Restless Mystic
Member
@downhillfromhere nothing wrong in trying man. Give it a shot.
Great post @downhillfromhere ! Shout out for hitting day 22! Your changes have brought you power and value. I'm glad to here this time feels different, that feeling is very very important. For continued growth and forward momentum, but yes just also stand ever vigilant and disciplined against triggers and thoughts and behaviors. Expecting the danger and being ready for it doesnt mean to live in fear and your example of going to the beach is a great share on learning how to push forward. Only you know what your limits are. The mind is such a wonderful and dangerous beast, keep reflecting, fighting, and saying no to porn etc!Day 22
No P, no MO
Can’t help but think that “this time it’s different”. But I know if it truly is, it’s because of the things I am doing for myself to better my life. I can’t get complacent and think that I’ve won. Things are probably going to get difficult really soon.
That said, I’m proud of the way I handled myself this weekend. Went to the beach, but managed to have a certain control of myself and not stare at anyone too much. Of course I definitely could be better, and I’m trying to be.
Had an urge to MO last night, but it manifested in my mind and not so much my body. It’s like I thought I should do it, but not because I was actually feeling like it. It’s strange. Going to hold off for as long as I possibly can.
Hey man,In a few days I will have gone beyond all of my previous streaks, except for the very first try back in March - where I was so full of determination to never watch porn again. Since then, the part of me still clinging on to porn has resurfaced often - sometimes with weeks between, sometimes with just hours or minutes between. I'm happy that right now, it seems to be subdued. I don't really want to watch porn or substitutes, or at least my rational mind has taken control for the past few weeks. It makes it so much easier to get by, just day to day.
Of course the temptation is still there, and I think I probably would have engaged with porn again if I didn't know about the effects it has on me. How it's been causing my isolation and loneliness, difficulty focusing and thinking clearly, motivation and drive to do the things I love doing. How it's probably kept me just comfortable enough to stop looking for a partner or even just a fling.
It's becoming more and more clear to me what it is about life that makes it worth living. The challenge, pain and rejection is part of that. Without feeling the negative, I will also never get to experience the positive. Desperately clinging to abnormal stimuli, and thus depending on it to even feel okay is no way to live.
Thanks to everyone who has checked in on me over the last few months, it really is appreciated. It makes it easier to go through this knowing I'm not alone in it!
This.How it's probably kept me just comfortable enough to stop looking for a partner or even just a fling.
It's becoming more and more clear to me what it is about life that makes it worth living. The challenge, pain and rejection is part of that. Without feeling the negative, I will also never get to experience the positive. Desperately clinging to abnormal stimuli, and thus depending on it to even feel okay is no way to live.