Miles to Go

Chuckles

Chuckles

Active Member
Day 33
Somewhat long day at the office today. But I'm feeling good. I'm productive enough, and not as distracted as I used to be. This might be those super powers kicking in, but overall I feel more alert, focused, and determined. It's all good things.

edit: Comparing this post to previous ones, it's starting to feel like weekends are more difficult than weekdays. I can probably use that.
 
particularly_respecting

particularly_respecting

Active Member
Over a month! Amazing progress
I've been feeling more focused too - definitely think that giving in to porn whenever the urges came was bad for willpower
Like a muscle that we let atrophy

Keep on killing it, brother! 💪
 
Chuckles

Chuckles

Active Member
particularly_respecting said:
Over a month! Amazing progress
I've been feeling more focused too - definitely think that giving in to porn whenever the urges came was bad for willpower
<b>Like a muscle that we let atrophy</b>

Keep on killing it, brother! 💪
Click to expand...
Very well put! I forget the term, but I know there's a psychological thing where you have a finite amount of willpower. And for those used to instant gratification, it's harder to do something difficult but with a long term good, and harder to say no to the pleasurable thing with a long term bad.
I agree completely though. My willpower is so much better too.
 
Chuckles

Chuckles

Active Member
Day 37! In a Row!
Any Kevin Smith fans out there? Obscure reference, I know.
I went out for drinks tonight with a friend that was also a former... IDK, flame? fling?
I tested the waters, to see if maybe she wanted to take things to a physical level, and was immediately and firmly shot down. It hurts my ego, as well as frustrates my libido. But it's okay. Like it's not easy, and I definitely wanted to make out and see where it went. But friendship first, for real.
I could be wrong, and maybe it's the (reasonable amount of) alcohol, but I feel like PMO free me can wrestle with the 2 halves. The animal half that wants to get laid, and the human half that is okay with the fact that animal half didn't get what he want. I suspect former me would have been more upset about not getting any, might have leaned harder into that part of the conversation, tried to overcome the objections. I know, without a doubt, that former me would be watching stupid amounts of porn right now.
New chapters are fucking awesome! I'm not the guy who masturbates for 10 hours when he can't get laid. I'm not the guy who taints friendships when he doesn't get the sex he wants. I'm the guy that still has a great night, sex free, and goes to bed at a reasonable hour so he can work out and get some chores done tomorrow.
Good luck gents (and any ladies/non gents reading this too). I wish all of you the recovery you deserve!
 
Chuckles

Chuckles

Active Member
Day 40!
Still no P, But did MO this morning. Afterwards I felt a very strong urge to do it again.

Those of you that have gone back to MO after a reset, is it like that? Like you just have to fight back the urge to do it again like 15 minutes later? Or should I give it a bit longer before I start that again. I'm thinking maybe another month.
 
Chuckles

Chuckles

Active Member
Day 42
Sex drive has dropped off. Last night I visited the friend that I slept with on Saturday. It was nice to just hang out. I feel like she kind of tested the waters, but I wasn't sexually responsive.
IDK if I would call it a flatline though. More just tired and other stresses. Or maybe it is.
My new determination is to go 2 more weeks without MO, and try again to see how I respond. I feel like the immediate flood of desire to MO and PMO tells me I'm not quite ready.
 
Chuckles

Chuckles

Active Member
Day 43
Recep: Sex twice on Saturday. MO on Sunday, MO again this morning (after saying I'd take 2 weeks off). I've noticed more insomnia and irritability. Is that due to my addiction and sex hormones? Or maybe it's the weather change and work stress and other stuff? Who knows.

This morning I caught myself on auto pilot fantasizing, and touching myself. And tried to break it a few times, but eventually just caved and did it.
So I think my lack of resolve is to blame. I half-assedly made that commitment to stop MO for 2 more weeks, then bargained with myself for just 1 more time.

I commit to no masturbation for 2 more weeks! At least not until April 6th!
 
particularly_respecting

particularly_respecting

Active Member
Chuckles said:
Day 43
Recep: Sex twice on Saturday. MO on Sunday, MO again this morning (after saying I'd take 2 weeks off). I've noticed more insomnia and irritability. Is that due to my addiction and sex hormones? Or maybe it's the weather change and work stress and other stuff? Who knows.

This morning I caught myself on auto pilot fantasizing, and touching myself. And tried to break it a few times, but eventually just caved and did it.
So I think my lack of resolve is to blame. I half-assedly made that commitment to stop MO for 2 more weeks, then bargained with myself for just 1 more time.

