Pride and joy

I am 35 years old, married with no kids (yet), and have been struggling with compulsive porn use at least since I was 18.

My main reason for quitting porn is to improve my relationship with my wife, by focusing my sexual energy on her and improving my PIED.
I also hope that it will make me feel better and more secure in myself - closer to the type of man I want to be.

I've had ups and downs. Some periods when I used porn more and some periods when I used it less.
PIED set in almost immediately. It wasn't always so bad, but I remember struggling sometimes to get good erections with girls in college.
My addiction was worst when I was in my early and mid-twenties. I lived alone and used porn every day, sometimes binging for hours.
My PIED meant I often didn't even try to meet real women. It was easier to watch porn, but that just made the PIED worse, creating a vicious cycle.

In my late twenties, I started to make more of an effort to quit.
Around 2018-2019, I didn't use it for a long time. I can't remember exactly how long, but I think it was around 8 or 9 months.
I remember feeling very confident and sociable at that time. It was also when I met my wife (perhaps not a coincidence?).

But at some point, I started watching porn again, and I haven't been able to build a long streak again.
My wife often spends time at her mother's, leaving me alone in the house. I'm self-employed and work alone on a computer.
Porn and procrastination in general are huge temptations. Every time I relapse, I feel so much regret for setting myself back.

In particular, we are trying for a child, and I often can't finish inside my wife.
She knows about my struggles. Obviously, she knows it's serious, but I don't think she understands it at a deep level.
That's part of why I'm joining this forum. To connect with other men going through similar struggles.
It makes me ashamed to even write it, but sometimes when I can't finish with my wife, I get myself off, finish in a cup, and use a syringe to squirt it inside her.

To any younger men reading this, my advice is: stop using porn TODAY.
Don't be like me - struggling to have a child with my wife because of 15+ years of compulsive porn use.

So, this is my journal. I've made countless attempts to quit in the past, but I'm hoping this time will be different.
I am more concerned with long-term progress than counting days, but I do think streaks can be useful for measuring progress in a simple way.

I used porn yesterday, so today is day 1 of not using porn.
My triggers yesterday were:
> My wife being away
> Stress from having a lot of work
> Putting off work by procrastinating on the internet
> The procrastination then became risky searches, and then a relapse

One final note, the title of my journal is the name of a song by BB King. It happened to be playing when I created this post. He's one of my favorite guitarists.
I hope it doesn't sound too depressing. I do have the blues about what I've written above, but I'm also reminding myself that this is a day-by-day effort.

I'm sending my support to my brothers in this struggle around the world. It's a difficult path, but at least we have some company for the journey ahead.
 
Day 2 of not using porn

Thank you for your support Thanatos and Chuckles!

Today has been a good day. I went skiing in the morning and worked in the afternoon.
I've had no urges to look at porn. Getting some fresh air in the morning certainly helped, but I know I'm also still riding the momentum of signing up to this forum.
I've been here before. I know that tough days lie ahead, but for now, everything is smooth sailing.
 
Day 3 of not using porn

Mixed feelings today. I had an argument with my wife about something unrelated to sex & porn.
It resulted in some negative feelings, but I didn't feel any urge to escape to porn like I might have done usually... So I guess that's a positive?
I know I'm still riding the initial resolve though. I hope I can keep this momentum going as long as possible.
 
Happy Valentine's Day, my porn-free brothers!

Day 4 of not using porn.

Still going strong. I struggled somewhat with concentration at work, but managed to (mostly) avoid procrastination and get a lot done.
I also had sex with my wife this morning. No PIED :D But as I wrote before, it has always come and gone.
I am looking more for consistency than one-off good experiences.

For me personally, there is some sort of link between procrastination online and porn. In particular, I have wasted a lot of time on Reddit.
I am not sure of the exact nature of the connection, but the feeling of browsing posts is a little similar to opening lots of tabs on porn sites for me (but not as intense and nowhere near as harmful).
I think it's a dopamine thing.

