20 Something Reboot

SmokenMirrors

Active Member
Day 88 - For the first time in ~10 years I'm truly happy to be alive. There is no existential dread, no self hatred, no insecurity and no crippling self awareness. This feels immense! I had an early offset version of this yesterday but that was nothing compared to this feeling today. I can feel the sunshine within for the first time in so long! It has seeped through every internal window and shone light into the dark, decrepit hallways of depression and melancholy. Today is the first daylight in a VERY long time!
 

ladysudan

Member
Day 88 - For the first time in ~10 years I'm truly happy to be alive. There is no existential dread, no self hatred, no insecurity and no crippling self awareness. This feels immense! I had an early offset version of this yesterday but that was nothing compared to this feeling today. I can feel the sunshine within for the first time in so long! It has seeped through every internal window and shone light into the dark, decrepit hallways of depression and melancholy. Today is the first daylight in a VERY long time!
Happy for you!!!!!!!!😄
 

Recovery Will Come

Active Member
Hi guys, I figured keeping a journal would help me and hopefully others with my recovery. First off, a bit of context:
22 years old
Used PMO since 11 (started off 6 times a day until about 13 when it significantly dropped to twice daily, then from 16 onwards once daily)
Realised I had a problem when I stopped enjoy O with women (never had ED problems but I've had PE issues a few times) and I couldn't MO without thinking of P or sexual thoughts.
About 6 months ago decided to make a change and quit PMO, had a big relapse roughly 6 weeks in and only recently started again.
Currently on day 13.

On my first abstinence from P I had withdrawal symptoms like irritability and on some occasions I even had the shakes. I have had no withdrawal symptoms yet but they will come in time, I am only on day 13 after all. My aim is to reach day 90 with a hard reset (no P, no fantasizing, no looking at bikini pics etc). I intend to never consume P again. In the words of the great Zyzz, we're all gonna make it!
Good luck!!! You got this.. Same with me I’m done with porn and masturbation for life!!!!! It’s just not worth it… Enough is enough!!!!
 

tydurden

Member
So inspiring to ready your posts! You seem so committed and I wish you all the best! I have stopped PMO, but you inspired me to try going without MO. Wish me luck!
 

SmokenMirrors

Active Member
So inspiring to ready your posts! You seem so committed and I wish you all the best! I have stopped PMO, but you inspired me to try going without MO. Wish me luck!
Thank you man! I'm so glad my story is an inspiration to you! I for sure have benefitted from eradicating MO, best of luck brother!
 

SmokenMirrors

Active Member
On the Eve of day 90 I'd like to give you guys a little review of my journey. Ever since I was a kid, I've always struggled with concentration and memory. I remember as far back as when I was 12 years old telling my parents about this 'brain fog' that was seemingly incurable; at least in the eyes of neuroscientists at the time (I did some research into it back then). Now, am I saying that my concentration and memory is magically fixed? Absolutely not. What I am saying, however, is they have certainly improved. I can now read books for over an hour, and even retain some of the information that I've read! This is a huge step for me, since I always just assumed nothing could be done! I find myself researching all the old things I used to have passion for, and have found that the hearth of passion has been rekindled. I was always into fitness when I was younger, and about 4 years ago, at the age of 18, I lost all interest in fitness and all my other hobbies and passions. I was a husk. I managed to scrape an A, B and C in my A Levels, which was an impressive feat considering I couldn't concentrate enough to properly learn the curriculum, let alone try and remember it with my awful memory! Since then, I have never really learnt anything substantial, since the brain fog proved too strong. But now, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I've taken an interest in all my old hobbies and I am currently considering getting back to the gym! I'm watching educational videos and documentaries and I am retaining ~30 percent of what I consume (seems like a low figure, but to me, it's high!)

Now I'm not saying I've been magically cured. However, what I am saying, is I am 75% happier than I've ever been! Is 75% optimal? No. But 75 percent happiness is a disparity of gargantuan proportions between 'not even motivated enough to kill myself' and 'I am actually enjoying living'. As time progresses, I'm sure that my concentration and memory will improve significantly since I'm in a mind marathon, my brain has to undo over 10 years of PMO and depression! I am confident that my brain will consume and retain information at a normal level in due course!

When I started my journey, I said to myself that I never want to watch porn again. Now, at the end of my hard 90 journey, I still feel exactly the same way. I will never PMO again, and I intend to rarely, if ever, MO. I always felt incurable, like I was just 'one of those broken guys', but now I have the clarity to see that we can ALL be fixed! I recommend to you all to start a journal if you haven't already and update it regularly. My journal has been a HUGE help to me in two ways:
1. It allowed me to express what I was feeling and sort of 'sign it off' so I didn't have to think about it anymore since it was 'gone'
2. It exposed me to the fantastic community we have here (case in point, and a very special shoutout to, @Blondie who has been supportive of me and many others through our reboots)

So, thank you to Gabe Deem and the late, great Gary Wilson for exposing the poison of porn to the afflicted! Thank you to @Blondie for being everyone's rock, thank you to everybody who has shown support on my journal ( @forestwater @Fappy @P234 @Escapeandnevercomeback @achilles heel @Onmyway19 @Phineas 808 @Gabe Deem @FiveFortyFour @BridgeTri @altfacezz @ChasingMyDreams @Ezel @ladysudan @Recovery Will Come @tydurden ). Keep smashing it guys!
 

Blondie

Well-Known Member
My pleasure my man, I'm so happy for you. I hope you know It's a two-way street, seeing someone as yourself get so excited to get out of this mess makes me all the more vigilant about my own journey. Thus, thank you for helping me.

So happy to hear about the improvements in your concentration and lack of brain fog. Getting off this shit is a miracle in the truest sense of the term.

Have a great day tomorrow.

Best

Blondie.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
That's right, quitting porn might not magically fix all your problems but it's the key that open the doors towards solving your problems. It makes fixing your problems seem doable. You gain a new strength where you don't feel overwhelmed and afraid anymore. And that's life, that's what you're supposed to do in life, overcome the obstacles. Porn keeps you afraid, you can't overcome any obstacles like that. Congratulations on 90 days. Don't get complacent. 90 days is not the end of everything, it's just the beginning.

"You have to chase what seems impossible over and over and over again. Cause giving up is not an option, and when you feel like you’ve reached your limit, it’s only the beginning, that’s when it’s time to dig deep, to find the courage to push some more, because if you’ve got the drive, the discipline, and the resolve to do what it takes to make yourself great, then the rewards are endless."

-Lebron James
 
Top