To always start again

viking1234

viking1234

Active Member
Hey! New here...
Had tried using nofap before, with some results, but somehow the partners I found over there would go after a few days/weeks OR I'd relapse, get frustrated and just stop posting :( NOT NOW!
My story:
Around 30 years old, expat living in Norway, musician. In a couple for the past 4 years with someone I deeply love. Masturbating since I'm maybe 15/16, P started only when I was older... maybe 20/21? Had times where I'd do it only once a month, but for the past 7/8 years it's been 4 days. A month ago I managed to get to 7 days and I almost did 10, but never got to that.
P makes me really sad and I know it's the reason I don't get pleasure out of life anymore. I love my job and I used to enjoy so much the little things in life. I still do, but it's somehow different... So I want to change that! But somehow my brain doesn't accept that and thinks the only thing I need is P....
I cannot complain, I have everything I want in my life. I'd make me very happy to succeed in this aspect more than anything.
So this is day 0, for the 139086081360 time!
Thanks for listening,
viking1234

PS. Oh, and would be cool to have some accountability partners in this forum :)
 
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viking1234

viking1234

Active Member
Day 1! So far so good, the journey begins.
Reflecting on my triggers:
-when anything shit happens in life, I go back to this.
-when stress kicks in, I go back to this.
-when something hasn't worked out the way I wanted, I go back to this.

I realise I even become mean to my GF because I'm pissed off about this. This HAS to change!!!
BTW. I don't understand if I posted this thread in a wrong line. Can I move it to 30-39 y.o?
 
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Arthur_nogueira1000

Member
Exatamente, a pornografia é uma fuga da realidade para um mundo existente apenas na nossa imaginação, não nossa mente contaminada com a maldade das pessoas, das impurezas do mundo, e das pessoas que só querem ver o lado malicioso em tudo.
 
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Arthur_nogueira1000

Member
Sei que parece hipócrita dizer isso, mas com toda razão a algo errado em nós, sempre há alguma coisa ali, negativa, auto-destrutiva que te leva (dentre muitos outros caminhos) a pornografia. Devemos nos avaliar sempre se é isso que queremos para nós mesmos todos os dias, pois querendo ou não, nossos pensamentos diários influenciam na forma como agimos, e o mesmo na forma como nós somos.
 
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Arthur_nogueira1000

Member
Eu comecei a fazer terapia a alguns meses e recomendo a vocês fazerem o mesmo, sei que não é fácil lidar com nossos problemas as vezes, e como o próprio viking1234 nos disse: "quando alguma merda acontece na vida, eu volto para isso". Nada disso vale a pena, é apenas um prazer artificial que está te manipulando, que na verdade, é o produto de uma indústria manipuladora que utiliza das nossas vontades naturais de fazer sexo, da libido (atração sexual) para nos viciar.
 
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Arthur_nogueira1000

Member
viking1234 said:
Ei! Novo aqui...
Já havia tentado usar o nofap antes, com alguns resultados, mas depois fiquei meio desapontado, acho que quando tive uma recaída novamente.
Minha história:
Cerca de 30 anos, expatriado morando na Noruega, músico. Em um casal nos últimos 4 anos com alguém que amo profundamente. Me masturbando desde que eu tenho talvez 15/16, P começou só quando eu era mais velho... talvez 20/21? Houve momentos em que eu faria isso apenas uma vez por mês, mas nos últimos 7/8 anos foram 4 dias. Há um mês consegui chegar a 7 dias e quase fiz 10, mas nunca cheguei a isso.
Isso me deixa muito triste e eu sei que é a razão pela qual eu não tenho mais prazer na vida. Então eu quero mudar isso! Mas de alguma forma meu cérebro não aceita isso e pensa que a única coisa que eu preciso é P....
Não posso reclamar, tenho tudo que quero na minha vida. Eu ficaria muito feliz em ter sucesso neste aspecto mais do que qualquer coisa.
Então este é o dia 0, para o horário 139086081360!
Obrigado por ouvir,
viking1234

PS. Ah, e seria legal ter alguns parceiros de responsabilidade neste
Click to expand...
Confesso que, assim como você, preciso de um parceiro de responsabilidade. O que me diz? Afinal, estamos juntos nessa.
 
viking1234

viking1234

Active Member
I relapsed today...
it feels pretty shit, but I knew it wasn't going to be a flat road.
Also, I got corona last week, so I've been home a lot lately, which does NOT help. Luckily I'm going back to work tomorrow.

Tomorrow is a new day I guess?
 
viking1234

viking1234

Active Member
After a good 8-day streak, relapsed again today. Feels terrible.
I've been so much home lately (have had corona almost two and a half weeks ago and I haven't recovered since) that it is kind of difficult to avoid all the triggers :(
And so it begins again...
 
viking1234

viking1234

Active Member
Day 1, again.
The last few weeks have been hard, as I mentioned - I've got corona so have had everything from fever to random body pains, which hasn't helped my anxiety, and that led to more PMO the past two weeks.

Today I start again, after a nice 8 day streak. It always ends up the same, and it'be just oh so easy to say 'I'm not doing this today' and just continue. To have my phone around is my biggest stressor, so trying to work on that.