But I struggle with this, because there is useful information on niche subreddits so I don't want to cut it out completely.
I am going to try only looking at Reddit once a week (or maybe once every two weeks), and then just catching up on posts on certain subreddits.
Has anyone been successful in reducing non-porn-related online procrastination in this way?

I am reading Dopamine Nation, which I saw recommended by Chuckles in another post.
It's very interesting, and relevant to this topic. I will probably quote some relevant passages once I have finished.

Stay strong brothers!
 
D

Deleted member 26092

Guest
Has anyone been successful in reducing non-porn-related online procrastination in this way?
I have. I was an active user of Reddit, Youtube, and whatever else was out there. I was looking for new things to watch or read several times a day. I wanted to escape because let's face it, even though there are very interesting things to be involved with on the internet, you get lost there and miss your real life. I wanted to spend my free time working out, consciously watching movies, reading books or playing games and not just waste it.
So I installed ColdTurkeyBlocker on my laptop and blocked websites I used only for entertainment, like Reddit, YouTube, certain gaming and soccer sites. On Fridays, I disable the block, and I'm allowed to access anything I've "missed" until Sunday (Even though I'd like to limit the days more).
I've also deleted all the time-wasting apps like Reddit and YouTube on my phone, and again blocked certain sites, so I don't use Safari as much anymore - it basically just serves as a communication and information tool, and I'll never change it back (my daily screen time is about 20 minutes).
I also disabled my smart TV's network - so if I want to watch Netflix, for example, I have to turn on my Playstation, so it's not as convenient to engage with this stuff anymore.
That's about it, I think. In the last 4 weeks, I've learned that I don't need to know everything right away. I actually always look forward to catching up on the weekends. And a big win in that regard is that I'm much more intentional about what I choose to engage with. For example, I had an app that sent me notifications about football-related things like interviews, headlines, and so on. That used to pull me away from what I was doing in real life. Nowadays on fridays I quickly read the headlines from the past week and decide what I really want to engage with.
It's like I've taken back control, whereas the Internet used to control me. Your attention is valuable and it's important to treat it as such. Things are going pretty well for me, and I hope I was able to help you a little.

P.S. Thanks for the tip on Dopamine Nation.
 
Day 5 of not using porn

Thanks for your replies Thanatos and Fappy!

Fappy, I definitely agree. Procrastination that leads to NSFW content on sites like Reddit has been a big trigger for me in the past.
I think it's good to work on reducing the time I spend on these platforms at the same time as I eliminate porn from my life.

Thanatos, wow, that is super helpful. This is the first time I've heard of ColdTurkeyBlocker but it looks perfect.
I already downloaded it and blocked Reddit until the weekend. I like the fact that it looks very difficult to disable.
When I've used blockers in the past, I always found myself attempting to "game" them and get round the blocks.
Or disabling them temporarily and "forgetting" to turn them back on. But ColdTurkeyBlocker looks good.
I'll let you know how I get on!

Anyway today was a good day. I went snowboarding in the morning, which helped clear my head.
But I have a lot of work and stress levels are high.
I've been coping well so far, but the next few days are going to be tough, so I feel I need to be extra vigilant of potential triggers.
 
(Yesterday was) day 6 of not using porn

I was too busy with work yesterday to post, but I successfully stayed off porn for another day.
If I make it through today, it'll be one week without using :)

I have a lot of stress at the moment - the same argument I had with my wife a few days ago flared up again (unrelated to sex & porn - in fact, it is related to a compulsive behavior of hers).
I also have a crazy amount of work, although I think I'm over the worst of it.

I've been struggling with some urges. It's tough just reading news articles etc. and other content that should be innocuous but has pictures of attractive women etc.
But I'm still in the game 💪

I am quoting this post from logicprox I saw in a different thread
No amount of porn will put that hot girl in my actual bed with me, or any other girl from the porn, or from my fantasies. It is literally nothing. An illusion. We can't waste time on illusion. Illusioin will never satisfy, it always leaves you still wishing you had the actual girl with you, so what the hell is the point? If we want that hot girl in real life, porn is barking up the wrong tree.

