Will be spending this weekend by myself, it will be challenging - but I want to press on!
I’m trying again with the same rules, but will be cutting down further on social media, banning some sites on my phone, and then putting it away at all times unless I really need it.
I don't know all the science but having an idea how porn affects the brain, there is no doubt we experience problems. Porn messes with the dopamine system and the dopamine system is involved in many things. After binging porn I usually don't sleep well and after getting drunk too and both work the dopamine and the chemicals in the brain. I quit drinking 17 days ago, porn 16 days ago and for the first time in months I slept well before morning shift.Thank you Blondie! Congratulations on your 10 months, happy for you and hope to get there some day!
Yes, it’s very strange! I’ve noticed having - or remembering more dreams since I started recovery. I guess it signals some return of normal functioning of the brain, improved sleep and so on. Another great reason to quit this stuff!
And by the way, this has been my greatest help in remaining sober and clean today (my drinking day that usually leads to PMO binge). I didn't want to lose the small benefits I'm starting to experience.I quit drinking 17 days ago, porn 16 days ago and for the first time in months I slept well before morning shift.
Good for you and I’m glad you found reboot nation and your brain on porn. Excellent resources and support. Keep up the hard work and as you already mentioned, you are feeling better already!! It’s been 44 days for me now porn and masturbation free!! Keep up your hard work. It’s so worth it and when I think of all the time I wasted looking at porn it’s crazyDay 7
I wanted to post here just to solidify my thoughts and maybe help others going through the same situation. Feel free to comment.
I'm 34 years old and and started using porn maybe 17 or 18 years ago. There was a sense of deep shame especially the first few years, but I think that I gradually came to accept that I was always going to continue using it, and the shame got less and less prominent and even turned to acceptance the last few years. Might be because I have an understanding that masturbation is fundamentally not wrong and is even a healthy thing to do, but I got the concept conflated with porn - which in itself is really worrying.
I think most times I used porn over the years, just after reaching orgasm I felt like never doing it again. I guess that's what they call clarity, and I should have been listening to that feeling. There's really nothing about porn that's actually compelling to me, if I just look away from the routine and automaticity of the act. I don't want to spend hours in the dark in front of a screen searching for the "right" moment. Moment for what? It's all just a waste of time and energy. There is nothing I get out of it. I've pretty much been stuck in a loop, triggered by the smallest thing at first, and ending in the same way every time. I've been a slave to this bullshit, and I'm not going to let it continue.
I should mention that I actually did manage to quit at some point, when getting into a relationship. I was pretty much a virgin back then at the age of 24, and I guess the relationship made it easier to live without porn - but without actually making the decision mindfully, I was completely unable to resist getting back into porn when we broke up a few years later and the loneliness set in.
The last three years I have been masturbating to porn sometimes every two or three days when trying to cut back and sometimes one or two times a day when indulging. This is in addition to the habit of scrolling through all kinds of content on social media like Instagram and Reddit, where the search often begins and ends up spiraling out of control. I started to notice weaker erections during this period - my erection did not match my horniness and I experienced delayed ejaculations and sometimes loss of erection. I have also been experiencing depression and social / general anxiety.
In this same period of time I started working out and running, started eating healthy, cut back on sugar, tried meditation and yoga quite a lot, and although I've been feeling better than ever physically, nothing has really been changing for the better in my head like I thought it would.
Well, last Wednesday I discovered yourbrainonporn.com and Reboot Nation - and let's say that things have changed pretty dramatically for me. There's been a huge shift in my attitude. I think that getting educated on the issue, the way the addiction works, and especially the consequences porn addiction has on your life is necessary to really make the change - because I feel like I've been trying for years but never making it more than a few days, thinking the problem would somehow be solved if I could make it a week or two. I appreciate all of you sharing your experiences and your knowledge here, and I hope I can contribute something.
