New Member
I’m going to divorce my husband. I hate it’s come to this point but I’m done. I would rather be alone, and at least have a shot at future happiness, than endure this heartache anymore. For 10 yrs I’ve tried my best to work through the lying, fantasizing about other women while
having sex with me (when it does happen at all), ogling other women in public, using porn as a sexual outlet rather than me…I can’t trust a word he says anymore.

We were so in love. I believe that-even if he is a fantastic lier. But he’s chosen digital T&A over me time and time again. He justifies it to me and himself based on his early adolescent use. Yes, this context is hard but he still has a choice. Every moment of everyday he has a choice

And now I’m pregnant (so so happily) and I’m faced with the decision of raising this child in a home with lying, mistrust, sadness, and shame as cornerstones, or making the decision to be brave and move on from this.

We’ve talked to a councilor and he says he’s trying but after 10yrs the progress has been glacial. I really don’t know what to do anymore. He says he’s taking recovery seriously but he continues to use. He talks a big game but how easily he forgets those words when his mood changes.

I want nothing more than to have this child be raised in a loving home and I’m not afraid to create that by myself if necessary. I feel like we’ve tried so much already…countless hours of heart felt talks, counseling, podcasts, books, forums…what else is there? He just has to decide enough is enough but he won’t.

I have to hype myself up when we go out if I know other women will be around since I know he’ll get fixated. I don’t deserve that. I have to wonder who he’s thinking about when he’s being intimate with me, like by his estimation I’m not even good enough to think about when he’s actually physically with me (it makes me feel so lonely). I can’t trust anything he says anymore.

I feel trapped and I want free.

Deleted member 26092

That sounds right to me. It seems like you have tried to change his behavior, but he is still unable to do so. I don't think it's possible to force people to change from the outside. They have to be intrinsically motivated to change. Therefore, get out.
Thank you for your post Lilly01. I am married and actually also trying for a child with my wife. This post serves as a good reminder of the hurt our porn use can cause our partners. I hope you and your husband both find happiness going forward, whether together or apart.


Attraction to real women should increase temporarily if he quits porn. This doesn't justify ogling or checking out women in front of you. That is unjustifiable. But as the brain gets used to noticing the attractiveness of women in his surroundings, rather than actresses on his computer screen. This fades with time, and abstinence, and eventually he won't even notice other women anymore, just you.
Sounds like he’s not making the effort to change so agree you need to do what’s best for you and your future child.

Every guy porn addicted or not will notice attractive women but there’s a big difference between that and ogling them or checking them out. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Wishing you the best in the future.


Active Member
The beauty of excuses is that they are true and he will always be ready to hide behind them. Ten years is enough. Move on, just like he's chosen virtual over real, you now go and choose yourself.

Much love.


It sounds like you've arrived at your decision after lots of thought and patience, and given what you've described, it definitely seems like the right one. Wishing you the best of luck and courage in this process.


New Member
I'd personally have a convo with him and if that doesnt work, there are men out here who will not disrespect you in that manner


Honestly I would chose the same thing. I would never want to raise a child seeing me disrespected like that. Make your own life separate from him and raise your child to be respected and be respectful.