This is really true to me. I'll be keeping this thought in mind today.
What's the point using porn to fantasize about great sex, if the act of fantasizing itself prevents us from having that great sex?
 
Day 7 of not using porn

One week down!
Feels like a nice little achievement.

It hasn't been totally easy, but it hasn't been too difficult either.
But I'm expecting the real tough times to start from around day 10.

"No amount of porn will put that hot girl in my actual bed with me"
Damn. I guess I hadn't thought of it this way. And the hot girl in bed is infinitely better.

Yeah, I think logicprox really summed it up well.
You can read about the struggles I've had conceiving with my wife in my first journal entry.
But the crazy thing is, I got off a lot to
creampie
porn.
Then when it comes to the real deal, I can't actually do it because of all the porn I watch - despite fantasizing about it and wanting to!
This addiction is so fucked up and crazy. I don't know if I will ever be 100% healed, but I'm gonna try! 💪
 

Jswizzle

Active Member
I am 35 years old, married with no kids (yet), and have been struggling with compulsive porn use at least since I was 18.

My main reason for quitting porn is to improve my relationship with my wife, by focusing my sexual energy on her and improving my PIED.
I also hope that it will make me feel better and more secure in myself - closer to the type of man I want to be.

I've had ups and downs. Some periods when I used porn more and some periods when I used it less.
PIED set in almost immediately. It wasn't always so bad, but I remember struggling sometimes to get good erections with girls in college.
My addiction was worst when I was in my early and mid-twenties. I lived alone and used porn every day, sometimes binging for hours.
My PIED meant I often didn't even try to meet real women. It was easier to watch porn, but that just made the PIED worse, creating a vicious cycle.

In my late twenties, I started to make more of an effort to quit.
Around 2018-2019, I didn't use it for a long time. I can't remember exactly how long, but I think it was around 8 or 9 months.
I remember feeling very confident and sociable at that time. It was also when I met my wife (perhaps not a coincidence?).

But at some point, I started watching porn again, and I haven't been able to build a long streak again.
My wife often spends time at her mother's, leaving me alone in the house. I'm self-employed and work alone on a computer.
Porn and procrastination in general are huge temptations. Every time I relapse, I feel so much regret for setting myself back.

In particular, we are trying for a child, and I often can't finish inside my wife.
She knows about my struggles. Obviously, she knows it's serious, but I don't think she understands it at a deep level.
That's part of why I'm joining this forum. To connect with other men going through similar struggles.
It makes me ashamed to even write it, but sometimes when I can't finish with my wife, I get myself off, finish in a cup, and use a syringe to squirt it inside her.

To any younger men reading this, my advice is: stop using porn TODAY.
Don't be like me - struggling to have a child with my wife because of 15+ years of compulsive porn use.

So, this is my journal. I've made countless attempts to quit in the past, but I'm hoping this time will be different.
I am more concerned with long-term progress than counting days, but I do think streaks can be useful for measuring progress in a simple way.

I used porn yesterday, so today is day 1 of not using porn.
My triggers yesterday were:
> My wife being away
> Stress from having a lot of work
> Putting off work by procrastinating on the internet
> The procrastination then became risky searches, and then a relapse

One final note, the title of my journal is the name of a song by BB King. It happened to be playing when I created this post. He's one of my favorite guitarists.
I hope it doesn't sound too depressing. I do have the blues about what I've written above, but I'm also reminding myself that this is a day-by-day effort.

I'm sending my support to my brothers in this struggle around the world. It's a difficult path, but at least we have some company for the journey ahead.
Good morning!