I commit to no masturbation for 2 more weeks! At least not until April 6th!
Click to expand...
You got this brother! 💪

Yeah sex can be difficult. I think it's good for rewiring but sometimes it does open the floodgates for those feelings
I've definitely had that strong desire for (P)MO soon after sex. Maybe that's what happened?

Stay strong - I've no doubt you'll hit 2 weeks no problem.
43 days porn-free is an amazing achievement too!
 
L

logicprox

Well-Known Member
Chuckles said:
Day 43
Recep: Sex twice on Saturday. MO on Sunday, MO again this morning (after saying I'd take 2 weeks off). I've noticed more insomnia and irritability. Is that due to my addiction and sex hormones? Or maybe it's the weather change and work stress and other stuff? Who knows.

This morning I caught myself on auto pilot fantasizing, and touching myself. And tried to break it a few times, but eventually just caved and did it.
So I think my lack of resolve is to blame. I half-assedly made that commitment to stop MO for 2 more weeks, then bargained with myself for just 1 more time.

I commit to no masturbation for 2 more weeks! At least not until April 6th!
Click to expand...
43 days, that's awesome!
 
Onmyway19

Onmyway19

Active Member
Chuckles said:
Day 40!
Still no P, But did MO this morning. Afterwards I felt a very strong urge to do it again.

Those of you that have gone back to MO after a reset, is it like that? Like you just have to fight back the urge to do it again like 15 minutes later? Or should I give it a bit longer before I start that again. I'm thinking maybe another month.
Click to expand...
I've only done it a few times in about 40 days myself. Never really felt like I had to again right after, I think mostly in fear of it becoming habitual. Having sex makes me feel that way now, mostly because it's like having a toy that's been broken and now suddenly works like it's supposed to. Lol
You know your body and your limits. As well as what your triggers and good habits are. Use them wisely and be the man you know you can be.
 
Chuckles

Chuckles

Active Member
Day 44!
For those keeping score, the day count is porn, not sex or masturbation. Those I'm not tracking as closely.

Thanks for the encouragement @particularly_respecting @logicprox & @Onmyway19 !

Yeah my thoughts so far are that after sex there is that desire to MO or PMO, but I can ride out how good it feels to have sex with a real life woman.

After MO, I feel like that addiction is right below the surface. At this point it would take a lot of willpower to stop at 2x per week. I'm afraid it could become once a day, 3x a day, then trick myself into thinking just one photo of an ex wouldn't hurt, then... full blown relapse.

Not completely sure that would happen, but at this point it's easier to just say no, and try again later, to see how I respond.
I'm still not saying no to sex. But who knows? If I get to the point that I think it would help I'll consider a fast. Maybe next year for Lent?
 
Chuckles

Chuckles

Active Member
Day 45
I didn't get much sleep last night, and went to the gym early this morning. That boost felt pretty good, but I've been in an irritated mood for the past few hours. Also I reeeeeeally want to fuck.
 
Chuckles

Chuckles

Active Member
Day 46
MO'd this afternoon. It started with fantasizing and touching myself. Eventually I just said "screw it" and gave in. Still no porn though. But this was definitely a setback. This wasn't a conscious decision to do it, this was a loss of willpower, and failure to keep my commitment. This is old habits trying to claw back into my life. I'm not beating myself up too bad about it, but am beating myself up a little bit. Time to reassess and figure out how to prevent this in the future.
 
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particularly_respecting

particularly_respecting

Active Member
Chuckles said:
Day 46
MO'd this afternoon. It started with fantasizing and touching myself. Eventually I just said "screw it" and gave in. Still no porn though. But this was definitely a setback. This wasn't a conscious decision to do it, this was a loss of willpower, and failure to keep my commitment. This is old habits trying to claw back into my life. I'm not beating myself up too bad about it, but am beating myself up a little bit. Time to reassess and figure out how to prevent this in the future.
Click to expand...
Even if it is a setback, overall it looks like you have made great progress
It appears you have stopped yourself after one time instead of falling back into a destructive cycle
And now you are looking at yourself with honesty and openness and thinking about how to prevent it in future
You got this brother! 💪
 
Chuckles

Chuckles

Active Member
Day 49
Feeling better, working out more helps. Work has been less stressful. The urge to PMO has subsided a little, but is still there. I find it easier to slip into fantasy and sort of drift. So I need to be more mindful of that.
 
particularly_respecting

particularly_respecting

Active Member
Great job @Chuckles! Seems like you are making amazing progress just reading the start of your journal and comparing it with where you are today

Mind if I ask what sort of exercise you're doing?
No real reason - just curious what other guys do
For myself, now that the ski season is finished I'm looking at getting back into training
Will probably focus on kettlebells - no access to a real gym and I like the simplicity 💪
 
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