Pride and joy

[Chuckles]

Good luck with it! That does sound stressful, and conflicting. Something to consider: give yourself a "Cheat day" but with heavy restrictions. Only for the sake of conceiving, only with her permission, only during the fertile window. IDK if you'd consider asking, but maybe she's okay with you watching porn during sex? Like just as a transition, until you've broken your block? Or maybe that's too much to ask and it would turn her off.

 

[particularly_respecting]

Thank you for your thoughtful reply Chuckles. That means a lot
I can see the logic behind what you say, but I don't think bringing porn into the bedroom is the right solution
I don't think my wife would like it, and even for me, I want to end the "porn chapter" of my life forever

I think the cheat day thing is the most realistic solution at this point
I will try not to engage in any PM (O is okay so long as it's with my wife) outside of her fertile window
During the fertile window I will do whatever I need to do to get through this, then focus on the improvements I want to make in my own life later.

Btw I got 8 hours sleep last night then had sex with my wife without issue today
Absolutely PIED is the single biggest factor here, and that is 100% the result of my own faults and behavior up to this point
But physical tiredness also seems to make a big difference for me.
Thankfully work should be easier from next week so I will focus on taking care of myself as part of my battle against the addiction

Thank you again for taking the time to reply

 

[particularly_respecting]

Day 2 of not using porn

Couldn't finish with my wife again so I jerked off into a cup again
But this time I just used my imagination, no porn

I guess we are about done for this fertile window.
One relapse (PMO), one good sexual experience, one DE (resulting in MO)
Not great but now I can focus on my reboot again

Work stress
+ stress related to money and car
(basically need to get a new car, which I hadn't planned for)
But I went snowboarding this morning and haven't looked at porn for a couple of days, so overall I can't complain

Next target - 3 days (tomorrow)

Also, I haven't looked at Reddit for two weeks, which is a nice bonus.
ColdTurkeyBlocker is working out great, so thank you again @Thanatos

 

[particularly_respecting]

Day 3 of not using porn

Achieved my target

Lots of work today
Had strong urges but actually having lots of work went in my favor because I didn't have time to get distracted
Work should start getting easier from tomorrow
Although my wife is going to her mother's
I'll be alone in the house, possibly with more free time

This could be dangerous but I will be extra vigilant
My plan is to get my guitar out of storage (haven't played for a year or so )
I will just pick it up when I start to feel urges or strong distractions/boredom
I will also try to limit screen time - e.g. read a book at night instead of watching a tv show

Next target: 1 week

 

[Deleted member 27008]

I didn't read all of your diary. I saw your last few messages. I got a general idea about your story. Thank you for sharing your experience with us.
I'm also a single man who will soon turn 26. I introduced myself in more detail in my diary. I really want to have a happy family in the future. One of the biggest reasons I restarted.
I want to be a good father and wife. I knew the harm that pmo did in this regard. But the stories shared by people like you are more effective. These experiences will be a source of motivation and a good lesson for younger and single men than you.
Your warning to the young men a few messages ago is really valuable. Thank you. I hope this will sort things out and you'll have a child. I will pray for you and your wife.

 

[particularly_respecting]

Thank you for your message @Resurrection!

Yes - I feel sad that my own destructive and compulsive behavior robbed me of the joyous experience of conceiving "normally" with my wife
I wish I had worked more on myself before getting married
I strongly advise any younger or single men who are struggling with this but want to start a family in future to do everything they can to change their ways now

It makes me feel good to think that maybe this will help some people reading
The fact that you are on these forums at 26 is already a great sign
(That was when I was still deep into my addiction!)

 

[schiaffino89]

Thank you for your message @Resurrection!

Yes - I feel sad that my own destructive and compulsive behavior robbed me of the joyous experience of conceiving "normally" with my wife
I wish I had worked more on myself before getting married
I strongly advise any younger or single men who are struggling with this but want to start a family in future to do everything they can to change their ways now

It makes me feel good to think that maybe this will help some people reading
The fact that you are on these forums at 26 is already a great sign
(That was when I was still deep into my addiction!)

Hey Buddy! I had just sent a response saying that we haven't heard from you today, I hope your day was good, I read that your wife wouldn't be home today, how did that go?

 

[particularly_respecting]

Day 4 of not using porn

Thanks for your message @schiaffino89 - that means a lot!
Yes my wife is away atm but I have been very busy
It's actually been a good thing because I haven't had time for procrastination

Tomorrow will be tougher but if I get through that she's back on Weds
I still have plenty to do so it's just a case of keeping focused and reaching for my guitar if I feel the urges

Sending you all support in your own battles
Let's remember we are doing this to better ourselves and the pain now will be worth it in future!

 

[Chuckles]

I know that has to be difficult for you. I admire that you've been able to keep to it. Keep it up!

 

[particularly_respecting]

Day 5 of not using porn

Thank you @Chuckles - I appreciate your kind words!

Managed to spend a large part of today outside
Now I am behind with work but I still think it helped to get some fresh air

In the last few days I found out I need to replace my computer
We also suffered some damage to our house, so I will need to get that fixed once the snow melts
My car is also on its last legs so I am getting a new one
Can't believe how much is going wrong/breaking around me
Writing it all out like this sounds like a joke

But it does seem that staying off porn and procrastinating less on the internet is helping my mood
Pretty sure I would have relapsed multiple times already if all this happened a few months ago

Wife is back tomorrow and it's always easier when she's around

Two days till target (7 days)

 

[Coming_Out_Strong]

Hey man. I like how you're breaking the streak down into smaller goals. That seems like an effective way to continue an endless streak. Continuing to keep fighting!!!