Welcome to the fold brother. Glad you are here. Relating a lot to what you have expressed. I was 34-35 when my wife and I were able to conceive. Married since 2004. Willing to support you any way that I can. Just hit 60 days porn free since I was 13 years old. You can do it. I find it refreshing to be able to relate to do many men who dare to stand up and admit porn is a problem. Following your thread. God speed.

AF
 
Day 8 of not using porn

Thank you for the kind words Jswizzle. It's my first time trying to quit with support from a forum like this and I'm finding it a great help.
It's really inspiring reading all the different journals from men in all sorts of different situations, but all battling the same issue.
60 days is an amazing achievement too - I'll be reading your journal and seeing what I can learn!

I've got a lot of work on today and tomorrow, and I haven't had time to go outside and get any fresh air (except time spent clearing snow).
I don't like this feeling - makes me nervous about procrastination and risky searches.
Can't wait till I get this work done and I can get out and get some proper exercise.

Sending support to any brothers reading this. I want to comment on people's journals more but just haven't had the time.
But the community is definitely a big help. Stay strong everyone!
 

Chuckles

Active Member
Day 8 of not using porn

Thank you for the kind words Jswizzle. It's my first time trying to quit with support from a forum like this and I'm finding it a great help.
It's really inspiring reading all the different journals from men in all sorts of different situations, but all battling the same issue.
60 days is an amazing achievement too - I'll be reading your journal and seeing what I can learn!

I've got a lot of work on today and tomorrow, and I haven't had time to go outside and get any fresh air (except time spent clearing snow).
I don't like this feeling - makes me nervous about procrastination and risky searches.
Can't wait till I get this work done and I can get out and get some proper exercise.

Sending support to any brothers reading this. I want to comment on people's journals more but just haven't had the time.
But the community is definitely a big help. Stay strong everyone!
After a week on the forum, I feel like I was foolish to think I could tackle this without a support network. Like I wouldn't expect someone to quit smoking or gambling without help.
It's a good community
 
Day 9 of not using porn

Chuckles - definitely agree. I am approaching this reboot differently to my past attempts. It's still early days but it feels very different.

Slept in today. I guess my body was tired from all the late nights working.
Then I had MW and some serious urges, but powered through.

I'm gonna be tired tomorrow, but it'll be the first day in a while I can get outside and get some real exercise.
Can't wait :)

Still want to contribute more to people's journals, but just checking in for now to report on another porn-free day.
 
Day 10 of not using porn

Today was a great day.
Managed to get out and spend most of the day on the ski slope.
Conditions were perfect. I was really going for it and my legs were burning.
Felt so lucky to live in a place where I can get out and enjoy the mountains.

I was thinking about snowboarding as a metaphor for our journey to become porn-free.
As anyone who does board sports knows, we all have a stance that feels "natural" to us.
E.g. right foot back/left foot forward, or the reverse.
The opposite of our "natural" stance is our "switch" stance.

In snowboarding, it's easy to go everywhere in your natural stance.
At first, riding switch feels awkward and wrong, but if you make the effort, it gets easier.
Once you can go back and forth between switch and natural, snowboarding becomes more fun.
You can do more tricks, take new lines, and feel freer on your board.

With porn, I was stuck in my "natural" stance. I could only do things one way - the easy way.
Usually that meant giving in to PMO.

But now I'm riding switch. I'm making a conscious effort to do things the difficult way.
It's tough, but I'm hoping it'll get easier with time and practice.
And I know I'll be a better, freer man because of it.

Next target: 2 weeks (14 days)
 
Day 11 of not using porn

Today was mostly a good day.
Work stress continues - should be better after this week though.
Felt a strong pull to procrastinate. Actually ended up reading lots of posts on here.
I haven't been on Reddit now for around 10 days (just less than I've not been using porn).
I installed ColdTurkeyBlocker based on Thanatos' recommendation and it seems to be working well.

Had sex with my wife too.
Again, no PIED, but I think having a week or so of pent-up energy helped.
Felt worries about DE creeping in, but I managed to bring myself back to the moment and finished just fine.

