To always start again
- Thread starter viking1234
- Start date
viking1234
Active Member
Day 0, again.
I'm spending so much time home that it's really hard to not get into autopilot.
I've sketched a bit of a 'work/study' plan to put some structure into my day. I'm praying and meditating. Don't know what else to do!
I'm spending so much time home that it's really hard to not get into autopilot.
I've sketched a bit of a 'work/study' plan to put some structure into my day. I'm praying and meditating. Don't know what else to do!
viking1234
Active Member
Not really... I need some working tools that are home and that I can't find anywhere else.
Day 2 today. Everything OK so far.
Quite low on energy, although that could be so many things, but I somehow feel it's the withdrawal. Also because I slowly notice some mood swings and me being mean to (specially) my girlfriend.
It's funny how everything in daily life seems to boring once you stop PMO... shows you how f up this is.
I've been watching videos from a Dr. Trish Leigh about withdrawal. I think it helps, I'll keep doing it.
Viking
Day 2 today. Everything OK so far.
Quite low on energy, although that could be so many things, but I somehow feel it's the withdrawal. Also because I slowly notice some mood swings and me being mean to (specially) my girlfriend.
It's funny how everything in daily life seems to boring once you stop PMO... shows you how f up this is.
I've been watching videos from a Dr. Trish Leigh about withdrawal. I think it helps, I'll keep doing it.
Viking
viking1234
Active Member
Bad news today... just relapsed after a 5 day streak.
It feels better than other times though, since it was way less than the usual (10 minutes) and with kind of soft P, also better in that sense.
I feel I learnt a lot this time, for the first time I could control my urges and face them, and that's huge.
I need to stay focused now and keep the good things I learned going.
I read a neuroscientist saying that when you get an urge you have 5 seconds to decide what to do, after which time, you're already in, so I'm trying to replace this with a good habit. Tough.
Viking
It feels better than other times though, since it was way less than the usual (10 minutes) and with kind of soft P, also better in that sense.
I feel I learnt a lot this time, for the first time I could control my urges and face them, and that's huge.
I need to stay focused now and keep the good things I learned going.
I read a neuroscientist saying that when you get an urge you have 5 seconds to decide what to do, after which time, you're already in, so I'm trying to replace this with a good habit. Tough.
Viking
Blondie
Respected Member
Hey @viking1234, hang in there man. If this was easy, none of us would be here.
You got this!
This is good.
Nice job on staying off of it for a long time. Anything is better than nothing.
You got this!
viking1234
Active Member
Thank you for the support, Blondie and Androg.
Bad news today - I was not quick enough and ended up relapsing to half hour P.
There was a point when I realised I was about to have an urge, but went all in and couldn't resist.
Need to keep trying...
Bad news today - I was not quick enough and ended up relapsing to half hour P.
There was a point when I realised I was about to have an urge, but went all in and couldn't resist.
Need to keep trying...
What about “porn is not an option“ as a mantra?
Blondie
Respected Member
It's okay @viking1234.
Are there any extreme measures you could take to give yourself a good bit of time for your brain to heal from this?
- talk to your girlfriend about this for accountability (sorry I forget if you have one, I believe you do)
- possibly use a blocker? I don't use those but some people like them
- go to a local group for accountability?
Just some ideas
best brother.
Are there any extreme measures you could take to give yourself a good bit of time for your brain to heal from this?
- talk to your girlfriend about this for accountability (sorry I forget if you have one, I believe you do)
- possibly use a blocker? I don't use those but some people like them
- go to a local group for accountability?
Just some ideas
best brother.
viking1234
Active Member
I've tried other measures. I was a bit in these nofap groups without much success - they were exactly on the same time I had to work, so it was on and off, and I never really felt it was helping.
I mentioned it once to my GF, the problem is she doesn't seem to mind that I touch myself, and she's OK with P. I think she doesn't realise though how big this is for me...
I do have a blocker on, but unfortunately I found a workaround I cannot block, and I'd have to change the phone to solve that. I have two phones: a 'dumb' phone and a smartphone. I try using the dumbphone most of the time (this was a personal decision to be more involved in daily life) but every now and then I pick up the smartphone. I think then the key would be to avoid using the smartphone at all costs!
Where I live there are unfortunately no accountability groups...
Anyway, day 1. All good so far.
I mentioned it once to my GF, the problem is she doesn't seem to mind that I touch myself, and she's OK with P. I think she doesn't realise though how big this is for me...
I do have a blocker on, but unfortunately I found a workaround I cannot block, and I'd have to change the phone to solve that. I have two phones: a 'dumb' phone and a smartphone. I try using the dumbphone most of the time (this was a personal decision to be more involved in daily life) but every now and then I pick up the smartphone. I think then the key would be to avoid using the smartphone at all costs!
Where I live there are unfortunately no accountability groups...
Anyway, day 1. All good so far.
Blondie
Respected Member
Hi @viking1234.