And in the end, it isn't worth it, at all! I'm going to fight this drug.

So far the day has been good. Had a little anxiety yesterday, corona related, but much better already. Slept good, eating good. Went for a longer walk than usual, so hopefully the energies after the virus are coming back.
 
particularly_respecting

particularly_respecting

Active Member
viking1234 said:
To have my phone around is my biggest stressor, so trying to work on that.
Click to expand...
Hope you're feeling better

Yeah - phones are tough. It's a dopamine drip we carry with us everywhere
Dunno if it's practical for your situation, but one thing that helped me was to connect my phone to a bluetooth speaker, then put the phone in another room.
It means I can still hear notifications, stream music, etc. but the temptation to pick it up is lessened

Anyway you're straight back in the fight - that shows you've got the drive to beat this 💪
 
viking1234

viking1234

Active Member
Day 3 today.
Day 2 went by well. Weekends tend to be easier because both my GF and me are home most of the time, together. We might go somewhere but the point is the same: I'm with someone, so it tends to be easier.
Read a very good book by Matt Haig (love that guy) called "Reasons to stay alive". Not that I have depression, but it helps against anxiety as well. And gave me plenty of ideas for how I approach life, how little time we have, and how to value what we have here, now. And stop PMO because it isn't worth it.

Let's see what day 3 brings, but I'm being more careful regarding phone usage. And I'm so in "life is short and you have to enjoy it, don't fuck up with silly things" mode, that hopefully that wins over "hey, have some easy P".

Cheers!
viking1234
 
viking1234

viking1234

Active Member
Day 5 today.
Days 3 and 4 went OK. I was free, pretty much home. Recovery from Covid is still tough... three weeks+ now, feels like ages. And I still get tired soooo easily.
Good news is no PMO.
What I'm scared about, the mood has been up and down, up and down, so I hope that doesn't end up in PMO. So much doubts and fear about when I'd be able to work again (my work is very physical), if I'd have enough money, if I'd be able to go on holidays, and when this sh¨t virus is going to finally leave my body.
Hope for the best.
Cheers!
viking1234
 
viking1234

viking1234

Active Member
Day 6 today.
Day 5 went OK. Had a lot to do and I end up so exhausted after anything (covid recovery still...) that I don't have much energy for anything basically...
I'm realising it helps to write this diary. Keeps me grounded. Just to check in and make sure I'm still on track.
Tomorrow is going to be the first milestone. More importantly, I need to get to day 10 for the first time.
Here we go!
Cheers :)
viking1234
 
particularly_respecting

particularly_respecting

Active Member
viking1234 said:
I'm realising it helps to write this diary. Keeps me grounded. Just to check in and make sure I'm still on track.
Click to expand...
Yeah definitely agree with this - I've been making a conscious effort to post every day for the same reason

You're on the verge of your first milestone. Great work!
No doubt you'll smash 10 days too, I'm sure 💪
 
viking1234

viking1234

Active Member
Blondie said:
You're doing great Viking! Hitting a new milestone is a great feeling.
Click to expand...
Thanks Blondie!

particularly_respecting said:
Yeah definitely agree with this - I've been making a conscious effort to post every day for the same reason

You're on the verge of your first milestone. Great work!
No doubt you'll smash 10 days too, I'm sure 💪
Click to expand...
Thanks particulary_respecting :) I certainly hope so!

Day 7 today. First week, woohoo!
Can't say it's been tough yesterday. The day went by super OK, then the dangerous moment arrived: my GF went to sleep, I stayed on the couch. I bypassed my phone protection as I lately discovered (no way around that unfortunately, but I appreciate the extra protection, makes me think about it twice at least) and was about to open the browser when I suddenly stopped and thought 'wtf am I doing? Why this again?' If I really want a change, I got to be that change. It's every small step. And then I thought about how little enjoyment PMO gives in the end and how much it takes away from my daily life. Then I turned off my phone and went to bed, very proud of myself.
I woke up at 5.30 am somehow, between the seagulls and the light I couldn't sleep anymore. I wonder if PMO abstinence has a bit to do with that.

So I reached a week. Been here before. I know now it gets really dangerous... now I have to be strong. I'm happy I made it here - falling snow has never been so beautiful before.

Cheers,
viking1234
 
viking1234

viking1234

Active Member
Bad news today. I relapsed. Was one my best streaks so far though, 8 days. However, the disappointment is there. Yesterday evening I looked at some P, though mostly keeping it in the erotic side, and after 15 minutes I said 'no come on, what are you doing?' and went to sleep. This morning I'm home alone though and I just went for it and relapsed.
I realised a couple of things:
1) My brain tries to justify this shit. Yesterday was my last day in one of my jobs, "so I needed some prize". My GF was not in the mood but there were some kisses, which turned me on even more...
2) I have absolutely no control of urges, and here I need some tips. What do I do when an urge comes? I feel completely lost and with no willpower at all.

So yeah, feeling pretty bad about it, but happy at least that it was a good streak. I knew it wasn't going to be a straight road....
This cannot be a fall!
Difficult times ahead, since I'm going to be spending more time home alone...

cheers,
viking1234

EDIT:
I was so disappointed at myself that I relapsed one more time. C'mon man! Tomorrow is a new day.
 
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