#GoodOne
New Member
Day 0-So my inspiration for this entire story and sign on to the Reboot Nation has been steeped in a 10 Year struggle with a vicious cycle of lust and selfishness. I've always heard about using forums as a way to help and I found about about this site from Fight the New Drug. It seemed more low key than NoFap and the NoPorn Subreddit.
So the story. When I was 12 I began to develop intense feelings and emotions for women which led me to find an outlet in various types of erotic literature and eventually videos. Part of this stemmed from the isolation of being homeschooled and not really having creative heatlhy outlets as well as extensive social support networks. I would begin to masturbate heavily and start to really delve into fantasy which further isolated me from the real world. I finished my last 3 years of High School in a Public School and still struggled with the temptations and in my mind there was no way to escape it and I was addicted. When I went to college, It really hindered my ability to connect and talk to girls I was attracted to. In my mind I had objectified women and was shy as well. Overcoming the objectification of women took a spiritual process of healing that led to being free of porn for about a year and a half and eventually going on 2 dates from 2019 to 2022.
Fast forward 10 years and here I am sitting in a 5 start hotel quarantining as part of a job while heavily resisting the temptation to waste my time, energy and money looking at something I shouldn't be looking at. I have come to the reality that a struggle like this one will take a long-long time to fully feel I have overcome it. An initial goal of 1 month is something, I feel would be a great focus to have I have relapsed 3 times in the past 6 months from Aug 2021 to Feb 2022. My longest concious streak was from November of 2019 to the Relapse in August of 2021, a period of 20 months or 1 year and 8 months. My faith plays heavily in this battle with this Drug and my God has always been on my side, I am very confident he helped me to reduce my urges that November of 2019. However, the relapse that ended that streak was founded in idleness and a breakup which led to a selfish downward spiral.
A big part of why I want to start a journal is to have another tool set that can help me in this battle. I have always been a proponent of fleeing porn and giving up the urge to masturbate. I thought I had conquered Porn, but have come to the realization that it is impossible to conquer and working on both looking and being selfish will be a process. Having a journal can help me identify and perhaps eliminate some triggers in my mind that lead me back to the black pit of lust. I don't know whether marrigage is in my future or not, but I do know that working on myself is one of the best things I can do to prepare myself if that is indeed something in my future. Also I hope to be able to encourage others in their journey and their goals. While I don't know everything, I am willing to help and serve others who are struggling in this area of life as well.
I chose the username #GoodOne cause I wanted to use a country-pop singer's song, Gabby Barrett's single, The Good Ones as an inspiration for this journal. In the song told from a woman's point of view the singer sings about the attributes of what make A Good One or good man/boyfriend. Through listening to it I was reminded of how for me it was a disservice and a negative attribute selfish to women to give in to lustful desires that further isolate and destroyed my sense of self.
Here is a list of some strategies I have used in the past:
Sleeping on the Ground
Sleeping without Phone or Phone Physically in a different place (Kitchen)
Not having a Television
Connecting with a Young Adults Group at Church
Not Being Idle Having things to do
Anyway if anyone needs an accountability partner or someone to talk to I would be happy to help.
DJ
So the story. When I was 12 I began to develop intense feelings and emotions for women which led me to find an outlet in various types of erotic literature and eventually videos. Part of this stemmed from the isolation of being homeschooled and not really having creative heatlhy outlets as well as extensive social support networks. I would begin to masturbate heavily and start to really delve into fantasy which further isolated me from the real world. I finished my last 3 years of High School in a Public School and still struggled with the temptations and in my mind there was no way to escape it and I was addicted. When I went to college, It really hindered my ability to connect and talk to girls I was attracted to. In my mind I had objectified women and was shy as well. Overcoming the objectification of women took a spiritual process of healing that led to being free of porn for about a year and a half and eventually going on 2 dates from 2019 to 2022.
Fast forward 10 years and here I am sitting in a 5 start hotel quarantining as part of a job while heavily resisting the temptation to waste my time, energy and money looking at something I shouldn't be looking at. I have come to the reality that a struggle like this one will take a long-long time to fully feel I have overcome it. An initial goal of 1 month is something, I feel would be a great focus to have I have relapsed 3 times in the past 6 months from Aug 2021 to Feb 2022. My longest concious streak was from November of 2019 to the Relapse in August of 2021, a period of 20 months or 1 year and 8 months. My faith plays heavily in this battle with this Drug and my God has always been on my side, I am very confident he helped me to reduce my urges that November of 2019. However, the relapse that ended that streak was founded in idleness and a breakup which led to a selfish downward spiral.
A big part of why I want to start a journal is to have another tool set that can help me in this battle. I have always been a proponent of fleeing porn and giving up the urge to masturbate. I thought I had conquered Porn, but have come to the realization that it is impossible to conquer and working on both looking and being selfish will be a process. Having a journal can help me identify and perhaps eliminate some triggers in my mind that lead me back to the black pit of lust. I don't know whether marrigage is in my future or not, but I do know that working on myself is one of the best things I can do to prepare myself if that is indeed something in my future. Also I hope to be able to encourage others in their journey and their goals. While I don't know everything, I am willing to help and serve others who are struggling in this area of life as well.
I chose the username #GoodOne cause I wanted to use a country-pop singer's song, Gabby Barrett's single, The Good Ones as an inspiration for this journal. In the song told from a woman's point of view the singer sings about the attributes of what make A Good One or good man/boyfriend. Through listening to it I was reminded of how for me it was a disservice and a negative attribute selfish to women to give in to lustful desires that further isolate and destroyed my sense of self.
Here is a list of some strategies I have used in the past:
Sleeping on the Ground
Sleeping without Phone or Phone Physically in a different place (Kitchen)
Not having a Television
Connecting with a Young Adults Group at Church
Not Being Idle Having things to do
Anyway if anyone needs an accountability partner or someone to talk to I would be happy to help.
DJ