Could you mentioned to your GF how serious this is to you, and that you would love to have her keep you accountable by asking you everyday? I did this for myself, because my GF as yours didn't have a problem with it, but she gladly wanted to help me, so she started to ask me.
Just a thought.
Best
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viking1234
Active Member
Day 2.
Quite stressed because of work today... I feel because I had to study such a broad field I never got the chance to develop some practical skills I seem to need now. On top of that I feel the up and downs of withdrawal and today is feeling very much 'I'm not worthy' and 'just go and PMO, what else are you good for?'
Trying to tackle that with some good old meditation and some activities I actually enjoy like being with my dog or just chilling.
I like the idea, Blondie, I'm just terribly scared how she'll react to the whole and I'm not sure I dare to (yet?).
Quite stressed because of work today... I feel because I had to study such a broad field I never got the chance to develop some practical skills I seem to need now. On top of that I feel the up and downs of withdrawal and today is feeling very much 'I'm not worthy' and 'just go and PMO, what else are you good for?'
Trying to tackle that with some good old meditation and some activities I actually enjoy like being with my dog or just chilling.
I like the idea, Blondie, I'm just terribly scared how she'll react to the whole and I'm not sure I dare to (yet?).
Blondie
Respected Member
viking1234
Active Member
Day 6.
OK so far. Still with some mood swings, everything seems negatively extreme. Either extremely boring, extremely frustrating or extremely something, but not extremely nice. I know that's progress though, coming back to my center and normal balance.
The frustration keeps telling me to 'just PMO since it's not worth it' but I'm trying not to listen to the stupid voice in my head.
On a way, seems like I'm going crazy but I know I have to keep fighting.
Best,
Viking
OK so far. Still with some mood swings, everything seems negatively extreme. Either extremely boring, extremely frustrating or extremely something, but not extremely nice. I know that's progress though, coming back to my center and normal balance.
The frustration keeps telling me to 'just PMO since it's not worth it' but I'm trying not to listen to the stupid voice in my head.
On a way, seems like I'm going crazy
but I know I have to keep fighting.Best,
Viking
Withdrawal is miserable. But the addicted brain argues that everything is hopeless, and often it wins, because things feel hopeless when your dopamine sensitivity is decreased. As you become more sensitive to it, everyday pleasures once again make life feel like it’s worth living. Stay strong!Day 6.
OK so far. Still with some mood swings, everything seems negatively extreme. Either extremely boring, extremely frustrating or extremely something, but not extremely nice. I know that's progress though, coming back to my center and normal balance.
The frustration keeps telling me to 'just PMO since it's not worth it' but I'm trying not to listen to the stupid voice in my head.
On a way, seems like I'm going crazy
Best,
Viking
.
Blondie
Respected Member
Stay strong @viking1234.
Now's the time to make yourself (force yourself) to do something else that's pleasurable to you: workout, go for a walk, listen to music, whatever it is that YOU like. Our brains love to play tricks on us, now is the time to play tricks on it. Create a new habit that you can run to to cope with life's problems and stresses.
Best
Now's the time to make yourself (force yourself) to do something else that's pleasurable to you: workout, go for a walk, listen to music, whatever it is that YOU like. Our brains love to play tricks on us, now is the time to play tricks on it. Create a new habit that you can run to to cope with life's problems and stresses.
Best
viking1234
Active Member
Hey guys,
so I watched a bit of P, around 20', but could luckily get out of the situation without finishing.
I'm feeling pretty low and unmotivated on the work side so it was very easy to slip and think that's the only way.
At some point it felt like I didn't even want to be watching and playing. It was weird. Anyhow, I'm counting is as a reset but going forward with a clean(er) conscience.
so I watched a bit of P, around 20', but could luckily get out of the situation without finishing.
I'm feeling pretty low and unmotivated on the work side so it was very easy to slip and think that's the only way.
At some point it felt like I didn't even want to be watching and playing. It was weird. Anyhow, I'm counting is as a reset but going forward with a clean(er) conscience.
viking1234
Active Member
So... turns out you were right, Androg, you have to be extra careful when something like that happens.
after a 10 day streak with a small hiccup, I relapsed this morning to P.
I won't give up.
Things I learnt this time: no matter the small amount of naked ladies you see using any kind of reasoning 'just to see what's new' or 'it won't be long, only 10 minutes', it doesn't end up well.
Starting again.
after a 10 day streak with a small hiccup, I relapsed this morning to P.
I won't give up.
Things I learnt this time: no matter the small amount of naked ladies you see using any kind of reasoning 'just to see what's new' or 'it won't be long, only 10 minutes', it doesn't end up well.
Starting again.
True. Another truth. No matter the amount of naked ladies you see on the internet you aren't actually having sex with them. You aren't actually getting anything. It's all bullshit.
You aren't actually missing out on anything by skipping porn, because it was never actually giving you anything to begin with.