To always start again

viking1234

Active Member
Bad news today.
Relapsed again.
I think I'm going to ask a friend to hold me accountable. I just feel I cannot do this alone :(
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Bad news today.
Relapsed again.
I think I'm going to ask a friend to hold me accountable. I just feel I cannot do this alone :(
It's okay @viking1234, if this was easy, no one would be here. I think this is a great idea. Just the very action of opening up to someone can really be healing.

Best brother.
 

viking1234

Active Member
Day 5. Quite a lot to do lately so not a lot of urges or thoughts. Feeling a bit tired and every now and then I get P flashbacks.
Somehow the resolve seems stronger considering I've told a friend. Hoping for the best!
 

viking1234

Active Member
Day 6.
Yesterday was tough in the end, I got a pretty bad mood swing and felt like shit. Weird, it's like I had been living on extremes and then all of a sudden life is not exciting anymore, which is understandable considering how much of a drug this is...
Anyhow, I know it'll get bad before it gets good again.
Good news is that I have some family coming to visit soon, whom I haven't seen in almost two years :)

Viking
 

viking1234

Active Member
Day 7.
Boredom continues, everything feels untasteful. Strong cravings, sex or anything...
Also, I realize how mad I get whenever my GF is not in the mood, so I'm trying to change that.
The anticipation is what's terrible...
 

Blondie

Respected Member
It's all part of the process, the boredom, restlessness. I'm trying to get back into eating well again, and I'm having some of the same "symptoms". I feel like life's no more fun and eating well kind a boring, etc. It's lame but it's the facts, you just have to push through it.

Best brother.
 

viking1234

Active Member
Unfortunately, I just realised I have another smartphone and ended up watching a bit, around 20'. Didn't finish though.
I'm counting it as a reset and I know I have to be extra careful the next few days. I'll get rid of the second smartphone (family needed one) and use only the one that has the accountability software on it, which is a HUGE deterrent, more than the blocker, I'd say.
Pushing through with 8 days without NOTHING at all, my best record in quite a while.

Thanks Blondie, Androg and Wink :)
 

WinkTinkTillium

Active Member
I hope the time with the family trip went well! Glad to hear you identified a danger area and eliminated the other phone. 8 days is awesome! They can be rough for sure the ups and down and the different emotions, i focus on trying to find new hobbies or goals during these times, exercise, walks, outside time etc. Do not discount the healing that happened in 8 days because its a lot more than you may realize. Every day away from Porn is a day of healing and it all really adds up over time making the time and how it feels better/easier.

For example my best streak was 92 days - and i am currently on 24 days right now and yes it took me a while between the 92 streak to my recent restart but i didnt destroy myself in that non accountability period. Before the 92 day streak i had many many many 2 week streaks, 3 weeks streaks, a few 4 week streaks, and a few full on bad relapses. But i truly believe those periods of healing really really matter. I believe the ease of the current streak (not having nearly as much negative feelings or ups and downs is due to the healing from those times before or perhaps training on what to expect or how to counter it, not sure.

But 8 days is really awesome and even if you are choosing to restart (I did that many times too from grey areas, so i get it) you've got this. Use this as your drive, your power. Kick its ass @viking1234
 

viking1234

Active Member
Bad news.. I relapsed yesterday evening.
I used my other phone a second time, then I thought 'this is not going well' so I installed the same accountability software. And that was ok.
Howeeeever, in the evening I made the mistake of not going to bed right away and even taking my GFs phone to have 5 minutes of P, and ended up relapsing.
It feels really stupid and the fact of taking her phone is shocking. I hope I can still build on what I achieved and have more time to meditate (this week was quite busy) so as to avoid these sort of things by for example going to bed at once...

Anyhow, starting over. I'm stronger than this!
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Bad news.. I relapsed yesterday evening.
I used my other phone a second time, then I thought 'this is not going well' so I installed the same accountability software. And that was ok.
Howeeeever, in the evening I made the mistake of not going to bed right away and even taking my GFs phone to have 5 minutes of P, and ended up relapsing.
It feels really stupid and the fact of taking her phone is shocking. I hope I can still build on what I achieved and have more time to meditate (this week was quite busy) so as to avoid these sort of things by for example going to bed at once...

Anyhow, starting over. I'm stronger than this!
It has been said that the addicted mind is cunning and baffling. You’re up against an enemy with “outposts in your head.” Be on guard!
 

viking1234

Active Member
After another 5 day streak, I unfortunately relapsed again this morning. I wiped the data of the one smartphone I don't use in order to deactivate the accountability software...

That's it, I'm giving that one smartphone I don't use to my family to have. That way it'll be in another continent :=)
The other smartphone I cannot possibly wipe out, so that's good.

Otherwise extremely busy this week, last week before the holidays, so didn't have time to meditate or have some time for me, which obviously didn't help :(

Starting over again.
Viking
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
There will always be triggers. Triggers are not permission to relapse.😁 Triggers are the way you build your resistance muscles. Good luck with your new streak.
 

viking1234

Active Member
Long time no see...
Between the family visits and some holidays, I've hardly had time to post here.
Let's start with the bad news first: I relapsed yesterday.
Good thing: I had a two week streak before I relapsed to non P (just a girl pic, not even bikinis) and then another week before I relapsed yesterday.
I guess it's slow progress?

Starting over again...
Viking
 

viking1234

Active Member
Day 3.
All good so far, really... Nothing new to report. Tried to keep myself busy, playa some vídeo games, read, be outside now that the weather is nice.
But I know it'll come... So I'm getting ready :)
Viking
 

viking1234

Active Member
Day 6 today.
Have family visits again for the week, so kind of busy.
Today I'm at home alone though, so I know there'll be more danger.
Trying to stay afloat... yesterday I was really moody and completely exhausted, today already much better. I felt so different while meditating, so peaceful and clean as I hadn't in a long time - all the more reason to be strong.

Viking
 
Top