Im not going to feel like this again

[P234]

Hey everyone.

Today was my first day as a rebooter. I'll talk about my story a bit before getting to some doubts I have. I started consuming porn at around 13. I started like everyone does, doing it every once in a while, but as I grew older I began to watch it more frequently. I have never had a gf and right now I'm finding it hard to think that I ever will. In porn I found the dopamine I needed, and it became addicting. A couple of years ago I lost my motivation for studying and doing productive stuff and I´m still wondering if it was related to this addiction. And about that same time I discovered porn games. That is, I think, when my addiction became stronger. As time passed I began to need more intense porn and porn games and for the last week I´ve been feeling really shitty because of this. My tiktok fyp was full of thirst traps and most times I ended going back to the hub. I'm not really sure I have a problem with attraction to girls, as I have seen in other people who say they just dont care anymore about anything other than the looks. Also, I dont know if I have PIED because I've never had gf or intercourse.

It took me sometime accepting that I may have a problem, but I keep asking myself wether it's actually affecting my life in a negative way or if I'm just looking for an excuse for my problems. For that reason, I'm curious to see if other people are having a similar problem and if anyone else thinks Im on the right path to solve it.

Either way I have decided to start a journal to track my progress.

Day 1
Today was my first day and it was not super hard. I've had some urge to do it but I can control it without problems.

 

[SmokenMirrors]

It took me sometime accepting that I may have a problem, but I keep asking myself wether it's actually affecting my life in a negative way or if I'm just looking for an excuse for my problems. For that reason, I'm curious to see if other people are having a similar problem and if anyone else thinks Im on the right path to solve it.

This sounds a lot like your addiction attempting to justify a relapse! Your brain fights you because it is craving porn and PMO. You're on the right path by quitting. It's general consensus that people without any sexual experience are more susceptible to becoming addicted. Keep up the abstinence and update this journal daily! I find that it really helps me (Day 31 over here)

 

[P234]

This sounds a lot like your addiction attempting to justify a relapse! Your brain fights you because it is craving porn and PMO. You're on the right path by quitting. It's general consensus that people without any sexual experience are more susceptible to becoming addicted. Keep up the abstinence and update this journal daily! I find that it really helps me (Day 31 over here)

Thank you for your support ^^ You gave me the confidence I needed to keep going
Also Id like to ask something: Can I relieve myself with just imagination? Should I just stop watching P or quit altogether?

 

[SmokenMirrors]

Thank you for your support ^^ You gave me the confidence I needed to keep going
Also Id like to ask something: Can I relieve myself with just imagination? Should I just stop watching P or quit altogether?

You cannot use imagination! That is essentially porn. My advice is the hard 90. No P, no M, no O. No imagining sexual scenarios, you can't even look at bikini pics! We're trying to unwire neural pathways which is a herculean task. If you accidently come across anything even remotely sexual (a girls holiday pics on instagram for example) you need to click away immediately and not think about it. This is all crucial for your recovery!

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

You cannot use imagination! That is essentially porn. My advice is the hard 90. No P, no M, no O. No imagining sexual scenarios, you can't even look at bikini pics! We're trying to unwire neural pathways which is a herculean task. If you accidently come across anything even remotely sexual (a girls holiday pics on instagram for example) you need to click away immediately and not think about it. This is all crucial for your recovery!

Yes, I couldn't have said it better and shorter. This is the core of quitting porn. Everything else (habits, working out, building a life etc etc, comes on top of the core, like a gaming engine). I like to call this "Keeping the dopamine of porn as low as possible". It's been the core of my longest streaks. Of course, the "everything else" that I just mentioned can make the recovery better but the core of this addiction is dopamine released as a reaction to porn. Everything you've written there released dopamine of porn and avoiding to interact with that will keep this dopamine of porn to the minimum. Everybody keep this in mind: We are not addicted to porn, we are addicted to the dopamine released as a reaction to porn. Understanding this starts a great course of events. Peace!

 

[P234]

Then I'll do that. Quit masturbating completely. Now let me tell you about this past two days.

