fapfreezone
Active Member
Hello fellow rebooters. I am posting today to alleviate myself from shame. It’s well established that shame can be linked to addictions and compulsive behaviours. It’s also well established that talking to other people about your shame can help you overcome it. This is only true if you tell people who will be respectful and empathize, though.
However, YBOP teaches us, that addiction can be primary, i.e. not linked to a psychological problem. So, if you think there’s something wrong with you, you may have a shame problem. If you don’t think there's something wrong with you, maybe you don’t have a shame problem. If you don’t know if you have a shame problem or not, you’re supposed to talk to a psychologist to find out. If you do have a shame problem, though, you’re supposed to share it with others that you think will be respectful, to alleviate the shame and help you overcome the addiction. So, this is the purpose of this post – to alleviate my shame by sharing it with you guys.
So, alleviating shame involves revealing your dirtiest secret or secrets. Everything serious that you worry about, everything major that you’ve done wrong and anything that you think is particularly bad about you and your lifetime’s behaviour and experiences.
So, what have I done?
The main problem is virgin. As a young man, I had problems with confidence socially and with talking to women. As an older man (I’m in my mid-thirties now), I’ve tried to fix it with psychologists and pick-up, but I still haven’t solved it completely (I am definitely better, though). So I’m still a virgin. If you’re wondering which approach is better (psychologist or PUA), I recommend a good psychologist. If things don’t work out with the first one, get a second opinion (see a different psychologist).
Paradoxically, virgin was a worse problem when I was younger. As a young man, surrounded by other young men (and some women), I spent time with a lot of immature people who thought that being a virgin was the worst thing you can be. This is why it’s not as bad now; I know that it isn’t the worst thing you can be.
I know that terrorism, serious crime and disability are some common problems that are worse than virgin. I know this from watching the news. I’m telling you this so that if you’re 22 and think virgin is the worst thing you can be, you can try watching the news, or talking to someone else who regularly watches the news, or is at least mature and they’ll tell you virgin isn’t that bad. Would you rather be a violent man? A drug addict? A terrorist? I wouldn’t. I’d rather be a virgin. I didn’t have this perspective until I got into psychology and watching the news.
Most concerningly, as a young man, though, I wrote three suicide notes, at three separate times. I wrote them because I actually did think that virgin was terrible. I thought that death was the end, but sometimes wanted to die anyway. The only people I’ve ever told about this (before now) were psychologists. Now I’m telling you guys to alleviate my shame and hopefully to help some younger virgins who think being a virgin is a disaster.
Of course, I now know that some of the problem I had with women was due to PMO (who really knew this back in the early noughties, when it happened to me? Not many), some was due to brewer’s droop and some was probably due to performance anxiety. The good thing is that I now know what to fix.
From learning about psychology, I’ve been able to recognize the good things about myself. I’m intelligent, good-looking, muscular (with a full-house build), likeable, funny, sensible, capable and employable, dateable and attractive. I think this should be enough to get me a good job and an attractive girlfriend within a sensible time-frame, so we’ll see.
I’m also going to add that in my opinion, using sex workers isn’t the answer. I’m saying this just in case some other young virgin men are tempted by them. If you want to know why you shouldn’t use sex workers, I suggest you find out about “human trafficking” to your satisfaction. I reckon this will put most of you off, which I think is good. What you should do instead, according to me, is contact a psychologist and tell him or her that you find it hard to get a girlfriend and can they help.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask. If you want to post about your own shame in this thread, feel free to post. If you want to be supportive, post away. If you want to know why being a virgin is such a big deal to young men, I recommend you watch the original “American Pie” film. Watch out for Jason Biggs character, the protagonist. He is a young teenage man with raging teenage hormones, but says at a point in time that he “hates sex”. This is due to the stigma of being a virgin, which he finds intolerable (he is a virgin at the time). He isn’t the geekiest guy (“The Sherminator” is and Jason’s character’s friends are popular). This particular film was released when I was a teenager, was very popular at the time and provides insights into the young mens’ opinions about sex and virginity at the time. This is why it’s so helpful in understanding the stigma of being a male virgin.
