To be a better version of myself.

Chuckles

Active Member
As far as MO -> PMO, I personally was able to stop P while maintaining MO. But for me I had to fantasize about my past sexual encounters, and that might present a problem for you. If you think about her, you'll feel more compelled to try to get in bed with her again. If you think about someone else, that's cheating adjacent. If you think about porn... well don't do that, that's a terrible idea.

I am by no means an expert in dating or wooing, but if you want advice...
She fell in love with you for a reason. Remember who you were when you met, and what she fell for. Channel that guy. You'll probably get bonus points if you can recreate one of your first dates or magic moments.
I suspect she'll be attracted to watching you become a better man. For yourself AND for her. Not just one or the other. Women like men who have their own thing going on, with enough room for someone else. Too much room is too needy/clingy. Not enough is aloof and uncaring.

You set a goal for yourself. Focus on that goal. She'll notice

edit: To be clear, men like those kinds of women too, that have enough of their own thing going on. I might have come off sexist there.
 
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Chuckles

Active Member
Also, what did you commit to? Like did you set a specific hard mode day amount? A specific timeline for how long you wouldn't MO, wouldn't P? Did you commit to not having sex with your wife for an amount of time? Just a suggestion to bring it up with her. Something like "I want to give my brain a chance to reset, so I'm not going to have sex or masturbate until xx/xx, and will wait until xx/xx to see if I can even watch porn without it becoming a problem" It might help you stick to a goal if you make it concrete and share it with her.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Hi burnside, I'm glad things are going well for you. 11 days, that's fucking great man! I'm glad to hear the good news about you and your wife's relationship getting better.

As far as courting her again. Each couple has their "thing" that no one else could do or know about, besides you and her. But hell, here's what I did, when trying to make amends with my lady. I try to do these things anyways, but I made sure to really hit it hard during the months afterwards.
1. Listen. Become the greatest listener known to man, but with a twinkle in your eye, and trouble around the corner. Listen doubly so if there's other women around. Listen with zero like focus on your lady, returning questions of what she said in your own words, showing you've listened to her heart and soul. Who is this amazing woman that is siting in front of you, and who has decided to share her life with you? What an amazing thing to be in her presence! Does she feel that? She should, especially right now. Ask her about her dreams, and encourage her often about goals she's trying to accomplish, and let her know you'll be there for her.
2. Be sexual, but never needy. I know you're not having sex right now, but that's even better. Seducing you wife or partner is not about sex, it's about everything that comes before the act. Thus, seduce the hell out of your wife like your life depends on it! Write her love letters, leave a rose on her car before work, hold her hand in public, kiss her like it's your first date, etc. Be the charming little boy, who is always laughing, and never taking himself seriously. Seducing is an art. Thus, learn its every note by heart, and play it till your hands are tired.
3. Take her on a date. And as Chuckles mentioned above, maybe recreate your first date! That's a great idea.
4. Let her see that you are working overtime on yourself, working out, maybe getting in shape, etc., so as she can fall in love with the man she loved/ loves. There's nothing more attractive than seeing your partner working on themselves and fixing their own problems. I know I love seeing my girl doing that!

That's all I can think of for now. Nothing really amazing, just standard advice. Either way, good luck, and great job on your decision and the progress your making!
 

Burnside627

Member
Day 12

had a couples therapy session tonight with my wife. We have been discussing our basic life and getting back to basics and trying to create more structure. We speak with my therapist that helps with my issues.

I appreciate what you guys( @Blondie and @Chuckles ) said about courting my wife. Great ideas and @Blondie so you know the sex this isn’t going to happen at the moment. But I can try to be sexy for her. Make her desire me like the way I desire to PMO, but in a healthy way.

@Chuckles I never did set a goal for myself. I am going to commit to definitely 90 days no PMO. I want to see where that takes me. Right now I am feeling good outside of being tired from just being tired. I feel more motivated.

like any addiction I am tempted, but have put enough roadblocks in my way. I want to be a better version of myself. What is crazy about this addiction is that it is so easy to hide. If you have a decent enough excuse you can feed it. That is one of my issues. I no longer do things to self sabotage.
 

Chuckles

Active Member
What is crazy about this addiction is that it is so easy to hide. If you have a decent enough excuse you can feed it.
This. I think we've all been training ourselves since puberty to hide it. And also told that everyone is doing it. So weird.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Great ideas and @Blondie so you know the sex this isn’t going to happen at the moment. But I can try to be sexy for her. Make her desire me like the way I desire to PMO, but in a healthy way.
Absolutely! That's what I was trying to say. There's many things you can do without actually having sex.

You're doing great! Keep up the good work.
 

Burnside627

Member
Day 13 2/25 and Day 14 2/26 Day 15 2-27

man the weekend has flew by. Work was going along and just tuned out porn. Yesterday didn’t plan on going into work, but since I was out afterwards got a lot of stuff done. Fast forward today. I am keeping myself busy/distracted and just kicking ass.

My wife and older daughter went out so I just hit up every chore that I can think of and just went after it. My younger daughter is still home with me which gives me a very good reason not to PMO. Before if my wife went out with our daughters it was carte blanche for me to indulge in my addiction for as long as I liked. I would get nothing done in the house. Nothing that I really cared to take care of anyway. I just focused on myself and my pleasure.

the best part was she never knew it. I would do the bare minimum and that helped me get away with it so much. That’s the past though. I don’t want to do too much though that she expects me to be Rosie the Robot. Total joke.

anyway looking forward to the rest of the day. I do have urges but I’m not gonna give into them. Stay positive guys. Stay active. Seek help. Reach out. Make connections. Build a network. Be heard.
 

