On the Eve of day 90 I'd like to give you guys a little review of my journey. Ever since I was a kid, I've always struggled with concentration and memory. I remember as far back as when I was 12 years old telling my parents about this 'brain fog' that was seemingly incurable; at least in the eyes of neuroscientists at the time (I did some research into it back then). Now, am I saying that my concentration and memory is magically fixed? Absolutely not. What I am saying, however, is they have certainly improved. I can now read books for over an hour, and even retain some of the information that I've read! This is a huge step for me, since I always just assumed nothing could be done! I find myself researching all the old things I used to have passion for, and have found that the hearth of passion has been rekindled. I was always into fitness when I was younger, and about 4 years ago, at the age of 18, I lost all interest in fitness and all my other hobbies and passions. I was a husk. I managed to scrape an A, B and C in my A Levels, which was an impressive feat considering I couldn't concentrate enough to properly learn the curriculum, let alone try and remember it with my awful memory! Since then, I have never really learnt anything substantial, since the brain fog proved too strong. But now, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I've taken an interest in all my old hobbies and I am currently considering getting back to the gym! I'm watching educational videos and documentaries and I am retaining ~30 percent of what I consume (seems like a low figure, but to me, it's high!)
Now I'm not saying I've been magically cured. However, what I am saying, is I am 75% happier than I've ever been! Is 75% optimal? No. But 75 percent happiness is a disparity of gargantuan proportions between 'not even motivated enough to kill myself' and 'I am actually enjoying living'. As time progresses, I'm sure that my concentration and memory will improve significantly since I'm in a mind marathon, my brain has to undo over 10 years of PMO and depression! I am confident that my brain will consume and retain information at a normal level in due course!
When I started my journey, I said to myself that I never want to watch porn again. Now, at the end of my hard 90 journey, I still feel exactly the same way. I will never PMO again, and I intend to rarely, if ever, MO. I always felt incurable, like I was just 'one of those broken guys', but now I have the clarity to see that we can ALL be fixed! I recommend to you all to start a journal if you haven't already and update it regularly. My journal has been a HUGE help to me in two ways:
1. It allowed me to express what I was feeling and sort of 'sign it off' so I didn't have to think about it anymore since it was 'gone'
2. It exposed me to the fantastic community we have here (case in point, and a very special shoutout to, @Blondie
who has been supportive of me and many others through our reboots)
So, thank you to Gabe Deem and the late, great Gary Wilson for exposing the poison of porn to the afflicted! Thank you to @Blondie
for being everyone's rock, thank you to everybody who has shown support on my journal ( @forestwater @Fappy @P234 @Escapeandnevercomeback @achilles heel @Onmyway19 @Phineas 808 @Gabe Deem @FiveFortyFour @BridgeTri @altfacezz @ChasingMyDreams @Ezel @ladysudan @Recovery Will Come @tydurden
). Keep smashing it guys!