Nick Dillz
Member
Hi everyone, I posted here early last month and haven't made a public post since then, although I have been messaging with accountability partners most days. This site has been great in terms of keeping me on track and encouraging me to follow through with my plan to quit for good. I'm on day 44 of a strict reboot, and things are significantly better between me and my wife, which is a relief when considering recent events. I was fairly sure we were going to divorce, and we actually did kind of separate for a while, though we were still lining in the same place. Basically, I've been looking at porn since I was a teen and am now 45 years old, with a history of worsening PIED. My wife knows about the habit and the link with ED, which I have suffered with during our relationship and has caused problems between us including loss of self esteem for both of us in different ways, and of course decreasing enjoyment of sex generally. She has been supportive although it has been hard for her (or not hard, if referring to my dick) to deal with. Anyway, she was of the impression that the recent worsening ED was due only to anxiety, perhaps a remnant of the porn issues in the past. She thought I had quit at least a couple of years ago (because that's what I told her). To make a long story short, I broke down and confessed to her (at new year's, which is our anniversary...dumb, I know) that I never really stopped and have been going at it this whole time. So obviously she wasn't thrilled about being lied to, let alone about something that has caused us so much grief over the years, hence the separation. The good thing is that since then I have really taken things seriously for the first time, am going to counselling (me alone and also together with my wife), getting into meditation and mindfulness, monitoring my tendency to lie to stay out of trouble, talking to people who have been through this, using apps to prevent slip ups on my devices, etc. I have no intention of going back.
I have a some questions for anyone reading this, particularly those who have been through this type of thing and managed to significantly improve or even fully go back to normal function, physically (ED) and relationshipwise.
First questions have to do with pills. Basically, around 4 years ago I decided to try viagara. It worked like a charm, every time and for the whole time. I could easily go more than once per day/night. Unfortunately, because I thought I was 'cured' and could have the best of both worlds, I started to PMO even more than before. It continued like that for maybe 2 years, but on occasion I'd still have ED. These occasions were rare at first but became more regular with time, until it began working half the time, then I guess the underlying anxiety and PIED took back over and the pills didnt' work very often, although of course they would still work while jerking off (I only took a small amount on rare occasion to JO). Anyway, here I am, ready to move forward with the wife and work on things, not going back to porn. First question is: Once my brain has had a long enough break from porn and we're ready to have sex again, is it ok to use pills, or is there some type of physical effect of the pills that will hinder recovery? I've seen some comments that state one should never use them, and others that say occasional use is ok, then others saying once your head is in the right place it's fine. I know it would be best to go 'all natural', but, I really liked that feeling of being totally 'up' and quickly ready for action. It was great.
Second question is regarding resuming sex with an actual person after a period like this, particularly one with whom you have a long history (we've been together 18 years, married 15, have 3 kids). A lot of damage has been done, we're both happy to be trying to get back on track but there's still obviously that anxious feeling that comes with repeated ED when thinking about or planning to have sex. What has worked for you personally in this type of situation? I'm pretty sure just jumping back into it head first for me won't be the best idea, though I guess it might work after such a long period of not doing anything at all.
I'm sure these questions have been answered to some extent in other threads, forgive me. It would be nice to hear from you with knowledge of my specific situation. Or, you could direct me to other threads or sites with info that helped your situation. Thanks guys...
I have a some questions for anyone reading this, particularly those who have been through this type of thing and managed to significantly improve or even fully go back to normal function, physically (ED) and relationshipwise.
First questions have to do with pills. Basically, around 4 years ago I decided to try viagara. It worked like a charm, every time and for the whole time. I could easily go more than once per day/night. Unfortunately, because I thought I was 'cured' and could have the best of both worlds, I started to PMO even more than before. It continued like that for maybe 2 years, but on occasion I'd still have ED. These occasions were rare at first but became more regular with time, until it began working half the time, then I guess the underlying anxiety and PIED took back over and the pills didnt' work very often, although of course they would still work while jerking off (I only took a small amount on rare occasion to JO). Anyway, here I am, ready to move forward with the wife and work on things, not going back to porn. First question is: Once my brain has had a long enough break from porn and we're ready to have sex again, is it ok to use pills, or is there some type of physical effect of the pills that will hinder recovery? I've seen some comments that state one should never use them, and others that say occasional use is ok, then others saying once your head is in the right place it's fine. I know it would be best to go 'all natural', but, I really liked that feeling of being totally 'up' and quickly ready for action. It was great.
Second question is regarding resuming sex with an actual person after a period like this, particularly one with whom you have a long history (we've been together 18 years, married 15, have 3 kids). A lot of damage has been done, we're both happy to be trying to get back on track but there's still obviously that anxious feeling that comes with repeated ED when thinking about or planning to have sex. What has worked for you personally in this type of situation? I'm pretty sure just jumping back into it head first for me won't be the best idea, though I guess it might work after such a long period of not doing anything at all.
I'm sure these questions have been answered to some extent in other threads, forgive me. It would be nice to hear from you with knowledge of my specific situation. Or, you could direct me to other threads or sites with info that helped your situation. Thanks guys...
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