Many thanks for reading and I hope you liked the post,
FFZ
However, YBOP teaches us, that addiction can be primary, i.e. not linked to a psychological problem. So, if you think there’s something wrong with you, you may have a shame problem. If you don’t think there's something wrong with you, maybe you don’t have a shame problem. If you don’t know if you have a shame problem or not, you’re supposed to talk to a psychologist to find out. If you do have a shame problem, though, you’re supposed to share it with others that you think will be respectful, to alleviate the shame and help you overcome the addiction. So, this is the purpose of this post – to alleviate my shame by sharing it with you guys.
So, alleviating shame involves revealing your dirtiest secret or secrets. Everything serious that you worry about, everything major that you’ve done wrong and anything that you think is particularly bad about you and your lifetime’s behaviour and experiences.
So, what have I done?
The main problem is virgin. As a young man, I had problems with confidence socially and with talking to women. As an older man (I’m in my mid-thirties now), I’ve tried to fix it with psychologists and pick-up, but I still haven’t solved it completely (I am definitely better, though). So I’m still a virgin. If you’re wondering which approach is better (psychologist or PUA), I recommend a good psychologist. If things don’t work out with the first one, get a second opinion (see a different psychologist).
Paradoxically, virgin was a worse problem when I was younger. As a young man, surrounded by other young men (and some women), I spent time with a lot of immature people who thought that being a virgin was the worst thing you can be. This is why it’s not as bad now; I know that it isn’t the worst thing you can be.
I know that terrorism, serious crime and disability are some common problems that are worse than virgin. I know this from watching the news. I’m telling you this so that if you’re 22 and think virgin is the worst thing you can be, you can try watching the news, or talking to someone else who regularly watches the news, or is at least mature and they’ll tell you virgin isn’t that bad. Would you rather be a violent man? A drug addict? A terrorist? I wouldn’t. I’d rather be a virgin. I didn’t have this perspective until I got into psychology and watching the news.
Most concerningly, as a young man, though, I wrote three suicide notes, at three separate times. I wrote them because I actually did think that virgin was terrible. I thought that death was the end, but sometimes wanted to die anyway. The only people I’ve ever told about this (before now) were psychologists. Now I’m telling you guys to alleviate my shame and hopefully to help some younger virgins who think being a virgin is a disaster.
Of course, I now know that some of the problem I had with women was due to PMO (who really knew this back in the early noughties, when it happened to me? Not many), some was due to brewer’s droop and some was probably due to performance anxiety. The good thing is that I now know what to fix.
From learning about psychology, I’ve been able to recognize the good things about myself. I’m intelligent, good-looking, muscular (with a full-house build), likeable, funny, sensible, capable and employable, dateable and attractive. I think this should be enough to get me a good job and an attractive girlfriend within a sensible time-frame, so we’ll see.
I’m also going to add that in my opinion, using sex workers isn’t the answer. I’m saying this just in case some other young virgin men are tempted by them. If you want to know why you shouldn’t use sex workers, I suggest you find out about “human trafficking” to your satisfaction. I reckon this will put most of you off, which I think is good. What you should do instead, according to me, is contact a psychologist and tell him or her that you find it hard to get a girlfriend and can they help.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask. If you want to post about your own shame in this thread, feel free to post. If you want to be supportive, post away. If you want to know why being a virgin is such a big deal to young men, I recommend you watch the original “American Pie” film. Watch out for Jason Biggs character, the protagonist. He is a young teenage man with raging teenage hormones, but says at a point in time that he “hates sex”. This is due to the stigma of being a virgin, which he finds intolerable (he is a virgin at the time). He isn’t the geekiest guy (“The Sherminator” is and Jason’s character’s friends are popular). This particular film was released when I was a teenager, was very popular at the time and provides insights into the young mens’ opinions about sex and virginity at the time. This is why it’s so helpful in understanding the stigma of being a male virgin.
Many thanks for reading and I hope you liked the post,
FFZ