15 Year problem, and lets stop it there.

[pswizzle]

Like many of you, I was exposed to porn from a young age, when I was around 10. I wish I had known it would escalate to be such a problem. I've tried a few times on my own, but at 25, I'm hoping I can finally kick it, hopefully with support.

I genuinely can't think of the last time I went more than even 3 days without porn and masturbation. Seriously, it could be close to 10 years of daily use. I noticed when I've had sex that maintaining an erection was really difficult without constant stimulation, and I can count exactly 2 times where I've been able to orgasm from just penetrative sex, most of the time it just ends in me finishing myself or a handjob, and that sucks. I realize it makes my partners feel like they are doing something wrong, arent attractive etc. I thought getting some sex toys would help because I could stimulate in a way that wasn't my hand death-grip, but that hasn't helped much, because I still lose erections pretty quick while standing, or anything where I'm not laying on my back, especially getting tired from the physical movement. It sucks.

The past couple months I've noticed that I actually am starting to get pretty bad hand pains because I can spend like 2-3 hours just edging and watching porn clips on reddit or 4chan. Even knowing this, wanting to stop and being physically in PAIN, I still do it. Almost every morning, I wake up and check my phone for an hour or so and then spend the next 1-2 hours edging and watching porn. This has made me basically late to so many things, or have to skip breakfast, or just start my day at like 1pm - 3pm, and just feel like crap.

Starting March 1st I have not watched porn. I just found this community while searching about my issues, and I'm in. Hopefully journaling will help keep me oriented. I can already feel urges and like something is pulling me to watch, its such a scary feeling like I am not in control of myself. But I press onwards!

 

[nmmfm]

I like the way you write: simple and straight to the point. I will be following your journal! I am rooting for you.

Will you cut out masturbation too or just porn?

 

[pswizzle]

I like the way you write: simple and straight to the point. I will be following your journal! I am rooting for you.

Will you cut out masturbation too or just porn?

Thanks, I figured most everyone has read the same stuff over and over. No need to beat around the bush!

Yes fapping and porn, cold turkey.

 

[pswizzle]

Day 4, One thing i've noticed is when I'm bored or just facing some work I don't want to do (I work at home) my hand starts moving its way down down, its a reflex. So far though, this hasn't been as bad as the last times I've tried to quit it. I think i'm just more motivated to quit this time. I like the idea of journaling on here.

I am wondering if I should delete dating apps. To be honest I don't typically have much success on these things and browsing them just makes me feel bad and... you guessed it -> go fap. But then again maybe finding a girl will help keep me motivated. Any advice?

 

[nmmfm]

I am wondering if I should delete dating apps. To be honest I don't typically have much success on these things and browsing them just makes me feel bad and... you guessed it -> go fap. But then again maybe finding a girl will help keep me motivated. Any advice?

Have dating apps ever worked for you before? How do they make you feel?

Personally, I find them depressing. Too low a success rate. I've sworn off them. I prefer it this way - I'm more likely to hit on the women around me, and I think I'm more successful this way. And even if I don't "get the girl", at least I might have got some fun conversation, made a friend or had a nice time at some bar or something. It's kind of like quantity vs. quality (of opportunity).

I have to say also that in past streaks, dating apps were definitely a trigger for me.

my hand starts moving its way down down, its a reflex.

Can relate. You might want to read a bit about BFRBs (body-focused repetitive behaviors) (not sure if it totally applies to your particular behaviour though.)

 

[pswizzle]

I deleted them a while ago because ya, it was too depressing. I also found it difficult to muster enthusiasm for even women i'd matched with and was talking to. I only re-downloaded because I had recently been rejected by this girl i'd been spending a lot of time with.

 

[pswizzle]

Day 5, I tried to fap using a sex toy. No porn, no "hand movements". I guess just simulate sex as much as possible and well... rather unsuccessful. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised the same thing happens in actual sex. In a way I suppose it serves a clear example of why I need to make this change in my life. I am a bit amazed at how this early in my god, the urges are sooo strong. My body almost wants to go into shutdown mode just because I cant look at porn or fap.

 

[nmmfm]

Day 5, I tried to fap using a sex toy. No porn, no "hand movements". I guess just simulate sex as much as possible and well... rather unsuccessful. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised the same thing happens in actual sex. In a way I suppose it serves a clear example of why I need to make this change in my life. I am a bit amazed at how this early in my god, the urges are sooo strong. My body almost wants to go into shutdown mode just because I cant look at porn or fap.

Honestly I think this is a false equivalence. Sure, fucking your sex toy might be more similar to sex than hand masturbation, but sex is still very different. There are many factors to being turned on ... both in sex and in masturbation. I wouldn't be so quick to assume that you have PIED. (I know in my case, I thought I did, but soon realised it was simply performance anxiety. Mind you, excessive masturbation does make me less horny when I'm with a girl, and also less sensitive, and therefore less able to keep/get an erection and enjoy the experience.)

The urges will pass my friend! Make sure to reflect on the other components of your life - your day-to-day goals, your general mood, what's making you happy, what's bringing you down, etc.

 

[nmmfm]

How's it going?