Miles to Go

Chuckles

Active Member
Day 173

Okay everybody sorry to disappoint...
I can't keep up the wake up at 5 AM thing. The cough and congestion are super worse today, and I need to rest until I'm over whatever this is. But I bought a new aresenal: flonase, claritin, dayquil with mucinex, and what's left of a can of simply saline. I hope to have this kicked in a week.

Things going well with LDR. She's so awesome. I'm still smitten :)
 

Chuckles

Active Member
Day 180!
Wednesday will be 6 months!
Still no PMO, although I'm feeling more tempted these days. I caught myself thinking that just one might be okay. Nope, not doing it.
I'm still feeling a little under the weather, but it's be about 3 months since I've exercised, and I can't just stay in my room anymore.
 

Chuckles

Active Member
SIX MONTHS! WOOT! (technically yesterday was 6 months, but whatever)

Anyone out there struggling for day 1 or day 100, you got this! Think it through, make a plan, and stick to it. Reach out for help when you need it. It's going to be difficult, and there are going to be setbacks, but if you keep at it you can beat this!

Personally it's still up and down for me. The thoughts and temptations are occasional, but not completely gone. I still view porn as a thing in my past, but that doesn't mean it isn't or can't be a problem. My biggest takeaway is that when I'm lethargic and tired and bored and really in any negative emotional state, that seductive little voice tells me "It'll make you feel better. It'll distract you from the present." So to combat that I need to keep up on my exercise to keep me in a positive or at least neutral emotional state, and also have healthy hobbies to keep me occupied. I also recognize that MO without P can become problematic, and my next step is to tackle that. I don't reasonably think I can cut out MO forever, and for me it'll be more difficult to cut back on something rather than quit it entirely. So this weekend I'm reevaluating and coming up with a new game plan for that.

Thank you everyone for the support! You got this!
 

SimonM

Active Member
That's amazing! Congratulations.
Your journey is certainly an inspiration and motivates me to keep pushing on!

I feel exactly the way you do about MO. It's hard to imagine leaving it behind forever. It's hard to consider doing it, even occasionally, without eventually letting that slide into P - because MO with P is just more exciting (for me - and I've never been able to MO to thoughts of a partner)... I am looking forward to hearing what game plan you come up with!
 

Chuckles

Active Member
That's amazing! Congratulations.
Your journey is certainly an inspiration and motivates me to keep pushing on!

I feel exactly the way you do about MO. It's hard to imagine leaving it behind forever. It's hard to consider doing it, even occasionally, without eventually letting that slide into P - because MO with P is just more exciting (for me - and I've never been able to MO to thoughts of a partner)... I am looking forward to hearing what game plan you come up with!
TBH thoughts of a partner is better than porn, but be warned it can become just as addictive. And the added danger is that once it's in your head, there's no restricting access. But again, for me it's still better than losing an entire weekend to marathon PMO sessions.
 

Chuckles

Active Member
@Chuckles How are you doing?
I'm doing alright. Just kinda got caught up with life, ya know?

But I've been more productive, and exercising a little, though not as much as I'd like.

My girlfriend's awesome. Seriously she makes me so happy. Long distance isn't easy. But it does make us put sex on the back burner and get to know each other, and how to communicate. We have another zoom date planned for Saturday.
 

Chuckles

Active Member
Day 193
When I started breaking my addiction, one of the first things I did was adjust my desk to standing height, to break up the routine of "sit down to do something on the computer, subconsciously start PMO." And it's basically been a standing desk since then, even after my move.
Yesterday I had a zoom date, so I lowered the desk and put a small table in front of it for my dinner. This morning, I figured "What the hell, I want to sit today and do computer stuff." And seriously, not 10 minutes in, I'm thinking about all the porn I want to start watching. My hand unconsciously went to my crotch. WTF?! After over 6 months the habit is still there. It was uncanny how sneaky it all was too. Like zero thought or intentions of porn, and all of a sudden it was 8 months ago. I didn't go to porn sites though; I came here instead.

Stay alert out there everyone! This addiction never sleeps!
 

Chuckles

Active Member
Day 202

For the past week. I've had the temptation more so than the past few months. I think it's stress and being lazy. There's life stuff going on.

I don't mentally have enough gas in the tank to open it all up and really take a look, but I got stuff in my head for sure.

I just wanted to pop in and update everyone. I'm still going strong, and I still wish you all success in your journeys.
 

Chuckles

Active Member
Day 212
I sexted with my GF a week ago. It was way more powerful than a PMO orgasm. Knowing that someone else was on the other side of it was nice. And I've sexted before, but she and I haven't seen each other in a couple months, so it's somewhere between sexting and the closest thing we can get to actual sex. It's nice. I had a bit of a drop after, and we've since discussed other aspects of our relationship. Overall things are going really well, and I'm looking forward to all the trips we have planned together over the next few months.
 

Chuckles

Active Member
Day 214
I just want to say that overall, things are going very well. I still have occasional dreams of porn, or dreams of the recollection of watching "Just a little" porn. But beyond that it feels more and more like it's behind me. And it's awesome!

Anyone out there starting your journey... I'll say it again.
It's about more than just a desire to quit. You need commitment, and a plan, and healthy habits to substitute. You need to build your resolve now, so that you can draw from it when it becomes harder to stay the course. Keep in touch with others here, reach out when you need to. Have an escape plan for when the urges become unbearable. Ask us how you can be doing it better.
Good luck to everyone out there!
 

Chuckles

Active Member
Day 228
Wow it's been two weeks since I've posted. IDK if that's bad that I'm not keeping in touch, or good that I've had so much else to focus on that this isn't as big of a deal as typical.
Things with GF are going great, we have a trip planned for next weekend and I'm incredibly excited.

I have an ongoing financial situation that I've left idle for too long. And I can solve it, I just need to get the documents and do the forms and the chores, etc. And realistically this shouldn't take more than a few hours. But I've put it off until Sunday right before bedtime. And I realize that this is an ugly part of me that I've never been able to heal, beat, get rid of, however you want to put it.
And honestly, that might have been a big part of what started the whole porn addiction thing in the first place for me. I think procrastination has a lot to do with anxiety and learned helplessness, and for me, PMO was a way to escape from those feelings, and an easy way to feel good for the moment.

Right now, I'm stressing about this money stuff, and how that's going to affect my life going forward, and potentially impact my girlfriend and our relationship. And I'm anxious because I was supposed to get it all done this weekend. And I also have to fight this incredible urge to PMO. Like it's bad.
I know I still have membership remaining on the porn site I bought a year's worth of. I know I could go to password reset and be on that site in like 5 minutes flat. The addiction is telling me that it would be okay to just go to the landing page and see who the new stars are. I know I could just go to a free porn site without even that much hassle.

But I didn't. I came here to get it off my chest. To speak it to all of you, and into the void, and hope there's some sense of relief.

The great news is that I'm going to have an incredibly attractive woman all to myself for hours at a time next weekend. That's gonna be amazing.
 
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