Optimistic for the future!

Hey everyone,

I'm so glad I came across this site. I had one of those situations which my younger self would have dreamed about, but once I was with her and in the days after I noticed something which, as I'm sure with many of you, was alarming! More on that later, first a background.

I'm in my late 30s, I've been a regular porn watcher at least 30 minutes, almost nightly for at least 3-4 years. Had I known how much it'd fuck me up, I'd never of started. Reading through this forum had me saying, "Holy fuck, that's happening to me!" to say it's concerning is an understatement. But I need to fix this and I'm motivated because I want to perform for her.

So story time:
I had been seeing this girl for massages, non sexual, professional kind, for a year. I was into her from the first time I met her, but I kept it professional. This year, at the behest of a friend, I decided to take a leap. I flirted a bit with her at my latest massage, she was receptive. A few days later I hit her up on social media and what started as a little flirt turned into her making the first sexual innuendo so I knew there might be something there. About 36h later and some more chatting, she had invited me over. When I got in the door she just about pounced and it was on. However, I noticed that after the initial high, things didn't feel quite the same. Here was this sexy, beautiful woman, totally into me and fuck me, after 30 minutes in bed, my junk only wanted to get 60% hard with only being full for about 15 minutes at a time after. The worst bit, I wanted to orgasm, but couldn't. It wasn't until another BJ and using my damn hand that I finally did. She still said it was the best sex she had, but I knew there was a problem.

At first I blamed it on the condom or maybe because the relationship it was rushed. Truth is, I didn't know, until I came here and found similar stories.

I was last with a girl in October, but it was a one night stand and alcohol involved so I don't recall much of the sex. Before that, other one night stands.

So now it's a week after that first encounter, she's going on a trip and then I'm going on one so we won't be together again until a month out. The sexting is strong though and we're both really into each other. But I've noticed that while I can easily sprout wood when she says the right thing, keeping it up is not like when I'd watch porn. I've tried masturbating while sexting but I'm hitting the same issue I had in bed with her where I start going soft.

I guess it's a good thing we're on a "break" from each other because it'd be embarrassing for this to happen in bed again. So I stopped porn watching a week ago, the day before I was with her. After reading on this site what guys are going through and how for some the drive, passion, and rock-hard erections come back in a few weeks of quitting, I'm optimistic. I think I'll cut out masturbation for now too and hope that by quiting both, I'll be on the road to a better sex life.

Thank you for reading.


Active Member
Yeah my personal advice, take it or leave it, make the commitment now. At the very least commit to no P no MO until you see her again.
But maybe have a more concrete plan outside that too? If you want this to be a lifelong change instead of just a right now change, ya know?
Whatever you decide I'm happy for you and a little jealous
Thanks brother, you're right that I need to have a long term goal. No P ever and no MO outside of when I'm with her seems like a good place to start.

Approaching 2 weeks now.

Any of you had bad blue balls? I've had it twice this week from chatting with her but no release. I had to take a near icebath to fix it. Amazing how excruciating it can be, I had forgotten. I haven't had it this bad since college when my then gf would get me going over text at all hours of the day and delayed release then.

No P, no MO so far. Early in the week I was getting constant boners, waking up with 2am morning wood. That's levelled off now. The blue balls is what kills me though, I hope it doesn't continue, but as long as the stimulation is there from her, it probably will.