 

[particularly_respecting]

Day 6 of not using porn

Thank you @Coming_Out_Strong !
Actually I am using the targets from the Quitzilla app
It goes 24 hours - 3 days - 1 week - 10 days - 2 weeks - 1 month - 3 months - 6 months - 1 year - 5 years

Now that you mention it - I am making a promise to myself
If I stay off PMO for:
> 10 days, I will get myself a book I want
> 1 month, I will get myself a monitor arm
> 3 months, I will get myself a second monitor
> 1 year, I will get myself a new guitar
(okay last one especially will be tough)

Very busy with work now
But wife is back so I can focus my energy on her

If I make it through tomorrow I'll hit 7 days (one week) of not using
Stay strong brothers!

 

[Coming_Out_Strong]

Day 6 of not using porn

Thank you @Coming_Out_Strong !
Actually I am using the targets from the Quitzilla app
It goes 24 hours - 3 days - 1 week - 10 days - 2 weeks - 1 month - 3 months - 6 months - 1 year - 5 years

Now that you mention it - I am making a promise to myself
If I stay off PMO for:
> 10 days, I will get myself a book I want
> 1 month, I will get myself a monitor arm
> 3 months, I will get myself a second monitor
> 1 year, I will get myself a new guitar
(okay last one especially will be tough)

Very busy with work now
But wife is back so I can focus my energy on her

If I make it through tomorrow I'll hit 7 days (one week) of not using
Stay strong brothers!

I really like the Quitzilla app. Thats what I've been using and have about 4 different counters running on it. Its nice to know your progress is being tracked without having to consciously keep track

 

[particularly_respecting]

Day 7 of not using porn

Hit my target

@Coming_Out_Strong thank you - yes I like it too.
I added a widget to my homescreen so it reminds me of the process even when I'm not looking for it
In the past, I often had relapses when I got complacent
E.g. hit a few weeks then ease off on conscious recovery because I thought I was on the right track
This time I am trying to keep the process in the forefront of my mind for longer

Busy day today with some urges, but nothing too troubling
Perhaps because I have a lot of other things going on with work etc.

Next target: 10 days
If I hit this I'm getting myself a book to celebrate

 

[Coming_Out_Strong]

When you hit your 10 day mark look into David Goggins "Can't Hurt Me". Its a very good read for the journey we are on. Along with many other books. Reading is definitely good for the brain after many years of watching porn and rebooting/rewiring imo.

 

[particularly_respecting]

Day 8 of not using porn

Thanks @Coming_Out_Strong !
Yes I've heard of this book and listened to him on podcasts but never read it
It's on Scribd (subscription service) so I might just start reading it
If it's been helpful for you then I'm sure it's worth a shot!

I'm interested in other recommendations for personal development/self-help books
I've read a bunch over the years - most of them have some useful lessons
But I've never found one that really clicked with me
(Atm I'm reading Stop Doing That Sh*t by Gary John Bishop)

Super tired today after a late night working
It was gonna be a stressful day with a tight deadline
But one of my clients messed up their order so it was a much shorter job than expected
Really needed that today - couldn't have come at a better time

Day 9 tomorrow then just one more day till day 10

 

[particularly_respecting]

Day 9 of not using porn

Good day today - spent most of it skiing
Felt great to get some fresh air and exercise and enjoy the mountains

Been up and about for most of the day so haven't had much time for urges/temptation

Next week is gonna be tough but for now I'm just focusing on getting through tomorrow
Stay strong brothers

 

[particularly_respecting]

Day 10 of not using porn!

Hit my target - yeah! I know it's arbitrary but actually feels pretty good
Already got myself a book to celebrate - a programming book because I am a geek

I also started reading David Goggins "Can't Hurt Me"
Thanks for the recommendation @Coming_Out_Strong
I've only read a couple of chapters, but I like it - it's different to how I imagined it, more autobiographical

Just working today, but was pretty productive
Barely procrastinated - maybe 20 mins max, which is great for me
Still early days, but maybe this reboot is having a positive effect

But wife is going away tomorrow so this will be a test
Plan is the same as last week
Try to get outside for exercise if possible (though I'll be busy with work)
Keep screentime to a minimum (eg read book instead of watching TV at night)
Keep guitar nearby and pick it up if I feel the urges

Next target: 14 days (2 weeks)

 

[Blondie]

You're doing a great job! 2 weeks is just right around the corner!

 

[logicprox]

Day 10 of not using porn!

Hit my target - yeah! I know it's arbitrary but actually feels pretty good
Already got myself a book to celebrate - a programming book because I am a geek

I also started reading David Goggins "Can't Hurt Me"
Thanks for the recommendation @Coming_Out_Strong
I've only read a couple of chapters, but I like it - it's different to how I imagined it, more autobiographical

Just working today, but was pretty productive
Barely procrastinated - maybe 20 mins max, which is great for me
Still early days, but maybe this reboot is having a positive effect

But wife is going away tomorrow so this will be a test
Plan is the same as last week
Try to get outside for exercise if possible (though I'll be busy with work)
Keep screentime to a minimum (eg read book instead of watching TV at night)
Keep guitar nearby and pick it up if I feel the urges

Next target: 14 days (2 weeks)

As you get further into the book he talks a lot more about the mental aspect of pushing through things and disregarding what your brain and body are telling you, which is what I found really relevant since at the end of the day, overcoming an addiction or compulsive behavior involves a lot of disregarding what your brain and body are telling you.

I also found that it motivated me to make more of my life, which also motivated me to stop wasting life on porn.