Onto day 12. Sending support to any porn-free brothers around the world reading this.
Let's never lose sight of the fact that we're taking on this difficult challenge to make a positive change in our lives.
 
Day 12 of not using porn

Mostly a good day.
Lots of work and life stress.
Super tired after not much sleep last night.
Also my car broke down so now it's in the shop. Don't know how much repairs are going to cost.

But weirdly I didn't feel much urge to look at porn today.
Before this reboot the stress would definitely have pushed me toward porn on a day like today.
Honestly no idea why I had so few urges, but it felt good to be able to concentrate on my work.
 
Day 0 of not using porn 😞

Made it through day 13 okay.
Today would have been day 14 but I relapsed.
I'll explain below - it may be TMI, so apologies in advance.

As mentioned in my first journal post, my wife and I are trying to conceive.
She entered her fertile window so we decided to have sex.
But I was super busy with work and only got 3-4 hours sleep (5-6 hours per night for the past week so I'm totally sleep deprived).
In the morning I was able to get it up and we started having sex, but I could feel I wasn't 100% hard and wouldn't be able to finish.
She also has a cold so tbh I got the sense she wasn't that into it today.
Although I got very aroused just looking at her and did get harder (I guess that's one positive thing amid this mess).

(I do have pills but didn't take any today as I was hoping it would be okay without them - maybe that was a mistake.
Not sure, but they don't help with DE, so I don't think they would've been much use)

So I went to the other room to jerk off into a cup like I wrote in my first post.
I hate doing this. It feels so emasculating.
But I couldn't get hard again. So I made a decision to look at porn. I honestly didn't want to but felt I had to do something.
The weird thing was, I didn't even get totally hard to the porn, and was at probably 80% when I came.
Despite all the issues I've had with PIED, it's very very rare that I can't get hard to porn when I'm on my own so it was kind of surprising.

Anyway I feel pretty down about it.
Part of me wants to tell myself it was a combination of factors:
> Tiredness
> Wife not being that into it
> Pressure of trying to conceive (actually this is a big one for me)
+ PIED of course

But part of me also just wants to own this and count it as full-blown relapse (it was definitely PMO).
So I have many conflicting feelings.

Tbh the next few days are gonna be tough
I'm gonna try to go to bed earlier tonight, but if I can't perform again, I may have to choose between PMO or miss the chance to conceive this month (we've missed a few months already for similar reasons)
I am still on this journey, still riding switch as I put it in my post a few days ago
But maybe I have to accept that I can't accumulate streaks of more than a few weeks while I battle my performance issues
(100% the result of my own past actions and I completely own that)
If I am ever able to get my wife pregnant, I think I'm gonna try doing hard mode
Not sure if I'll be able to do it, but my intention is a full sexual reset
(Although I've got nearly two decades of compulsive porn use behind me, so who knows if I can ever heal completely)

Honestly, this addiction has been probably the single most negative thing in my adult life
It severely affected my confidence with women, starting when I was in college
I remember going out to bars and clubs with friends and actually hoping I DIDN'T meet anyone
I deliberately didn't pursue relationships with women that I knew would've been into it
I feel like I've never been able to just relax and enjoy sex like I want to
And now here I am, married and jerking off into a cup like a loser because I can't finish inside my wife
It's stupid too - I am literally looking at pictures of naked women on my phone when there is a real (attractive) naked woman in my bed

I'm sure I don't need to say it, but to any younger guys trying to quit porn - make the effort now!
Don't be like me. You will thank yourself later.

Anyway, sorry for the rambling. Just feeling very frustrated atm.
The journals of all the guys on here are a big help to let me know I'm not alone in this. So thank you to this community.
I may be quiet for the next couple of days - don't know. I'll see if I feel like posting.
But I'll definitely be back once this fertile period is over and the pressure is off.
Sending you all support in your own battles
 
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