PIED Recovery Journey! Accountability Journal, 39 Yrs old

Ugh, I can't lie to you guys, I just relapsed again. This is so fucking hard. I'm honestly getting embarrassed even posting here... I don't deserve to share a forum with everyone here doing so well... please dont think Im a complete fuck up, I really REALLY do want to Reboot... I HAVE TO! Im just such an addict its not even funny. I need to read about triggers and avoiding them, STAT. Please please please bear with me.
 
Hey man, sorry to hear about your relapse
But you are right here posting about it so I think you have the drive within you to change
Now it is just about finding and tapping into that inner strength - you got this brother! 💪
 

Onmyway19

Active Member
Embarrassment and shame is a natural response to a relapse, but staying there will only worsen the cycle. Be proud of holding yourself accountable and coming here to let go of that shame. There are no judges here. Only friends and support.
 
@Onmyway19 and @particularly_respecting Thank you so much for your encouragement! And for believing in me. Lets stick together for this whole ride. I've just underestimated the power of this by a ton. This is so much harder than I ever imagined. When I FIRST first started, I was so determined and made it 10 days with hardly a sweat... then relapsed. Since then I haven't made a week without relapse... its so weird. Its like my brain is against me... I will be suffering an extreme urge and my brain will think of some excuse to make it happen. Then afterwards, when I've had the fix, then I just feel shitty. Why does my brain do that? Shouldn't it be on my team??

Im in way more than I bargained for here... I was thinking two, maybe three months of Reboot would cure me right up, and Id be having amazing passionate sex with my wife come summertime... but I am starting to face the dark reality that my problem is deeper than I had anticipated, and it may take much, much longer to repair the damage done to my poor brain. It's sad... how could I have led myself down this path? How could I have been so irresponsible with one of the greatest things life has to offer? Its a disease, no doubt. And my outlook on addiction in general is completely turned around. I'm honestly floored at how much my perspective towards other addictions that you see "from the outside" has changed.

Sorry, going on a rant there. But there is a long road ahead of me... LONG road. Starting is the hardest part. Or is it?!? Feeling a little discouraged, but I truly cannot thank you friends enough. Lets stick together! Thank you for reading.
 

BlueDream

Member
Hey buddy, I want you to know that you’re not alone. I’ve been using PMO for over 2 decades and have been intermittently trying to stop now for years. I’ve recently doubled down my intensions and have been more active in attempting to address triggers and bad habits. I’m currently on day 10.

Our circumstances may be different however we still have the same dependency towards digital stimulus.

Your struggle is my struggle and we carry that burden together as a community. You have the courage to come back and tell the truth, I never had that strength.

I want to offer my support if you want a accountability partner, I could use a support system myself.

Please keep posting and I’ll keep looking for your posts to say hello.

Today you choose to be a different person than you were yesterday.

Best Regards
 
Hey buddy, I want you to know that you’re not alone. I’ve been using PMO for over 2 decades and have been intermittently trying to stop now for years. I’ve recently doubled down my intensions and have been more active in attempting to address triggers and bad habits. I’m currently on day 10.

Our circumstances may be different however we still have the same dependency towards digital stimulus.

Your struggle is my struggle and we carry that burden together as a community. You have the courage to come back and tell the truth, I never had that strength.

I want to offer my support if you want a accountability partner, I could use a support system myself.

Please keep posting and I’ll keep looking for your posts to say hello.

Today you choose to be a different person than you were yesterday.

Best Regards
Yes! I would love to be accountability partners... we all need as many as we can get. Yes you are right, at least I know that admitting this problem and confronting it is the most effective way of dealing wtih it... this is something that is definitely not focused on enough.

When I was experiencing ED, or just simply being unable whatsoever to perform sexually with my partner, the first thing I did was seek a doctor's help, which led to a prescription for Tadalafil (Cialus). I was so excited to try it, spend $200 on a supply and thought that all my troubles were gone. To my dismay... absolutely zero difference. It did NOTHING. Then I got worried... told the doctor, and we tried Viagra. Even got the large dose pills... NOTHING. Still as limp as could be. I asked if maybe this could be due to my use of pornography, straight up: and the answer was no: masturbation and porn use is perfectly normal and healthy behaviour, and not related to any ED whatsoever.

I didnt believe it. I truly felt that there was more to the story...

I kept digging, and HERE WE GO, this community, this story, this research, the brilliant Gabe Deem who had the courage to create this wonderful place... now I feel like Im onto something.

Thank you, and everyone else here for normalizing this condition. PIED is NO JOKE. Porn use is an addition, like any drug. We are all fighting this together.
 

BlueDream

Member
Hey bud, how’s it going these days? I hope you’re doing alright and that today is going well. Keep in touch
 
Hey bud, how’s it going these days? I hope you’re doing alright and that today is going well. Keep in touch
Hey man. I'm new to this forum and I'd like to join you guys as an accountability partner. I've been in the trenches with pied for 7 years now and it has denied me numerous romantic opportunities. Here's to keeping each other accountable
 
Hey man. I'm new to this forum and I'd like to join you guys as an accountability partner. I've been in the trenches with pied for 7 years now and it has denied me numerous romantic opportunities. Here's to keeping each other accountable
Hey! How have you been since April? Please don't think I do not want to be Accountability Partners, I really do... and i am in a better place to do it now (I hope).

I spent the last few months in serious relapse. I have NOT realized how seriously this addiction is, and how strong and how evil it is. My mind is literally poisoned... its warped, I'm totally fucked up. I KNOW this... and I am sorry. I will be a better Accountability Partner (AP) moving forward, I promise!
 
Hey bud, how’s it going these days? I hope you’re doing alright and that today is going well. Keep in touch
Hey bud,

Sorry I have been awful at keeping in touch... I went into a few months of relapse and I really did not realize how serious and evil this addiction really is. I promise to do better... hopefully I haven't lost you as an Accoutability Partner! I really do need people on my side.
 
Hey! How have you been since April? Please don't think I do not want to be Accountability Partners, I really do... and i am in a better place to do it now (I hope).

I spent the last few months in serious relapse. I have NOT realized how seriously this addiction is, and how strong and how evil it is. My mind is literally poisoned... its warped, I'm totally fucked up. I KNOW this... and I am sorry. I will be a better Accountability Partner (AP) moving forward, I promise!
Hey.it's all good. The past few months have been very rough for me too but giving up ain't an option. Day 2 for me since my last relapse
 
Hey.it's all good. The past few months have been very rough for me too but giving up ain't an option. Day 2 for me since my last relapse
Im here with you brother, Day 2 for me as well. Let's try to keep each other's cadence! We cannot give up... there is just too much on the line.
 
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