So I've been doing this nearly a month. at day 28.
I think maybe I've led myself away from P by focusing on the possibility of finding real partners to connect with and rewire myself to those experiences. So I got back on a dating app.
It wasn't that bad until this morning. I actually kind of recognized my addictive tendency in using it. It doesn't feel good, and yet I keep getting back on it, swiping over and over as long as it will let me, hoping to get that feeling of being chosen by a potential partner.
Then this very, very attractive woman came across my screen. Her photos were suggestive. And this little part of by brain was like, let's insert her into that old fantasy of yours. It's not even extremely P-like in nature, but it happens from a third person perspective, i.e. I, myself, am not involved in the fantasy. I guess I thought it couldn't hurt just to imagine it. I didn't even technically M, I was just pressing down against it for a moment or two. But after 28 days it was enough to cause a very surprising O.
I deleted the app. I learned my lesson there.
I guess since I was using a screen and imagining something hyperstimulating, that's cause for a reset, right? Like I should start my counter over.
This is the longest I can ever remember abstaining from PMO. I'm trying not to be ashamed but it's a little frustrating.
I think maybe I've led myself away from P by focusing on the possibility of finding real partners to connect with and rewire myself to those experiences. So I got back on a dating app.
It wasn't that bad until this morning. I actually kind of recognized my addictive tendency in using it. It doesn't feel good, and yet I keep getting back on it, swiping over and over as long as it will let me, hoping to get that feeling of being chosen by a potential partner.
Then this very, very attractive woman came across my screen. Her photos were suggestive. And this little part of by brain was like, let's insert her into that old fantasy of yours. It's not even extremely P-like in nature, but it happens from a third person perspective, i.e. I, myself, am not involved in the fantasy. I guess I thought it couldn't hurt just to imagine it. I didn't even technically M, I was just pressing down against it for a moment or two. But after 28 days it was enough to cause a very surprising O.
I deleted the app. I learned my lesson there.
I guess since I was using a screen and imagining something hyperstimulating, that's cause for a reset, right? Like I should start my counter over.
This is the longest I can ever remember abstaining from PMO. I'm trying not to be ashamed but it's a little frustrating.
