TheFuture1
Member
So coming back to these ideas about decision making and how they apply to me.
I can definitely identify with how short-term emotions can make me slow and timid and reluctant to take action. I think that some of this is the depression sensing danger and imminent defeat and telling me to "go to the back of the cave and hide".
I also really identify with seeing "too much complexity", failing to see the most important factor etc. "When we revel in complexity, we may cycle through our options constantly, changing our minds from day to day. But that kind of mental circling is risky, because it means that our choice may be determined by where we are on the merry-go-round when we’re forced to make a final call.". I've definitely been in that state a lot in my life.
I get stuck in a mindset where I feel compelled to not take the leap but I know that by not making a decision, I'm only making things worse for my self. I'm scared to make a decision but also scared of leaving things the same.
I think that some of the getting lost in the details is driven by the worry, trying to make sure that things don't go wrong.
I also think that confirmation bias comes into this.
"We are all pretty good at digging up disconfirming information to respond to a sales pitch."
"The problem comes, of course, when we sort of want to be sold."
"Sometimes we think we’re gathering information when we’re actually fishing for support."
"When we want something to be true, we gather information that supports our desire. But the confirmation bias doesn’t just affect what information people go looking for; it even affects what they notice in the first place."
All of this seems really important to me. I think my confirmation bias could sometimes be to look for reasons to not do something, driven by fear, rather than reasons to do something, driven by desire. The problem gets worse when every option starts to trigger fear and then I start cycling through options, worrying and over-thinking.
I'm reminded of the ideas from the "Chimp Paradox" about how we think about success and confidence and how these can trigger feelings of calm which help our performance or fear that might hinder our performance. Remembering this and trying to reframe success and confidence might help with some of the fear that gets in the way or me thinking clearly.
I also think there's a lot in "Decisive" that's very related to some of the ideas from psychology that I've been reading about. The ideas from the chapter about honouring our core values seemed particularly relevant. The whole idea of self-image comes into play. Sometimes I get into a mindset where I'm focused on proving something (eg. proving that I'm not stupid) and this gets in the way of me pursuing my most important goals and certainly triggers a lot of fear.
One more thing that I'm struck by is this idea of self-distancing. Imagining what other people would do, imagining the advice that you would give to a friend or that a friend would give to you. Seems very related to the sense of self and ideas like empathy etc. Also, I often imagine people gloating about me making bad decisions rather than advising me and wanting to help me. I think a lot of this goes back to the inner critical parent. "Taking advice" gets reimagined in my head as "do what you're told".
Another thing is this idea of confirmation bias. This idea of arguing against a sales person, becoming more entrenched in your views the more they are challenged and so on. I feel like these become inner dialogues for me. In the book. "The Intelligence Trap", it goes into more detail about the confirmation bias and how it may have evolved along with the desire to justify ourselves as early humans' social groups became more and more complex.
I know that my fear has a way of wanting to justify itself and resisting counter-arguments from myself or others. I think there's also something her about empathising with the fear rather than trying to argue it out of existence. There's some other things I've read that relate to this so I'd like to draw on these ideas as well.
Other ideas that I'd like to think about more are the idea of focusing in on the key factors and how that's often easier when thinking about someone else's situation rather than our own. This idea of how our brain can focus on key factors is one that I've come across before. It is also something that I've struggled with a lot so I'd like to give it more thought.
Another idea that I think is important is the idea of "honouring our core values" and of how this kind of introspection can be highly confusing.
All ideas that I'll have to return to later in the week.
I can definitely identify with how short-term emotions can make me slow and timid and reluctant to take action. I think that some of this is the depression sensing danger and imminent defeat and telling me to "go to the back of the cave and hide".
I also really identify with seeing "too much complexity", failing to see the most important factor etc. "When we revel in complexity, we may cycle through our options constantly, changing our minds from day to day. But that kind of mental circling is risky, because it means that our choice may be determined by where we are on the merry-go-round when we’re forced to make a final call.". I've definitely been in that state a lot in my life.
I get stuck in a mindset where I feel compelled to not take the leap but I know that by not making a decision, I'm only making things worse for my self. I'm scared to make a decision but also scared of leaving things the same.
I think that some of the getting lost in the details is driven by the worry, trying to make sure that things don't go wrong.
I also think that confirmation bias comes into this.
"We are all pretty good at digging up disconfirming information to respond to a sales pitch."
"The problem comes, of course, when we sort of want to be sold."
"Sometimes we think we’re gathering information when we’re actually fishing for support."
"When we want something to be true, we gather information that supports our desire. But the confirmation bias doesn’t just affect what information people go looking for; it even affects what they notice in the first place."
All of this seems really important to me. I think my confirmation bias could sometimes be to look for reasons to not do something, driven by fear, rather than reasons to do something, driven by desire. The problem gets worse when every option starts to trigger fear and then I start cycling through options, worrying and over-thinking.
I'm reminded of the ideas from the "Chimp Paradox" about how we think about success and confidence and how these can trigger feelings of calm which help our performance or fear that might hinder our performance. Remembering this and trying to reframe success and confidence might help with some of the fear that gets in the way or me thinking clearly.
I also think there's a lot in "Decisive" that's very related to some of the ideas from psychology that I've been reading about. The ideas from the chapter about honouring our core values seemed particularly relevant. The whole idea of self-image comes into play. Sometimes I get into a mindset where I'm focused on proving something (eg. proving that I'm not stupid) and this gets in the way of me pursuing my most important goals and certainly triggers a lot of fear.
One more thing that I'm struck by is this idea of self-distancing. Imagining what other people would do, imagining the advice that you would give to a friend or that a friend would give to you. Seems very related to the sense of self and ideas like empathy etc. Also, I often imagine people gloating about me making bad decisions rather than advising me and wanting to help me. I think a lot of this goes back to the inner critical parent. "Taking advice" gets reimagined in my head as "do what you're told".
Another thing is this idea of confirmation bias. This idea of arguing against a sales person, becoming more entrenched in your views the more they are challenged and so on. I feel like these become inner dialogues for me. In the book. "The Intelligence Trap", it goes into more detail about the confirmation bias and how it may have evolved along with the desire to justify ourselves as early humans' social groups became more and more complex.
I know that my fear has a way of wanting to justify itself and resisting counter-arguments from myself or others. I think there's also something her about empathising with the fear rather than trying to argue it out of existence. There's some other things I've read that relate to this so I'd like to draw on these ideas as well.
Other ideas that I'd like to think about more are the idea of focusing in on the key factors and how that's often easier when thinking about someone else's situation rather than our own. This idea of how our brain can focus on key factors is one that I've come across before. It is also something that I've struggled with a lot so I'd like to give it more thought.
Another idea that I think is important is the idea of "honouring our core values" and of how this kind of introspection can be highly confusing.
All ideas that I'll have to return to later in the week.