Skittelz
Active Member
I am new to the site, but here is a little about me.
I am 38 years old, and married for 12 years, but we have been together for 20 years. We don't have any children, and we can't have any children, so we have had the freedom to more or less do whatever we want. We have roamed around the country a lot and seen some shit, so to speak. She is aware of my porn problem and is fully supportive and loving about the whole thing. I'm a lucky man.
I am a recovered alcoholic, 3 years sober in April. I have not used any cocaine, meth, or opiate pills in many years, I actually lost count on those, but I was pretty well addicted to all of them at one point in life. My point in mentioning that is to point out that this is not my first addiction. Unfortunately, I have a long history with addiction.
I started using porn in 1999, just when internet porn usage was starting to ramp up. And it has been a part of my life ever since, albeit the quantity of use does fluctuate. But I have always needed it, and have always had some type of porn in my history, weather just a little or a fuckton. My wife doesn't mind that I watch porn, she does too on occasion, and I think that's part of why it has gone on so long. I have never hidden it from her, and she sometimes would check my internet history and chuckle, and I would feel a little strange.
The last few years, I have been feeling more and more unsatisfied with the sex my wife and I have, which is actually a lot. And also, I have been having erection issues my entire adult life and have to imagine porn scenes or heavy fantasy to maintain a boner and cum. So our sex is very detached, because I am in my head, instead of making a connection with her. I have seen doctors, psychologists, etc. They just wanted to write prescriptions all the time, Viagra, Zoloft, Xanax. Not one of them asked me about porn, or masturbation, or anything like that. On the rare occasion that porn was discussed, it was portrayed as a good thing. So when I stumbled upon YBOP and the Reboot movement, I was floored. And a little bit pissed. Our medical system sucks, for real.
So, I have been abstaining from watching porn, and masturbating. I still have sex with my wife, but she is a full time student with a full time job so it is not very often, about once a week during the school semester. I figure my goal here is for me to have real, intimate, connected sex with her instead of imagining porn, so I should continue having sex with her. And hope that as I continue to not watch porn and masturbate I will regain some sensitivity in my dick and the dirty images in my head will fade. But I dunno, I might be wrong, it has been known to happen.
Please hit me up guys! I'm so new to this, and embarrassed and humiliated and ashamed and so many other things. I feel isolated and cut off from society and I need some encouragement. My goal is to leave a journal entry every day.
I am 38 years old, and married for 12 years, but we have been together for 20 years. We don't have any children, and we can't have any children, so we have had the freedom to more or less do whatever we want. We have roamed around the country a lot and seen some shit, so to speak. She is aware of my porn problem and is fully supportive and loving about the whole thing. I'm a lucky man.
I am a recovered alcoholic, 3 years sober in April. I have not used any cocaine, meth, or opiate pills in many years, I actually lost count on those, but I was pretty well addicted to all of them at one point in life. My point in mentioning that is to point out that this is not my first addiction. Unfortunately, I have a long history with addiction.
I started using porn in 1999, just when internet porn usage was starting to ramp up. And it has been a part of my life ever since, albeit the quantity of use does fluctuate. But I have always needed it, and have always had some type of porn in my history, weather just a little or a fuckton. My wife doesn't mind that I watch porn, she does too on occasion, and I think that's part of why it has gone on so long. I have never hidden it from her, and she sometimes would check my internet history and chuckle, and I would feel a little strange.
The last few years, I have been feeling more and more unsatisfied with the sex my wife and I have, which is actually a lot. And also, I have been having erection issues my entire adult life and have to imagine porn scenes or heavy fantasy to maintain a boner and cum. So our sex is very detached, because I am in my head, instead of making a connection with her. I have seen doctors, psychologists, etc. They just wanted to write prescriptions all the time, Viagra, Zoloft, Xanax. Not one of them asked me about porn, or masturbation, or anything like that. On the rare occasion that porn was discussed, it was portrayed as a good thing. So when I stumbled upon YBOP and the Reboot movement, I was floored. And a little bit pissed. Our medical system sucks, for real.
So, I have been abstaining from watching porn, and masturbating. I still have sex with my wife, but she is a full time student with a full time job so it is not very often, about once a week during the school semester. I figure my goal here is for me to have real, intimate, connected sex with her instead of imagining porn, so I should continue having sex with her. And hope that as I continue to not watch porn and masturbate I will regain some sensitivity in my dick and the dirty images in my head will fade. But I dunno, I might be wrong, it has been known to happen.
Please hit me up guys! I'm so new to this, and embarrassed and humiliated and ashamed and so many other things. I feel isolated and cut off from society and I need some encouragement. My goal is to leave a journal entry every day.