PIED Recovery Journey! Accountability Journal, 39 Yrs old

Hey everyone!

Here is a bit of background on my situation, and the offical start of my journey to overcome this curse!

I am so glad to have found this community... this exact problem has been plaguing me for the longest time, and it is literally incredible to see it articulated so well in this group. I am happily married to the most GORGEOUS, sexy, incredible girl Ive ever met in my life, however over the last few years our sex life has left a fair bit to be desired. This is not due to "marriage changes things" (I am just as attracted to her today as I was the day I met her, sincerely) or any fading desire on either of our parts... its ENTIRELY to do with me. I haven't been able to perform for literally a few years now, and she has been nothing but supportive and understanding of my "ED". The spark is there, foreplay is magic, but when the time comes, I am unable. However, with porn (and in private) I have no issue; Im hard, feels great, aroused, cum a lot if edged... everything Id love to do with my partner (and have for years in the past). I've even subscribed to OnlyFans accounts of girls who resemble my wife (or is identical!) and I have no issue getting off that way... how fucked up is that!?? Spending money on a computer screen when I have the real thing right in my bed!?? I have always suspected my porn use has been the cause of my ED, and after discovering RebootNation, and watching Gabe Deem's brilliant videos, there is no doubt that I am suffering from PIED. I am thrilled that there is hope to recover from this, and I am committing to my Reboot RIGHT NOW.

I want to say that you are all absolute HEROES, for posting here and maintaining this forum. I will replace my tendency to find arousal from pixels and bring it back into my own real life. I want to be a father next year, and that is something else that will be robbed from me if I don't take the responsibility to begin this journey, ASAP. I will keep you all posted on my progress, and if anyone wants an Accountability Buddy, please let me know as I would love to be one, and have some!! Here's to one of the biggest self improvement journies of my (our) lives!!
 
DAY 2:

Went rather well, made it the entire day without PMO or even accessing anything arousing whatsoever. Deleted my OnlyFans account, and all throwaway Reddit and Twitter accounts made just for creeping. Started to get antsy, went for a run instead. It was only Day 1, so I know the worst will come in the next few days, but Im ready for it. I WANT TO REBOOT and I WILL. Keep you all posted!
 
D

Deleted member 27008

Guest
Achieve it, my friend, to be a better husband and father, and above all to feel truly human. I wish you to build a life without pmo.
 
Great start - welcome to the community!

I relate a lot to what you've written
Especially this part
I've even subscribed to OnlyFans accounts of girls who resemble my wife (or is identical!) and I have no issue getting off that way... how fucked up is that!?? Spending money on a computer screen when I have the real thing right in my bed!??

Everything is pushing us to take the easy path - to give in to endless internet porn
But we have chosen a different more difficult path because we know it will make us better men
Keep at it brother - and keep your journal updated so we know how you're getting on!
 
Great start - welcome to the community!

I relate a lot to what you've written
Especially this part


Everything is pushing us to take the easy path - to give in to endless internet porn
But we have chosen a different more difficult path because we know it will make us better men
Keep at it brother - and keep your journal updated so we know how you're getting on!
Thank you so much!! It truly means a lot to me knowing that someone else relates to my exact situation. I will keep my journal updated daily (I have an initial 80 day play I am hellbent on achieving) and I would love to keep in touch during the journey! Thank you for reaching out, there is nothing more encouraging than comments like these!
 
DAY 3:

Another entirely PMO-Free day, went for a run and focused my energies on work instead of giving into the urge for porn, Reddit, Twitter or Onlyfans. I would honestly say that OnlyFans was (is) my worst vice, that and scrolling through the endless ocean of content on Reddit. Urgest still haven't gotten to their strongest yet, so I am still dreading that moment, but so far I seem to be doing OK!
 
DAY 4:

Thank you for the support and comments, please keep them coming! They really do make a huge difference!! On day 4 of no PMO and honestly the urges are starting to creep in, but still nothing that I can't handle yet. One thing that I have noticed, and I am wondering if any others have had the same experience... my dick is like DEAD. Not responsive to any touch whatsoever, no morning wood or even half a tent when I think of something sexy or see something on TV, and I can't even imagine getting hard at all. Is that weird? Or a normal part of this process? It's almost like its pissed off at me for being so "inactive" lol, but oh well, just gonna keep going. Anyone else have this too? How long did it last?

Please tell me the Reboot works... It feels like I cant even see the light at the end of the tunnel and I just want my sex life back!!
 

Seafly

Member
I understand this as a normal reaction for many rebooters. I think its called flat-lining or loss of libido. Its normal and if you keep going the way you're going, your natural libido will perk right back up. Here's a thread on reboot nation for you peruse at your leisure.

 

viking1234

Member
Day 4, nice job man! I felt the same thing now and then, I only began to notice erections when waking up around day 8, and those were like "shit, this hasn't happened to me in years"... Otherwise yeah, dead dick...
 

dylank

Member
DAY 4:

Thank you for the support and comments, please keep them coming! They really do make a huge difference!! On day 4 of no PMO and honestly the urges are starting to creep in, but still nothing that I can't handle yet. One thing that I have noticed, and I am wondering if any others have had the same experience... my dick is like DEAD. Not responsive to any touch whatsoever, no morning wood or even half a tent when I think of something sexy or see something on TV, and I can't even imagine getting hard at all. Is that weird? Or a normal part of this process? It's almost like its pissed off at me for being so "inactive" lol, but oh well, just gonna keep going. Anyone else have this too? How long did it last?