Burnside627

Member
Day 16 2/28 Day 17 3/1

new month new me. I’ve really been becoming more intimate with my wife. Without sexual intimacy on the table it’s very freeing. I’ve been speaking my mind and not being afraid of her reaction.

I haven’t been using PMO as an escape and that in itself is really freeing. I’ve been getting more accomplished at work, yet it is very overwhelming. I don’t have to count the hours to get out of work to indulge myself. Then again there were times I would indulge myself at work. That’s a problem.

As some other people on here have mentioned I would like to exercise to get out some angst, but then again not much time and also not much angst. I’ve been in a pretty decent mood. I’ve been bonding with my family so much more since I’ve been home.

another good day and I hope anyone out there can realize you can get clean and live a better life without PMO. Especially P. It really does something to us that just corrupts our brains. I wish I was never exposed to it, but I was. My personality was established and I never learned how to draw a line until enough was enough.

stay positive and stay clean.
 

Burnside627

Member
Day 18 3/2 Day 19 3/3

work has been stressful. Went full throttle all day and didn’t stop until I sat down to eat. I went to get my daughter and forgot my wife asked me to get her some wine. Now don’t get me wrong we need a way to unwind and she was looking forward to it.

well I forgot the wine. It ended up unleashing her feelings that I don’t ever think of her needs. Now in the past I would just not care. I was gonna escape my feelings the next time I PMO, which probably would have been right after. Her coming at me like that had made me feel terrible until even today. I’ve been working on myself with addiction, but also as a husband. I let her down in more ways than one.

I am human and fallible. I think ultimately she will see that while I’m trying to be a better version of myself.

fast forward to today. She asked me to sleep again in the bed with her. Man. Green lights started flashing. I don’t know how to take that. I’m so excited,but I have my hesitations.
1.I know we aren’t going to be intimate until she is ready.
2.in the past I would grope her while sleeping if we weren’t intimate.

number one would make me seek PMO since I’m not getting any. I need to find out if not seeking my want to PMO will help stop number 2.

anyways. Another day clean and I feel great.
 

Burnside627

Member
Day 22

I have not been journaling and I feel that is making me less accountable for my actions. If anything it forces me to realize I can slip back into old habits. Habits that almost ruined my life.

I would take so much time out of my life consuming P and indulging in PMO. It is so easy for me to get into the mood.

I can recall many times where I was sexually intimate with my wife and the minute she went to take a shower I would PMO. I just needed more. I always need more. As far as now being sexually intimate with my wife that’s off the table for the time being and it makes it easier in some aspects.

I made the decision to sleep in the same bed with her after I was offered. I gave it some time to think on it. I had to realize it wasn’t an invitation to be sexually intimate,but to resume normalcy in life.

I have wanted to search out P and indulge in PMO but thankfully i decided against it. At this point it would be letting myself done with the minor progress I have made as I near 30 days.
 

Chuckles

Active Member
Good job! I feel like logging into this site once or twice a day may be a bit of a replacement habit for me.
And I've had that too. I've never been married, but times after I've had sex with a live-in GF or a hookup, I would PMO within like an hour.
That's a habit I'm looking forward to breaking, because it hopefully means more round 2's and round 3's in my future.
 

Burnside627

Member
After being PMO free for over thirty days I feel it is in my best interest to start over. I was not logging in and writing my feelings daily. My struggles and how I faced them. This is my sole means of accountability and I don’t feel I was true to me being clean. So as of today I’m going to start my 90 days over.

while I’m happy I made it as far as I did I also feel like I was not addressing my problems. I had such surmounting urges to watch P that I wanted to find replacements. This all of course was while I wasn’t logging in.

Today 1 again and to staying away from the past that I don’t want.
 

Burnside627

Member
Day 1

Looking for to today. Communication with my wife has been gradually getting better. As a family we have been going through a whirlwind of busyness that has kept me away from PMO.

during those down times though the urges are so strong. My wife told me after our daughters first birthday that she wanted to be intimate. This led me to getting my hopes up. On top of that I was mentally working on my self and hearing that opened a mini flood gate. A flood gate that was holding back all of my sexual urges. I couldn’t process it correctly. The fall through of that promise on her end put me into such a spot of resentment towards her that I’m now getting over.

after speaking with our counselor she realized that I was very unfair for her to do that.

today I’m just taking it one minute at a time and just abstaining for that moment. I want to hit my true 90 days of no PMO.
 

Burnside627

Member
Day 2
Feeling exhausted and unmotivated. It’s at times like this when my back is tense and I just want to unplug. By unplug I mean PMO.

what I really need to do is just take a couple of deep breaths and work past it. The tenseness will go away. I just need to focus on finishing this project at home. Eat some pizza. Talk with my wife later and soon enough it will just be another day down.

by now most of us know that PMO is just a temporary relief. It’s just going to waste my time and take away from what I really need to get done.

so back to the grindstone and use my energy for something productive rather than something that is going to waste my time.

stay positive guys.
 
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