This last week has been interesting. My penis has shriveled away into almost nothing, as if it wants to hide. I'm not worried, because I know it works just fine, and I just need some time for my brain to process the change. I have not had a single strong urge to look for porn, even though I can feel it lurking deep down. Anxiety and tension in the body seems to be better, and social problems have been somewhat relieved. Today I was walking to work by myself and just smiling at others because I felt a sense of hope for what's coming. Talking to colleagues and even a crush of mine was way more effortless. I felt warmer and more secure. This is strange, because I was expecting some pretty severe withdrawal symptoms and difficult times for the first few weeks. I guess knowing and feeling that I'm on my way somewhere better is really giving me a lift, and I can't wait to see what my mental and state will be like in a few months.
Meanwhile, I will not be tempted. I will not make little snowballs and roll them downhill. I will remember the toll that this addiction has had on my life, and draw strength from knowing that things can only get better from here. I don't want to count days, because this change is final in my mind - although I will probably be checking in here periodically and probably do a count then.
Thank you @JSP! Yeah, it’s been great coming here, it’s been very helpful to me. Most of all, being honest with you guys on here makes me be more honest with myself and not bullshit myself - keeps my head on straight in a way.Good for you and I’m glad you found reboot nation and your brain on porn. Excellent resources and support. Keep up the hard work and as you already mentioned, you are feeling better already!! It’s been 44 days for me now porn and masturbation free!! Keep up your hard work. It’s so worth it and when I think of all the time I wasted looking at porn it’s crazy
I agree. It’s not easy. Porn is free and it’s convenient and it’s anonymous but not good for us. Of course jerking off feels great and the orgasm but it’s the afterwards feeling of guilt. Stroking feels great but being porn free is way better. Glad you are here!Thank you @JSP! Yeah, it’s been great coming here, it’s been very helpful to me. Most of all, being honest with you guys on here makes me be more honest with myself and not bullshit myself - keeps my head on straight in a way.
44 days, very nice! Let’s not waste another minute on this trash called porn.
Thanks, man.Absolutely, @Escapeandnevercomeback, I really get that! Sleep is so incredibly important as well, and not getting enough sleep can lead to lowered judgement and repeated unhealthy behaviours, again leading to less / lower quality sleep - a vicious cycle.
I used to not care how much sleep I got, as long as I felt relatively okay waking up. I would consequently get maybe 5 or 6 hours of sleep, would on occasionally go out drinking the night before work and sometimes get only a couple of hours sleep. Combined with alcohol, which makes sleep quality really suffer, I felt like absolute shit, but probably was damaging myself more than I knew.
A couple of years ago I listened to an audiobook, I think it’s called Why We Sleep. I can tell you that I got scared straight, just like learning about what porn does to your brain. I believe getting enough sleep is the single most important thing anyone can do for their own health, both physically and mentally. Really recommend getting the book or listening to it like I did.
For example, there were a few examples of how someone’s ability to learn things - and remember them - is directly lowered by getting too little sleep. If you were to take a test on Monday and your studied Wednesday and Thursday the week before, going out drinking that Friday and getting less quantity + quality sleep actually would lower your ability to remember what you already learned. So even if you had all weekend to recover and your slept enough the night before the test, the damage would already be done.
By the way, I really want to commend you for tackling the drinking and the porn addiction - I seriously can’t even imagine going through that simultaneously. 16/17 days is fucking amazing, and I wish you well going forward! Focusing on sleep seems like it will be a great help to you, so stay focused on that!
Yes that was the most challenging part to me… To the point where it just can’t be a option anymore…. My hats off to you man and stay strong!! We got thisThank you @Recovery Will Come!
It’s always tempting to think that once you relapse, doing it just once more won’t hurt. And then you sort of just keep going. I think stopping myself before that happens is crucial, because once the habit creeps in then it becomes harder to stop.
I’m guilty of this as well, and it’s usually a day or two before I get my shit together and realise I don’t want to spend my days like that.
Hope you are doing well in your recovery