Please tell me the Reboot works... It feels like I cant even see the light at the end of the tunnel and I just want my sex life back!!
It's a bit hard before it gets hard ;)
 
DAY 1:

Hey everyone, I was away on a work trip this last week so sorry Ive been out of touch. Awful news however... I relapsed. Hard. I feel so unbelievably stupid, but this just goes to show how serious of a situation/addiction this really is. It is no joke! Much like how an alcoholic can't "just have one drink" or a drug addict can't have "just one fix". Or a gambling addict can't walk through a casino. After six days of zero porn whatsoever I figured whats the harm in just looking? I wasnt going to PMO, so why not just enjoy the scenery? About two days of that went by, and I thought I had a handle on it... but it sucks you in. Next thing you know, PMO. After that, I figured fuck it, lets take it to monday, then relapsed two more times. TODAY I START AGAIN. And I am stronger, because I know better the enemy I am up against here.

It made me realize something: you see all the common and stereotypical "addictions" (alcoholism, gambling, drugs, to name a few) and you can't help but wonder how they get caught up in that... I drink, I gamble, Ive done drugs... why can't "they" handle it? Well, this is just it: I AM an alcoholic, I AM a drug addict, I AM a gambling addict... only not to any of those things... its to PMO. Literally every guy I know uses porn and loves it, like I used to. But I have come to the sobering realization that I just cannot use it the way they do. I am an addict, and it is severely impacting my life. I really need your help, guys! Please stick with me. I am here for you all, too.
 
Damn, sorry to hear about your relapse
But you are here posting about it, straight back on the horse
You slipped up, but it's clear this is something you want to do, and something you can do
We are all trying to make a positive change - it's tough but it will be worth it! 💪
 
DAY 3:

Thanks for all the support dudes!! On Day 3 now, no PMO. Its been a bit tricky but not too bad... I won't really hold myself to any crediblity until after the 7 day mark because thats where I stumbled last time. Ill keep you posted!
 

downhillfromhere

Active Member
Good job on starting again. That's the key, just keep getting back up when you're down.
It's a dangerous thing to just look real quick - that's how things spin out of control, it's feeding the addiction directly. Trying to remind myself of this, to always keep my guard up.

Good luck!
 

viking1234

Member
Hey man... sorry I've been out of touch. I feel you, same thing happened to me today. It's exactly like alcohol! Let's fight this :)
 

Drewish

New Member
I'm up to day 6 the thoughts come in to my head why not just do it , it's that idle time that feels like it can get you
When I get those thoughts I tell my self
If you do want you always done you'll always get want you always got
If you do porn you'll always get I life that you don't want
 
DAY 7:

Still holding out strong! Made it a full week with no PMO... I admittedly have been looking at some material, but no PMO. I've thus far been able to resist that, but the urges are still there. Here is a question for the group: Is there any possible "acceptable" way to cum during your Reboot? Or is the Reboot process completely no cumming at all for the whole duration? If I cum but not using porn, does that still ruin my Reboot? Or is that my addict brain trying to fuck with me and slip me into a relapse? Please help!
 
DAY 7:

Still holding out strong! Made it a full week with no PMO... I admittedly have been looking at some material, but no PMO. I've thus far been able to resist that, but the urges are still there. Here is a question for the group: Is there any possible "acceptable" way to cum during your Reboot? Or is the Reboot process completely no cumming at all for the whole duration? If I cum but not using porn, does that still ruin my Reboot? Or is that my addict brain trying to fuck with me and slip me into a relapse? Please help!
Well as far as I understand people have different approaches to rebooting
I think most people agree the healthiest way is to cum with a partner
But if that's not possible then I think some people say a kind of "mindful masturbation" is okay - ie focusing more on the sensations of your own body
Also not using any porn substitutes

But other people say masturbation and porn have become so closely linked that we shouldn't masturbate, at least until we have healed
I have seen people use the metaphor of a broken bone - you will be able to use it in future, but for now you need to give it time to heal

So there are different approaches
I think you need to look inside yourself and think deeply about what is the right approach for you

(For me personally, I am married, but outside of orgasm with my wife I am trying not to orgasm at all)

Anyway one week down - great job brother. Stay strong! 💪
 
Hey everyone,

Sorry Ive been away for a while, work has been busy and... I wont lie I relapsed again. THIS IS LITERALLY THE HARDEST THING IVE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE. Its since been about 10 days since my relapse, and Im feeling really on edge and absolutely uncomfortable... I've looked through some porn recently but no PMO... so at least theres that! How does anyone actually go through with this??!

Its the weirdest thing in the world... I want to have sex with my gorgeous wife SO BAD, BUT I JUST CANT! I can't :( I need to get out of this.... BUT on a positive note, no PMO today.
 
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