? I hoped it didn’t damage her psyche that she couldn’t turn me on. This cycle repeated itself for about 2 months. I was unwilling to accept that it was my porn addiction giving me ED. So I reached out to my doctor and begged for a testosterone test. It was normal, so what was going on. The suggested Viagra and I was on board. I took one and tried again, nothing. Devastation. The second time I took it, it worked like a charm. I was good now. I kept taking it as a safety net though. After the second bottle ran out, I told her that it was too early for a refill, thinking it was funny because we were having so much sex. This was the first time I told her about it and she was furious. She almost left me and I was frightened out of my mind. This was the first time where I realized I had a problem. Luckily, she understood why I was taking the pills and agreed to give me another chance. I refilled them and would have to tell if I took one. This went on about a month. I flushed them the day I proposed to her. I almost turned around to get them when I left my house, but I decided enough was enough.
That was about a year ago, and the sex has been good with no problems but the porn watching never stopped. Now I’m having trouble maintaining an erection and I’m scared again. I finally read the publication from the Art of Manliness on how to quit porn. This forum was in it. I joined today and want to write daily to keep myself accountable. I know I will feel terrible if I come on here and have to say that I watched porn.
My plan is to have a distraction when I feel the urge. I need to go do something else. The problem is I find so many things are triggers. Social media visits give me ideas of makes me think of subreddits. Last night was the last time I masturbated and it started with an intimate apparel ad on Facebook. I feel better about it because it just gave me the horny feeling and I finished it myself in the shower thinking of my finace.
Long story short, I have a pornography addiction that is affecting my relationship in the bedroom and I’m here to fix that.


New Member
Day 2. We had sex last night. Got an erection during foreplay but it softened a little trying to penetrate. Was still able to anyway and it was a great session. Woke up today extremely horny and I crave going to a site and looking at my normal stuff. I’m managing so far, but I want to so bad


Respected Member
Congratulations on deciding to quit, you are definitely in the right place. If you truly want to quit, you are completely capable of getting rid of this shity habit out of your life.


Active Member
Good luck with it.
If you want my advice, I'm a big advocate for goal setting. When you say "My plan is to have a distraction when I feel the urge. I need to go do something else.", what are the distractions? How will you prevent them? What specific healthy activities will you do? How long will you stop using porn? 1 month? 3? A year? Life?
I've personally found that giving myself goals like "I'll work out more" or "I'll eat healthier" never work.

But good luck regardless. Sorry for your loss, and I hope that you and your fiancee work out well.

Out of curiosity, "This was the first time I told her about it and she was furious."
The first time you told her about the Viagra, or the porn addiction? If you haven't told her about the addiction, do you intend to?


Respected Member
you can and absolutely will recover from your addiction. youve found the best and really only way to do it now. and youre clearly motivated, too. what better motivation is there than having a child that depends on you! your child has an awsome father and one that wont be addicted to porn much longer!