Day 3
It´s been a bit hard. Every morning I get this huge urge to watch some porn... so big that it's almost painful, but I managed to resist so I'm proud of that. Also during the evening, when I don't have much to do, I really feel like rubbing one out but I focus on other activities, like reading some books I had on the shelf. I've been clean for 70 hours now
As a sidenote, sometimes porn comes to my mind and I remember that I'm never having that tempting dopamine again and it makes me a bit sad.

 

[forestwater]

As a sidenote, sometimes porn comes to my mind and I remember that I'm never having that tempting dopamine again and it makes me a bit sad

Have you read Easy Peasy yet? If so, you should - it helped me a lot. The main idea is that if you spend your time missing porn, thinking about how nice it would be to just go back to it, etc. you will keep reinforcing the neural pathways that tell you "porn = good". But it's not! Porn brings 0 positive things into your life, and countless negatives.

Try this: every time you find yourself missing porn, remind yourself of all the ways that it harms you, and then rejoice that you are now free of that curse. Instead of being sad over what you're "losing," focus on what you're gaining: a healthier, happier life!

 

[SmokenMirrors]

Then I'll do that. Quit masturbating completely. Now let me tell you about this past two days.

Day 3
It´s been a bit hard. Every morning I get this huge urge to watch some porn... so big that it's almost painful, but I managed to resist so I'm proud of that. Also during the evening, when I don't have much to do, I really feel like rubbing one out but I focus on other activities, like reading some books I had on the shelf. I've been clean for 70 hours now
As a sidenote, sometimes porn comes to my mind and I remember that I'm never having that tempting dopamine again and it makes me a bit sad.

Day 3 is a huge achievement! You should be proud! I have the exact same thing, I also sometimes feel sad when I think of no porn. However, it has gotten easier with time as a new perspective has shone over the horizon. Around day 30 was the cutoff for me. As forestwater said, learn to hate porn!

 

[P234]

Thanks everyone. I'll give Easy Peasy a try @forestwater ^^

Day 5
I've reached 100 hours clean. I feel like it's getting easier each passing day and I'm getting used to not thinking about porn. The tiktok algorithm is slowly cleaning my fyp of boobs and butts and other thirst traps. I've started going to the gym and I feel a bit more motivated than usual.

 

[SmokenMirrors]

Great progress!

 

[P234]

Day 7
Well... I've made it to a week. Today I was really close to a relapse but I stayed strong. I don't know if I'm happier than before but I'm gonna keep going and trust the process.

 

[SmokenMirrors]

Big progress!

 

[P234]

Day 8
Really dissapointed to say... I relapsed. I just couldn't take it anymore. I'll reset the counter and start all over again
I hope I can stay strong this time.

 

[Blondie]

Hey P234. Sorry to hear about your relapse. Unfortunately most of us here have had one. It is what it is. This whole process is a journey of discovering yourself and the things that drive you to do the very thing you do not wish to do. I think you're very brave for being here, and 8 days porn free is a beautiful thing! Dust yourself off, and keep on moving.

If I'm reading you correctly, this might have been the first time you ever tried getting off porn, and 8 days is a hell of an achievement! Think of the days porn free, and not the one day of relapse. The positive, and not the negative. You got this.

 

[SmokenMirrors]

Merely a setback. As Blondie said, we've all been there! Focus on why you want to quit porn and you'll find the strength to carry on!

 

[Mic]

Day 7
Well... I've made it to a week. Today I was really close to a relapse but I stayed strong. I don't know if I'm happier than before but I'm gonna keep going and trust the process.

I'm sorry to hear that
I'm at the same place with with
I relapsed on my day 8
And I'm i feel shame and depressed about it
But..
Tomorrow is a new day tomorrow is day 1 again tell i make

PM me if you need AP i need one

 

[P234]

Hey everyone. Its been a really rough week but I'm here to try again.

PM me if you need AP i need one

What does AP mean?

 

[SmokenMirrors]

How's your reboot going? It's been a while since we've had an update