Day 2 of not using porn
Thank you for your support
@Blondie,
@Phineas 808,
@downhillfromhere, and
@Ezel
I've said it before but I'll say it again
The supportive community is what makes this place so great
If it wasn't for RN, I would probably have just started regular PMO again after relapsing
Until I reached breaking point and decided to stop - rinse and repeat every 6 months or so
Instead I am back here posting again and still trying to quit. So in that sense it is an improvement
Ezel, yeah there were two main factors:
> work stress (big underlying cause)
> triggering image I saw by accident earlier in the day that was difficult to forget about (short-term immediate cause)
Regarding the work stress, I am trying to change this but it takes time
I put a week off in my schedule next month, and have also booked one day off a week every week
Not sure how much clients will respect that, and it can be difficult to turn them down
Again though - this is an area where I am making changes so I hope it will get better over time
downhill and Blondie - exactly right about this pattern of risky searches
I have now used coldturkeyblocker to block searches without the "safe search" parameter
I am also blocking reddit and youtube (actually that has been a success for me - have seen great improvement in focus over the past 3 months)
It is not perfect but it might make me pause next time in the moment
I like your advice too Blondie about thinking about what I gained from porn
Sounds counterintuitive but I can see it being helpful as you describe
I will try this (probably I will come up with "momentary escape from stress" and think about other ways to cope)
Phineas thank you also for the extra information - I have read a lot of self-help books etc. over the years and even Alan Watts, etc. (as mentioned), but have never gone deep into mindfulness so maybe it would be a good avenue to explore
Thank you again for your supportive comments
Urges were low again today - guess it's a blessing I don't seem to have much of a chaser effect this time
Good focus at work (though again, might've been driven more by being busy and not having much choice)
Did my chinups, will do reading and recovery before bed
Wife is away but (thankfully) back tomorrow
Stay strong RN community
Damn this road is tough - feel like I'm crawling along on hands and knees
But determined to make it somehow